Breaking Negative Loop

[sunshineontheway]

1. You're welcomed. Jaret, I totally understand your feeling as your experience is similar with mine...It's somewhat unlucky to have such parents and grow in such a confined family....Family really accounts because one's charactor is formed at childhood...:oops: I always daydream that if my parents are flexible and open minded, I would not be a gloomy rose, but a happy sunflower....:rolleyes:

2. Yes, they don't understand what does love mean and they don't care about freedom...I don't know the situtation about your parents, but I could talk about some understanding about my parents. They grow in a period which don't encourage flexibility and creativity, moreover, their parents weren't well educated and applied kind of 'arbitrary' educational method, like slap,beat,hit the nail on the head:hilarious: :dead: (really a vivid comparison of using the outstanding bones of their hand to tamp on a kid's head out of disobedience)...

In our country, there's a very famous and ridiculous fable, saying that a farmer pull up the shoots of corn by the roots in the hope of making it grow faster and in the end, all shoots went died -- This fable indicates excessive enthusiasm would spoil things and destroy the very conditions upon which success depends...

Everyting would become toxin if overwhelmed....including love and especially for love, as it's hard to refuse or disobey to certain arrangement under the name of love and kindness....

3. Yes, this book really help me a lot..You can browse it through google library (google booksearch)...Mine is translated in Chinese, which is a little bit obscure (I don't know whether it's due to translator's technique ), maybe English version would be better to read....

4. In our culture, crane represents freedom, longevity and peace....I love it....Totally speaking, big birds is kind of lucky symblom for us....;) How I want to be a crane, freely flying in the sky.....I wish you can live your dreamed life happily and I think you would find the right woman who's doomed to be your soul mate.....:)

Hahaha...I would pray for your healing and offer my lights to you..haha, for free:geek:

 

[Tanishq]

Family really accounts because one's charactor is formed at childhood...:oops: I always daydream that if my parents are flexible and open minded, I would not be a gloomy rose, but a happy sunflower....:rolleyes:

You're not gloomy flower. Your posts are really helpful, kind, sympathy and positivity. most important yes, it does ooze hope. :)

You have beautiful thoughts. I can see your hard work and you have matured your lessons. You are learning everyday and helping others in their journey. You have become good human being. Humanity is big thing, nothing can be bigger than this.

I don't know the situtation about your parents, but I could talk about some understanding about my parents.

My dad had best mother one could only imagine. She gave my dad perfect food, what he needed. he grew around nature, but bad thing is he never understood what he had and some natural lessons. He lived his early days in village. My mother's mother spoiled her, that's the thing I mostly dislike. She knows no dignity and wants to be respected.

This fable indicates excessive enthusiasm would spoil things and destroy the very conditions upon which success depends...

Thanks for sharing this. I understand.

t's hard to refuse or disobey to certain arrangement under the name of love and kindness

You are getting there. You are reaching the truth of recent society and what they are doing. Shameful act. It's like running bad activities under the name of god. My parents showed me fake love and that's where I got beaten many times. I couldn't recognize most times that they are not choosing love ground, they are choosing monetary or ego ground. it's their choice and there I won't give them chance to be forgiven unless they come up with sincere apology.

Yes, this book really help me a lot..

Yes, you have encouraged me to read that book. now I am going to read, otherwise I will keep being curious all the time to read what's in the book :laugh:

I wish you can live your dreamed life happily and I think you would find the right woman who's doomed to be your soul mate.....:)

hehehe. I am also doomed to meet her. :D

I wish the same for you, meet your hero of your life and live with him. :)

I would pray for your healing and offer my lights to you..haha, for free:geek:

Thank you so much. I do need healing. I appreciate it sunshine. :)

 

[sunshineontheway]

Hi, Jaret, so nice to talke to you....I'm so happy you don't think I am gloomy with a beautiful mind.... Previously, I was an agressive person and do not take care much of people around, but PTSD changed me.... It teaches me that happiness is not inevitable,we need to learn to live and think happily ourselves....To be continued. I now go for a walk outside and learn some dancing...:rolleyes:

 

[sunshineontheway]

Maybe you feel hope from me, from my screen picture and surname...But in fact, I am still on the way and not sure about whether I can totally walk out of PTSD....I am quick tempered and sometims push myself hard and make myself uneasy...:( .

Nowadys,I try many ways to encourage myself and amuse myself, like reading some poems and songs which would fule me with courage and happiness and rasing rabbit,going for walk in the night and learn some easy dancing.....Though life is not always filled with sunshine and happiness, but we can put some into our life..:) Isn't it?

To be ctnd...

