Breaking Negative Loop

[Tanishq]

Though Asia has much historical wisdom , but some culture is inflexible and backward

Yes, We have. But there is a problem few people really understand some natural concepts. Have a look at all over the globe, you will find most people feel hard and unacceptable to understand this thing: Change is inevitable routine of nature. Everyone has to bring change according to time. You can't be stubborn for many years. Our asia does make bigger mistake here.

I have observed many 1960s, 70s, 80s are not willing to change themselves. They are stuck somewhere and I think they are emotionally stuck. They call the modern generation as evil generation. You see? They don't like some facilities we are getting. Such as internet and technology leap frogging everyday. Now many countries have come more nearer and world has gotten so ahead in many ways.

Before today, there were less technology and there were less expectation. Today people see many ways to earn money and there they get trapped in expectations. They expect more. Here you go, less is more actually. But people expect more and that will take out everything from you.

Jaret , I can tell you that my parents threaten me not to marry a man from other province , because they think that he's not rich

My parents told me same. You'll have to marry a woman from our caste. I told them clearly, it is not going to happen. My parents always feel hard to control me. I hope they have understood it won't work for me. I can't go with arrange marriage concept. I can't live without acceptance and love. I am determined to marry the woman of my life. No matter what others think of me. I will be fine with her.

would you have any idear or advice on this issue ? Sorry ,it seems this topic too heavy, if it makes you uncomfortable , you could ignore it , I can understand

No worries Sunshine, Perhaps she may have some thought patterns which is full of fear and other cultural negative things.

It sounds your mother has gotten fearful. Being misdiagnosed may have instilled many fears in her mind. Perhaps she is tried of hearing those all negative and fearful things. She may be in need of support. May be she is facing this issue over and over and ends up thinking about suicidal acts. I understand why you are concerned with her. What do you think?

It's so great you could understand what I said ..... I would tell you for any misunderstand.....You too!

Same from me. It's nice to have clear understanding and conversation. :)

I wish you get well settled with right man of your life and command your life as you have been dreaming.

It sounds we have so many similar things.
:hug: Sunshineontheway. :)

 

[sunshineontheway]

Yes, We have. But there is a problem few people really understand some natural concepts. Have a look at all over the globe, you will find most people feel hard and unacceptable to understand this thing: Change is inevitable routine of nature. Everyone has to bring change according to time. You can't be stubborn for many years. Our asia does make bigger mistake here.

I have observed many 1960s, 70s, 80s are not willing to change themselves. They are stuck somewhere and I think they are emotionally stuck. They call the modern generation as evil generation. You see? They don't like some facilities we are getting. Such as internet and technology leap frogging everyday. Now many countries have come more nearer and world has gotten so ahead in many ways.

Before today, there were less technology and there were less expectation. Today people see many ways to earn money and there they get trapped in expectations. They expect more. Here you go, less is more actually. But people expect more and that will take out everything from you.

I can’t understand the way they think, I don’t know which point their logic stands. It seems that they haven’t lived even a day in this planet. They‘re too conservative, too fearful of changes that they even forbid others to try/choose something new (Though only new to them, but not me). Sometimes I think if I am not well educated, things would be better as I may have less different idea with them.

To the aspect of development and civilization, I think things are interactive. Backwardness are not only reflected in one’s economy and technology, but most fundamentally, in their mind.

Large population and poverty may lead to insufficiency in education, resources, living room. Lack of education leads to problems as narrow minded, inflexible way of thinking and improvidence in dealing with personal relationship and issues related to daily life, career, etc, which would affect various aspects of a person and his family. Though I am talking about personal life, but all these persons constitute a nation. I think many Asian countries lack humanization (In my opinion, partly related to lack of education, systematic problem and a nation’s overall social culture) in many perspective, which cause lots of social problems hence. If all these problems are not well disposed, development would be impeded or even put in vain.

 

[sunshineontheway]

No worries Sunshine, Perhaps she may have some thought patterns which is full of fear and other cultural negative things.

