Beatrice Chua
New Here
Hello everyone. I'm a nineteen-year-old college student from Manila, Philippines. A week ago, the bus I was riding on to get home after paying respects at a friend's father's wake got robbed by four armed men.
Before anything else, I just want to say that I am used to -- and even enjoy -- travelling by my lonesome. I got into backpacking and hiking this year so I spend most of my weekends on the road and exploring the different provinces of my country. I also go out with friends frequently and would opt to take the hour-long bus ride home, enjoying the city lights while speeding down the highway during the wee hours of the morning. I'm a cheerful person and very carefree, so more than anything it pains me how now I always feel like I'm in danger. It is very exhausting.
That night, I was enjoying the ride as usual. I had my headphones on and was humming to myself. One moment though, I saw a man standing up reaching for a gun inside his backpack so I immediately stashed my headphones inside my bag and kicked it under my seat. Three more men stood up and started pointing their guns at passengers and cursing. When one of them approached me, I feigned a crying jag and told him I just got held up that day and so had nothing for him but my plastic bangle. He nodded and went away. They demanded money and cellphones from the others and then hopped off. I got home safe that night and with my valuables intact.
Obviously I am very lucky but I don't feel relieved at all. The scenes keep replaying in my head. My heart would start pounding wildly whenever men enter the bus -- as I continue commuting, because cabs are expensive -- and I'd be in panic until I get off my stop. I feel exasperated.
I can't even talk to anyone. I'm struggling with a scholarship and my mom's working three jobs so it's not like I can run to her and tell her about my anxieties because she has three other children to worry about, being a single mother. My friends have had worse things happen to them and I feel insecure because I personally feel like I'm just whining.
But I'm still very scared. I can't breathe while travelling by bus. I imagine what would have happened if the gunman saw my bag peeking out of its.hiding place and found out I lied. I'm depressed and it's very hard for me. I don't know what to do, it's not like I can stay home forever or take another way to school. I pay twenty pesos for the fare, a cab takes two hundred. It's impossible to avoid this route.
To all out there experiencing the same and worse, hold on. To the creator of this site, thanks so much.
Before anything else, I just want to say that I am used to -- and even enjoy -- travelling by my lonesome. I got into backpacking and hiking this year so I spend most of my weekends on the road and exploring the different provinces of my country. I also go out with friends frequently and would opt to take the hour-long bus ride home, enjoying the city lights while speeding down the highway during the wee hours of the morning. I'm a cheerful person and very carefree, so more than anything it pains me how now I always feel like I'm in danger. It is very exhausting.
That night, I was enjoying the ride as usual. I had my headphones on and was humming to myself. One moment though, I saw a man standing up reaching for a gun inside his backpack so I immediately stashed my headphones inside my bag and kicked it under my seat. Three more men stood up and started pointing their guns at passengers and cursing. When one of them approached me, I feigned a crying jag and told him I just got held up that day and so had nothing for him but my plastic bangle. He nodded and went away. They demanded money and cellphones from the others and then hopped off. I got home safe that night and with my valuables intact.
Obviously I am very lucky but I don't feel relieved at all. The scenes keep replaying in my head. My heart would start pounding wildly whenever men enter the bus -- as I continue commuting, because cabs are expensive -- and I'd be in panic until I get off my stop. I feel exasperated.
I can't even talk to anyone. I'm struggling with a scholarship and my mom's working three jobs so it's not like I can run to her and tell her about my anxieties because she has three other children to worry about, being a single mother. My friends have had worse things happen to them and I feel insecure because I personally feel like I'm just whining.
But I'm still very scared. I can't breathe while travelling by bus. I imagine what would have happened if the gunman saw my bag peeking out of its.hiding place and found out I lied. I'm depressed and it's very hard for me. I don't know what to do, it's not like I can stay home forever or take another way to school. I pay twenty pesos for the fare, a cab takes two hundred. It's impossible to avoid this route.
To all out there experiencing the same and worse, hold on. To the creator of this site, thanks so much.