 

[sunshineontheway]

It's good to have parents who can always understand their kid and follow kid's willingness.But if not, we may think out some ways to solve it...:sneaky: In the past, I always argue with my parents over my personal issues, even wearing clothes.I have a small technique against my parents to avoid any interference upon my daily life, I call it Non-violent & non-cooperation movement which means I take the gid of my decision over some issues ,upon which my parents would definitely vote against and do not let them know.When they know it, the matter has been done and come to an end , thus in this way, they have no way to say :eek:bjection!:laugh:

 

[Tanishq]

Previously, I was an agressive person and do not take care much of people around, but PTSD changed me

I was the harmful boy as teenager. I think I repeated some of my parents behavior with others. not intentionally, but if someone caused me harm, I would harm them back for my own protection. As time passed, I began to change myself. I started reading things related spirituality and it used to give me comfort to my mind. I used to feel there's a way which will heal me and lead me out of this harmful place.

It teaches me that happiness is not inevitable,we need to learn to live and think happily ourselves

Nice lessons. You could share more lessons. There's a thread in chit chat called "most valuable lessons". I would like to hear your sharings. :)

You sound pretty creative. Dancing :headphone:

 

[Tanishq]

I am quick tempered and sometims push myself hard and make myself uneasy

This may be normal for those who have suffered emotional abuse from parents. It gives us hard time to decide for ourselves. They forced our minds to do something according to them and we pushed ourselves against us. It has negative impact on ourselves.

If we want to balance this all, we will have to learn to respond things with calm mind and that will balance our temper. It can help, I believe. We have to do decide and do the things which makes us feel easy. I am going to do this. After sometimes it will be impressed on our subconscious mind and we will start handling things much better and with much easiness. What do you think?

Though life is not always filled with sunshine and happiness, but we can put some into our life..:) Isn't it?

Yes, It's Positive attitude. :)

It's good to have parents who can always understand their kid and follow kid's willingness ... thus in this way, they have no way to say :eek:bjection!:laugh:

I can understand what you are saying. They have given us harder time. They interfered in our personal choices. They didn't give the freedom and love we deserved from them. If they have given us love and freedom, they would have been happy,too. When we give love to someone, it does make us happy. Giving love to those whom we can trust.

My parents controlled everything my clothing, hair style, studying style and even timings of my day, Except my hyper-activeness and playful boyish nature as a kid. Most times they failed to do so. But they were successful to force me to obey them. It was all forceful. They would keep condition. They would make my happiness a target and make a condition. They think my happiness is nice reason to make me obey them. They knew I have no one take care, no money. Where would I go? I would have to approach them.

Sometimes I would question, why they want to control everything? I don't like this at all. I remember when I am out to play some games in big gardens near temple, it used make me feel happy. But when I see dad or mom coming there and telling me to go back home early, I used to think. they spoiled my fun. I always felt this way. When I am having fun and if I see them, I would feel they spoil the fun. They would look at me like I have committed some crime or done something wrong. Like they are emperor and I am servant of them. I never liked that face showing disappointment. I didn't take birth to please them all the time.

They used to tell me, no one would keep me in their home because I am not obedient. They have given me everything, so I am supposed obey them every time and please them. If I don't please them properly, I might not get things I wanted. It still hurts.

Edit: Thank you for that tactic you gave me in this post. It sounds it is working for you. You can fuss them and protect yourself. Brave woman. Yes, I understand it's a nice way to keep them in some illusion. :D :laugh:

 

[sunshineontheway]

I started reading things related spirituality and it used to give me comfort to my mind. ... You sound pretty creative. Dancing :headphone:

I am aggressive because when I was small, I was not protected by my mom properly and always bullied by my cousin sister. (I live with my cousin sister during my childhood)

My mom was so weak and didn't hold justice, that my sister did what she like to me....I sometimes cried over some unfair issue and I thought most people all around are not friendly and I'm a kid no one protect and all I can do is to fight with my sister and protect myself....

Frankily speaking, PTSD on one hand weaken me and I'm not the person I used to be, on the other hand,to some extent,put me back to the ground and tell me what's the true essence and most treasurable thing of life ....

Actually, I am not a fan of dancing and not good at it...But when I go to the palaze, seeing so may people dancing together u, I feel joyful and want tojoin them..:geek:

I am now following a group to learn national dance and belly dance....To me, national dance is graceful relaxed while belly dance is ebullient and really sexy....:laugh:

 

[sunshineontheway]

After sometimes it will be impressed on our subconscious mind and we will start handling things much better and with much easiness. What do you think?

Thank you and I would try to adjust my temper and here you give me nice method to making things more easy and relaxed. Everytime I saw your words showing how to regain peace to me or others, I feel peaceful and soothed in my mind....:tup:

 

[sunshineontheway]

If they have given us love and freedom, they would have been happy,too.
My parents controlled everything my clothing, hair style, studying style....

