Relationship Boyfriend With Ptsd Wants A Break

[Olivia2016]

I do agree with this to a point. This issue is not something I plan to bring up until 1- I KNOW he is ok...

I think this is wise. I am in a similar situation, and i feel that discussing anything right now is like talking to a wall. It is all about timing. Timing can make or break it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Good for you. I am happy you had a good communication before the hell broke loose (if it did).

Actually I am the sufferer so I am the one "breaking hell loose" as you call it.

And boundry setting is extremely healthy and something the is foreign to a lot of sufferers, like myself so I imagine hell may break loose as, for a lot of us, boundries have been something that has never been a part of our lives; but that doesnt make it any less healthy. You can have never eatten an apple but it doesnt make it any less healthy to eat.

And as I stated actually twice above:

it may not be the right time but that does not mean it doesnt need to happen.

It sounds like you have good control on this situation to me. I do think, in a better time (so not right now) that boundries or better communication

And I said a few time actually:

But like I said, it sounds like you have a good handle on it.

It blowing up on you doesnt make boundry setting wrong and it certianly doesnt make it wrong for everyone!

 

[Sweetpea76]

@lostforgottensoul

Nobody is saying that setting boundaries is wrong. They're saying that trying to lay down boundaries or discuss relationship issues when their sufferer is isolating, stressed, or noncommunicative is not a good idea.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

And I agree @Sweetpea76 :)

 

[Dizzle]

I don't know if I would call them "boundaries" per sey. My current idea to run by him is by possibly coming up with a "safe word" so to speak. Something he can either text or say to me, that still carries a message of love without directly expressing any feelings on his part if he can't. Maybe even something I can use if needed. This way, my anxiety from past relationship and abandonment issues won't be triggered, and I'll know he still loves me.

We set up a lot of boundaries and agreements before we even got back together- we literally laid everything on the table. So I know he will be open to something similar to this in order to keep our relationship strong and healthy.

 

[Dizzle]

I don't know if I would call them "boundaries" per sey. My current idea to run by him is by possibly com...

Of course, when he's ready to talk. That goes without saying. ;)

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sometimes when my vet is doing rough we just text an "Xx" to each other. Kisses

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"safe word"

That was the sort of thing I was thinking of too. I have one when Im about to explode. Its simply "stop" (though not heard or ever done) but it tells those around me "stop or im about to go off". Its the same thing. "I need some space or time" instead of the constant breaking up.

But it may not be the right timing and I acknowldged that, a few times actually. I also feel you have massive understanding of PTSD (more then Ive seen in a long time) and so I think you will know when its right.

 

[Dizzle]

That was the sort of thing I was thinking of too. I have one when Im about to explode. Its...

I wouldn't say I have a massive understanding just yet- I feel there is still a lot for me to learn and experience. However, whatever it will take to keep him comfortable and safe, I'll do it.

We call each other "my penguin" all the time. So I was thinking something like "penguin week" or whatever. Something that says all of that, and is just ours.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

We call each other "my penguin" all the time. So I was thinking something like "penguin week" or whatever. Something that says all of that, and is just ours.

OMG THATS SO STICKIN CUTE!!!!

I wouldn't say I have a massive understanding just yet- I feel there is still a lot for me to learn and experience.

Well, Ok re-phrased; more understanding of PTSD of any supporter Ive come across thus far minus the MODs on the site...or well those with years of marriage to someone with PTSD under their belt I guess.

I was just in aye of how much you just "got" but thats just me.

I love love love "penguin week"!

ETA: You always have something to learn, we never stop learning! ;)

 

[Dizzle]

OMG THATS SO STICKIN CUTE!!!!



Well, Ok re-phrased; more understanding of PTSD of any suppo...

Hahaha I think he'll dig it too.

Ill tell you what, your positive feedback makes me feel so much more confident than I did when I first joined. It makes it easier to know that I'm going about this the right way, and can take with me the necessary tools I need to make my relationship solid.

I have a surrogate father with PTSD. He was my very first boss when I was 16, and was instantly a strong father figure for me. He was in Desert Storm and then got deployed to Iraq (I want to say as a sgt?) with the first round back when the war first started, and came home with SEVERE PTSD. While I never lived with him and his wife, I did more or less grow up with them. I worked with his wife after I left the first job up until I was 25. If she changed jobs, I always went with her. And this woman.... Seriously the strongest woman I have ever met. And their relationship? Friggin SOLID. I have always looked up to them in more ways than one. She is actually the one who suggested I find a support group of some sort, and well. That's when I came here.

So again, I don't feel I have a solid understanding, but I do agree that my background definitely makes it easier for me to accept, versus push off as "bad behavior."

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Dizzle you got this girl! I do think some books might help if you are a book person but just hanging out here and creating threads when in doubt, the supporters here are awesome and a sufferer's point of view can help at times.

You did say about having a father figure (I was thinking step dad but that even sounds better...a soild relationship to have support too)! You do come with great understanding and you are smart to not listen to the "he's an ass", he's not, he's hurting and dont want to bring you down too.

You are awesome girl!