It sounds your mother has gotten fearful. Being misdiagnosed may have instilled many fears in her mind. Perhaps she is tried of hearing those all negative and fearful things. She may be in need of support. May be she is facing this issue over and over and ends up thinking about suicidal acts. I understand why you are concerned with her. What do you think?

Same from me. It's nice to have clear understanding and conversation. :)

I wish you get well settled with right man of your life and command your life as you have been dreaming.

It sounds we have so many similar things.

Yes, my mother’s health is not good, but mentally healthy. She is a kind woman and she don’t to make our family into poverty. Misdiagnose gave a big load to her mind and at the time when she’s vulnerable, I didn’t gave her enough support. Your points are so enlightening and hit the right nail. She received too much negative information of her illness from my relatives and doctors and didn’t get enough support and did’t want to be the burden of her family, that’s why she did it.

Jaret , I appreciate much for your nice idea on my issue, you really help me...:joyful: I am on the way of healing and with much time spent of retrospect and pondering over my previous trauma , I have generally found the critical point of why I got traum.....:bag:

 

[sunshineontheway]

My parents told me same. You'll have to marry a woman from our caste. I told them clearly, it is not going to happen. My parents always feel hard to control me. I hope they have understood it won't work for me. I can't go with arrange marriage concept. I can't live without acceptance and love. I am determined to marry the woman of my life. No matter what others think of me. I will be fine with her.

I totally understand the situation you talked about and I think you can deal with such issue well… To me, I would prefer to stay single if I can’t marry my loved man….

 

[sunshineontheway]

Jaret , wish you live the happy life you dreamed .;)

 

[Tanishq]

I am sorry to hear that your mother has to suffer from unnecessary things. It doesn't do justice. No one deserves such treatment. Yes, society can do that. It will project all their thoughts on a woman and how a woman should be. Annoying. :mad:

Indeed she sounds very kind person. My mother is complete opposite of her. She threw all her anger and disappointment on me when I was kid. It hurt me big time. I thought she was kind mother, but I was wrong. She is wicked person. :arghh;

You have many ideas about bright society. Bright people and understanding between human beings. I do believe in humanity and I do take interest to understand this kind of concepts you have talked here. I am so glad you opened it up. it does feed negative loopy thoughts in our mind and abuse us. Some abusive people do that, forbid many things and force them to do some certain with least options.
You discussed:
- Literacy
- Power of positive thoughts
- Interconnectedness with each other, truly it's all beautifully interwoven
- Broad mind, more understanding and application with humans

This all can help us greatly in expanding our awareness. I recommend you keep going this awesome work. :)

You're welcome sunshineontheway. I believe in soul mates stuff and of course I am excited to live the life as I want. Thank you for your wishes and supportive words.

:hug: I am so glad this thread has been lot of help to you. You have nice username. :)

 

[Tanishq]

Update: I am working not to respond any thoughts. I have realized negative loops gets fueled by over thinking. So if I stop responding to many thoughts, many triggers will be off. lol. I believe this will work.

I will use combo effort.
First stop myself over thinking and then tell myself positive things. I will tell myself I am doing right and it's working. I am determined. After this point, I will let positive thoughts work in my mind. Again I will do self talk.

Do self talk, release and let go.

 

[sunshineontheway]

I am sorry to hear that your mother has to suffer from unnecessary things. It doesn't do justice. No one deserves such treatment. Yes, society can do that. It will project all their thoughts on a woman and how a woman should be. Annoying. :mad:

Indeed she sounds very kind person. My mother is complete opposite of her. She threw all her anger and disappointment on me when I was kid. It hurt me big time. I thought she was kind mother, but I was wrong. She is wicked person. :arghh;.

Hi, Jaret, don't cry...HAHA :p ....My mom and dad used to do such things to me, like scolding me easily and put their anger on me, always making comparison beween other kids with me, giving comments on me, setting high standard ..... It seems that I am an animal rather than a kid......:sour: I quite remember, I was oftern scolded to shed tears in bed in the night when I am small and always think that I was the worst kid in the world or else my father would not scold me......I think your parents have some problems in managing their emotion (The more closer people's relationship becomes, the more direct their expression gets)and on the other hand, they may have high expectation on you...

