Bullied Again...

[J_trustno1]

I've been always bullied since school and at home. Relatives hated me for being a high achiever. Last year I was bullied, manipulated, insulted and used by an aggressive woman at work.

This is time I was bullied at college by two women who are both older than me ( in their late 40s). I've been having panic attacks, dizziness, loss of breath, trouble eating or sleeping due to verbal abuse and accusations that were made against me.

One of them (lady A) tried provoking me to fight with the other woman (let's call her lady B), and the ever since my lecturer told in front of lady B that I topped 2 of my papers, her behavior changed towards me. She showed no initiative for work. Lady A, has always been using this situation to get work done through me, both of them made family commitment excuses, personal problems and other course related excuses not to contribute to work.

Lady A has always been bad mouthing about Lady B in front me, making names for her and calling her dumb. When it came to provide the work because the assignment due date is coming, Lady A sent me a verbally abusive email, called me and the lady B idiots and other things. When I decided not to work in this group, Lady A told lies to Lady B and accused me of things I did not do. Why are they reacting like this if they are claiming to be "smart"?

I don't think I can work in the real world as a project manager because I am too sensitive and I can't cope with bullying. People take my kindness for being "too weak" and find ways to manipulate and use my information.

I had to report two women for verbally abusing me in this group assignment we were working together. I was putting in my late nights, there was no initiative from both sides, I always did the work and when they provided the work it was not up to the marking criteria. However, when I asked for work, I got sworn at and accused of bad mouthing which I did not do.

I had to report to them to the faculty Dean and lodge a complaint against those two ladies in my group. Both manipulated me and always accused me of things i never did.

I don't think I will survive this world anymore or work in a corporate world. I felt like committing suicide two days ago because of the verbal, emotional and personal attacks I got from the two parties.

 

[Friday]

Why are they reacting like this if they are claiming to be "smart"?

Being smart doesn't mean you're a nice person. Conversely, being dumb doesn't mean you're an asshole. There are smart assholes, & smart nice people; box of rocks but kind as all out, & human turnip and mean as a snake.

Lady A has always been bad mouthing about Lady B in front me, making names for her and calling her dumb.

^^^^
This.

When I decided not to work in this group, Lady A told lies to Lady B and accused me of things I did not do.

^^^^
Predicts that.

Someone who talks shit about other people to you? Will talk shit about you to other people. That's just their character. Has nothing to do with you -or the other people they're bad mouthing- but is just how they operate.

However, when I asked for work, I got sworn at and accused of bad mouthing which I did not do.

^^^^
And also predicts this. As most people judge others by themselves. If they talk shit about people? They assume everyone else talks shit about people.

***

I don't think I will survive this world anymore or work in a corporate world. I felt like committing suicide two days ago because of the verbal, emotional and personal attacks I got from the two parties.

But you didn't. Which is good. The whole permanent solutions to temporary problems, thing.

Are there assholes everywhere in the world? Yes. (Although just because there are assholes everywhere, does not mean that everyone is. Everywhere =/= Everyone) Will they always effect you as if they're deeply important relationships? No. Or, rather, you can learn to coexist with assholes without them having the power to effect you at all, much less effect you to the point of suicide. I think I would talk with your therapist about that :) It's a series of skill sets; boundaries, discrimination, self confidence, and a few others. All of which can be targeted towards that particular goal. As is the self awareness you already have, that shows you how deeply they are effecting you.

 

[J_trustno1]

I have been told that "I'm running away from problems and not facing the issues" by lady A. Lady B, said "she's sick of my tantrums, and I need to grow up" in the email to the dean and also said it was her idea to lodge a formal complaint against me!

They both have been hating each other from the beginning and now they teamed up, what was all that drama for? Lady A has always been provoking me to pick a fight with lady B.

Why do I find it difficult to understand this behavior? I always gave sleepless nights, always helped Lady A with her other assignments and both of them with this project and now they did all this to me??? What was that about? Can someone please explain why someone would be "un-thankful and aggressive and verbally abusive? "

 

[Freedomfighter]

I've been always bullied since school and at home. Relatives hated me for being a high achiever. La...