Yes, they take overwhelmed responsibility,though their kids protest against it and they themselves feel tired of it, but they still enjoy it and stick to it....I think here, they lack communication and understanding with thier kids for some reason, for instance, being busy with their career and don't notice the development all around, including their kid....In my country, many parents don't have the habbit of communnicating with kids, because they think that as long as I give necessary material (food,nice stufy,money) to my child and support his study..That's enough....Here, I think they missed a point that kids are emotional animal,if they're not well taken good care of mentally and spiritually,they can be pysically completed, but mentally,maybe not due to lack of help and guidance in their spiritual growth....

Sometimes I would question, why they want to control everything? ...I never liked that face showing disappointment.

Here, I can see similar thing used to happen to me....But essence of it is overwhelmed love and high expectation and hope of wishing you to have a promissing carrer and live happily in future ,thus no need to worry about future life in material filed...

Edit: Thank you for that tactic you gave me in this post. ... You can fuss them and protect yourself. :D :laugh:

Haha, actually, this is a piracy from my friend's technique and it work on me most of the time and my parents always complain that they're fooled and deceived...I always keep silence to their complaints and scold but in the bottem of my hear, I giggle and feel pround of what I did....:wacky:

 

[Tanishq]

I am aggressive because when I was small, I was not protected by my mom properly and always bullied by my cousin sister. (I live with my cousin sister during my childhood)

I understand why you feel unprotected. I did feel unprotected as a kid. I wanted to sleep with my parents and it used to make me feel warmth. But as my young sis took birth, I felt I am taken out of picture. They used to scold me when I put an argument that I want to sleep with them. It was very harsh for me.

Sometimes I feel there is someone who is protecting me and that is why I am still believing in myself. Trying to gather all the strength throughout rough time of my life.

Frankily speaking, PTSD on one hand weaken me and I'm not the person I used to be, on the other hand,to some extent,put me back to the ground and tell me what's the true essence and most treasurable thing of life

I definitely see lots of difference in my old self and new self. Old self was strong, but was not strong willed. Today's new self is strong willed and trying to become more strong. I do think, in past I used to be strong, then how I become so weak... :confused:

Actually, I am not a fan of dancing and not good at it...national dance is graceful relaxed while belly dance is ebullient and really sexy....:laugh:

I like all kinds of dances. Dance is something which comes from your heart and moves your body. It's amazing for ourselves. Though I don't know how to dance properly. I love belly dance. I call it as soul dance. There are very few women dancers, who would have mastered this dancing art. It does link to mind and soul. :)

I don't understand this. It surprised me many times. I never felt love and care from my parents. Never. There's not a day where I felt bond with them. not even emotional or any physical. It always felt like I am something else for them. I wish to get clear on this doubtful thing of my life. I would be peaceful to receive the honest answer. My parents were saying they are tired of me, when I was six year old boy. Now I can see why they were tired.

It makes me laugh those people say they are educated. Education doesn't mean read, cram and give exams. Come with great score. No way. Education was never made to make you rich. It was made to cut the darkness and get empowered in your life. They need to learn more and more. True learner will never stop or get tired of learning.

I can see there are many negative loops in my mind, I am going to do something different. Don't dig deeper to learn them, just let them go and see what's its result. It would be interesting to see those loops disappearing and making us free mentally. For me, the more I dig I do become attached to somethings unconsciously.

 

[sunshineontheway]

I like all kinds of dances. Dance is something which comes from your heart and moves your body.

Actually, dancing is involves many things, like confidence,interpersonal skill,adjust of your body,etc....Most importantly, it does goods to health and mind...Everytime, I dance with the music, I forget almost all and get involved into the dance art....I got peace and joy in it...

I don't understand this. I never felt love and care from my parents. I wish to get clear on this doubtful thing of my life.

From our previous converstion, I can feel deeply you're hurt in the parent-kid relationship and I don't know whether your trauma is caused by this? I'm sorry to ask about this, but I see it confuse you and make you rough....I think we need to think about an effective way to solve it and make you all have a better coummunication platform....

True learner will never stop or get tired of learning.

Yes, true leaner never stop and would like to follow changes all around. But it doesn't mean he's not afraid of adversity or failure or crisis. True leaners are those who get wounds but they know how to heal and stand up again....:chicken:

I can see there are many negative loops in my mind, I am going to do something different.

You mean today? To me, I used to have many loops which is hard to dealed with. I think everyone would have their own way and I am going to develop my technique over it....After some time, I would be busy again,I have to prepare well for it....