 

[sunshineontheway]

You have many ideas about bright society. Bright people and understanding between human beings. I do believe in humanity and I do take interest to understand this kind of concepts you have talked here. I am so glad you opened it up. it does feed negative loopy thoughts in our mind and abuse us. Some abusive people do that, forbid many things and force them to do some certain with least options.
You discussed:
- Literacy
- Power of positive thoughts
- Interconnectedness with each other, truly it's all beautifully interwoven
- Broad mind, more understanding and application with humans

Yes, I have many ideas over society.A person live within the conncetion and effect from others and the whole society. Actually, I want to say that sometimes a person's problem is not only the problem from himself or his parents' but boardly and objectively, connected to the surrounding he's in. Sometimes, the source of trauma could be traced to the flaws and inperfectness of these "beautifylly interwoven' whole things.......Then looking back, you would have a borader view and deeper understanding of your society, your family, yourself...... I really happy that you like my topic....

 

[sunshineontheway]

This all can help us greatly in expanding our awareness. I recommend you keep going this awesome work. :)

You're welcome sunshineontheway. I believe in soul mates stuff and of course I am excited to live the life as I want. Thank you for your wishes and supportive words.

:hug: I am so glad this thread has been lot of help to you. You have nice username. :)

Yes, Jaret , I would keep on it.....:hug:

What is soul mate ?I guess it means lover, right? HAHA, it seems that you can't wait for your graduation...:D

I also appreciate you gave me supportive words and enlighting idea......You like my name, haha, how about we exchange our names?:rolleyes: Haha, I am just kidding

 

[sunshineontheway]

Update: I am working not to respond any thoughts. I have realized negative loops gets fueled by over thinking. So if I stop responding to many thoughts, many triggers will be off. lol. I believe this will work.

I will use combo effort.
First stop myself over thinking and then tell myself positive things. I will tell myself I am doing right and it's working. I am determined. After this point, I will let positive thoughts work in my mind. Again I will do self talk.

Do self talk, release and let go.

Well ,mine is a not same as yours.... Mine is a combo of meditation and new mothodology of psychoanalysis ....And I let my bad feelings float up and everytime it floats, I observe it and follow it to track back its original sources which is usually filled with overwhelmed pressure ,which fuel the negative loop ....Once I find the source (negative events and unprocessed negative feeling), I analyze it and make objective judgement and concludsion on it and I felt I was reliefed....

 

[Tanishq]

Hi, Jaret, don't cry...HAHA :p

how dare you tell me not to cry you cheeky woman? :p hahaha.

Were our parents friends or what? :D Mine parents often made me feel like I am their animal. They also beat me physically like animal and dad used to run after me to catch me and beat me much. I often get nightmares where my dad is running after me and good part is I always managed to escape. I still remember I was asking him to buy chips, he got angry. he was running after me in public. It looked like we are jogging, but no he was running after me to catch me and then slap me hard. I had to run a lot to save myself. My mom was speechless that day.

Once I got a dream. It was place where I spent my childhood and dad was running after me. I reached balcony and didn't care about myself. I hated when he beat me physically. it used to hurt me a lot. So I jumped from balcony and wasn't hurt at all thankfully. Many times I got such dreams.

My parents has problems with themselves. They can't see others getting happy. They always tried to stop me and never showed willingness. I used to swim, skating, take part in dance events and I did many things. Parents always showed an unhappy face in co-curricular activities. I never liked that. I expected at least put a smile on your face. They always said, study hard and bring #1 rank that's all matters to me. My parents didn't get Post grad degree. They still dwell in their past. They have so many issues. I wish they tried to look at their life, it is still better.

Sunshine, don't you feel that we have got something special and they are jealous of it? :) They fear that we will leave them behind and prove ourselves. We will prove our potentiality. Well they can do that,too. I feel bad when I learn my parents didn't try at all.