Very sorry for your pain. Smart people can easily rely on their own talents. Loosers try to band together to attack the ones they envy.

 

[Friday]

I always gave sleepless nights, always helped Lady A with her other assignments and both of them with this project and now they did all this to me??? What was that about?

So... People aren't going to be nice to you because you do stuff for them.

My son had a bit of that, for awhile. The whole "If I do exactly what my abuser wants, then they're nice to me; so I need to do what other people want me to do if I want them to be nice to me."

Most people just don't operate that way. They're as nice to you if you're doing nothing for them, as if you're moving heaven & earth for them... And as mean to you if you're doing nothing for them, as when you're moving heaven and earth for them.

"If you do this for me, I'll be nice to you..." Is a bullying tactic that's rarely seen outside of bullies. And, as you may well know, isn't "really" being nice AND it's likely to disappear at any moment / is entirely based on the whim of the bully. They'll be nice when they remember they want something from you, but that's it.

Serious Trick : Stop Doing Things For Other People. And then watch what happens. Users will fade out of your life (although new ones will make attempts), while people who like you for you start to repopulate it. This isn't an instantaneous thing. It takes time. It also doesn't mean you can't ever do something for someone else, but, really... Take it slow. Say "no" far more often than you say "yes" & reserve your "yes" s for people who have been in your life for awhile -without you doing anything for them- and you have a solid relationship (colleague, acquaintance, friendship) that isn't based on you doing things for them.

And if it EVER enters your head that you "have to or they'll leave"? Good! Let them leave!!! Those are the users you want to leave! Really. It also teaches you how accurate your perceptions are at a gut level. If you think you have to do XYZ or the person will leave...don't do XYZ... And they leave MOST of the time? Then you're actually pretty good at spotting users & abusers. If you don't do XYZ...and they stay most of the time? Then it's more of a distortion to work on. :) Win/Win/Win

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it would help to learn how to recognize red flags and then walk away.

People who gossip?

They'll end up gossiping about you.

If someone bad mouths other people then separate yourself from them.

Don't try to figure it out. Just realize that it's bad behavior and make the choice to not have that type of thing in your life.

 

[epuppet2]

Hi...I know this thread is old, but I arrived here via a post on Facebook. So, this post was my introduction to MYPTSD.

Because others may also continue to see this thread, I want to post another perspective....One of the main things I've realized is a catalyst for intense negative feelings, is that people misinterpret others behaviors/attitudes/statements/motives. Then get offended/highly defensive or hostile. I think a lot times people trigger each other, both parties associate the other parties behavior, ect...with negative past experiences/trauma, and this fuels anxiety. And many other things can be at play here, denying to ourselves that we could have been at fault in some way ( because as a kid we may have been heavily criticized, and now are subconsciously defending our battered self esteem) When this happens repeatedly, it escalates our anxiety, or even re-traumatizes us.

Though I also believe, some people realize they are pushing other people's anxiety/emotional "buttons" intentionally. And their intentions can range from pushing back, because they feel pushed by that person, to extreme manipulation, for control/power, or to use the reacting person to look like the problem person, and use those situations to manipulate observers into sympathizing, then getting the sympathizer to help "retaliate" on the first person, (Why ? Many possible motives, but likely survival based).

PLEASE don't get that involved with anyone you sympathize with. If they go so far as to ask or use indirect, but clear statements that they want you to help; mislead, embarass, criticize,ect.. or actively participate in negatively influencing, or emotionally or physically harming someone, you may very well be a puppet too. If they are indirect/just complaining, don't assume they want any form of retaliation, they may just want validation, that they don't deserve to be treated that way, or may be they are emotionally attached to that person, but want some people to know that that person isn't always as sweet as they publicly seem to be, because the complainer gets treated differently too often.

Even if they (those who directly encourage retaliation) present some "obvious" evidence, they are controlling the info., because you may not be aware of extensive emotional manpulation strategies, used on their Target. I won't get into a lot of detail, but,i.e...the person wanting sympathy may often both covertly antagonizing the "problem" person one moment/hour/day, and treat them with respect/loving interest/loving affection,ect... at another moment/hour/day (this can also be a pattern (for various reasons,for someone who is mistreated).

