Bridal Shower For My Friend

[Justmehere]

I'm headed to my friend's bridal shower tonight. I'm dreading it. I already made the commitment to go when it seemed like a good idea.

The evite shows that 18 women have rsvp-ed. 18 women. 1 place. Celebrating an engagement and upcoming wedding.

The place where it is going to be held is very beautiful, with large patios and lawns that back into the Rocky Mountains. It's a calendar photo worthy kind of place. Several good friends I know are going.

Good people, good place, but I'm weirded out about the whole thing.

I remember when I used to care more about things like this. I don't care as much now, and I'm almost cynical.

The friend who is getting married is 10 years younger than me. I remember being her age and almost getting married myself... and then trauma happened as an adult and all the childhood trauma was stirred up. My most intense battle with PTSD began about 10 years ago, and now, I may never get married. Even if I did, the time that is lost is lost. Her mother and family will be there - I have no family.

Even if I did get married some day, I'm not sure I'd want a bridal shower... but I'm still envious. Yes, I admit I'm a little jealous of her. I don't want her fiancé or anything like that. But this bridal shower is stirring up a mountain of grief of what could have been...

I know I could cancel, and it would probably be no big deal. I don't want to give up on going to this party.

Any advice on how to get through this?

 

[missyfjr]

Sorry I don't have any advice just wanted you to know I'm here...wish I could be more help. Hugs - if you accept.

 

[mrsps]

I hate social situations, I am not good at small talk with people and always dread going. What I have found is that most situations are not as bad as I think they will be.
I am sure your friend will appreciate you being there, I always have a back up plan as a way to escape if I feel uncomfortable. I normally say I will come but have to leave early as I also have such n such to go to. If I need to escape due to not feeling comfortable then I excuse myself and leave early.
I wish you the best, remember to breath and take a moment away on your own if you need to

 

[Casey_03]

I have found myself in similar situations and always wanted to avoid them. But I don't think that is the right thing to do. Actually, by avoiding such events I think I've just made myself feel more isolated. I think the best thing you could do is go and just try to enjoy yourself. If you find yourself getting sad or envious, just focus on the moment -- maybe you're not married and who knows if you ever will be, but instead of dwelling on that just look around at all the guests and either chat with them or make fun of them (in your head, of course). Just go to be there and get out and be around people. If you don't enjoy it, you can leave. I just find that in cases like this, I usually end up feeling worse if I don't go. Sure, you might go and be annoyed and cynical. You might also enjoy yourself and leave feeling a bit better.

 

[scout86]

First, I think your grief and your feelings are totally legitimate. And, I think you should forgive yourself for feeling the grief, just in case you're telling yourself you're wrong for feeling it. (I do that, wouldn't surprise me if others do too.)

In that kind of situation, I try to set my own stuff aside for the day and focus on the actual purpose of the event. Celebrating with and for your friend. The cynical bit will color your own view, but you don't have to share it. You can always cry on the way home. (I'm serious)

As far as the lost time and all.....I can relate. Remember, "it ain't over till it's over!"

 

[The Albatross]

Well for one... separate your experience from the event? Personalization is a cognitive distortion. We can not know that her situation will be like your own.

Deal with the anticipatory stress or if you can't get free of the cynicism, give yourself permission to gracefully bow out and arrange a more personal way to celebrate her event... a brunch, a lunch, a note... it doesn't have to be hostessing (spelling?)an event or anything... or being /putting yourself where you will have so many personalities and things to attend to/stimulate you. It can be one to one and much more personal and sometimes that really works for me, when my head just can't square things up or I can't shift my focus to the reason/purpose of the event... like in this case, celebrating a union of a friend.

???

If you do choose to attend... plan or create a strategy in addition to the focus/purpose. If you find you are not able to get and keep the purpose of the occasion... have an exit plan and don't beat yourself up about it.

Hope this is helpful.

 

[Justmehere]

I only have a moment now - I will write more later, but I wanted to say thank you. You all are the best! I think these are just the things I needed to read today as I run off to buy the last little thing I need for my small gift for her. Thanks for helping me look at this more clearly so I can celebrate my friend and yet not ignore the real grief that is there too.