I've been intentionally mislead with lies (negatively influenced), into forming negative opinions and attitudes towards people, by people who I trusted, who told me they loved me, by my siblings and other relatives. Because they were playing on my empathy for them, to make me look like a negative person, and apparantly to gain sympathizers .....Just to summarize:

My Dad and two older siblings were often intensely negative towards me as a young child. I can remember being fearful of a lot of people by the time I started kindergarten, but it was subconscious, I now know that it was from what I experienced at home, and it was much less physical than emotional/psychological.

One of the ways I learned to cope was Tattling, because it actually stopped an immediate overt harassment if someone else was near enough to yell to or run to. I also hoped at times, that tattling or complain to certain people, mainly my Mom, would get someone to discourage the harassers from harassing again. I also subconsciously wanted my feelings about the negative or harassing behaviors to be validated, to be told I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I felt helpless to stop them myself, because when I directly tried or even if I disagreed with them, they're responses were not understanding or kind at all, and I was kind of starving for positive responses. I also had to be careful what I said, how I said or when I said opposing points of view, ect.. to those who were tempermental.

Look up "telling-vs-tattling" at togetheragainstbullying.

Those social coping skills were subconscious, they were automatic. So I became a complainer/ "bad mouther", but I DIDN'T realize how often I did it, or how it was view by others. And my habits were used to get reactions, to make me seem like the problem person. Possibly the motive was to make others not believe me if/when I complained about mistreatment. It seems to be an extensive effort to distress/bait/fool the Target and observers, to manage their (the Bullies) social image, or to get acceptance of their bullying behavior.

Look up "6-virtues-and-6-vices-venting" at psychologytoday

Until I realized I was and had been since childhood, Targeted by my Siblings, who gradually involved more and more people, to help them manipulate me and socially damage and control me.

Instead of making quick/simple (perhaps convenient) conclusions, be open minded about both parties, and search sites like PsycheCentral for multiple possiblities, and offer advice only based on those many possibilities.

And rather than encourage negative perspectives and STIGMAs, please help discourage these.

Fundamental Attribution Error Definition:
The fundamental attribution error describes perceivers’ tendency to underestimate the impact of situational factors on human behavior and to overestimate the impact of dispositional factors. For instance, people often tend to believe that aggressive behavior is caused by aggressive personality characteristics (dispositional factor) even though aggressive behavior can also be provoked by situational circumstances (situational factor).

Lookup "adjustment-disorder" at psychology today. Look up "generalized anxiety disorde" at psychology today. Look up "Identifying -victims-of-narcissistic-abuse" at psych central

 

[epuppet2]

I also want to point out that people who seem "dumb", are unlikely actually "dumb". They can be for example, like me, my "dumbness" began as a child trying to cope with the negative dynamics and stress of my life. I was trying to love and be loved by people who were confusing, negative to highly negative, calm to angry/intimidating in literally a matter of seconds. I repressed memories and feelings and struggled for concrete patterns to trust. We Do Not Know Everything That Other People Have Gone Through.

Everyone does not have the same basic needs met.

Everyone does have unique experiences/unique influences, and beliefs and logic based on those experiences.

 

[420kitty]

I can totally relate to this!
My kindness always got mistsken for weakness. Plus, I was always put down by family and I was bullied in school. Low self worth and esteem. After my abuse something in me just snapped and changed. I'm only nice and caring to a few people now. I am more selfish. The reason this is good is because I was a people pleaser. I cared too much and always got walked on. I started sticking up for myself. At first it was a little subtle. If I didn't agree with someone I didn't fake it. I was honest and a lot of people don't like it but f*ck em.
Women are vicious to one another it is truly horrible. They sound very envious of your intelligence. I hope you can find your strength and bring it out because you are a very strong person.

 

[Marie Miguel]

Perhaps they want to kick you out of the group because their insecurities killing them softly!