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Busting Out Of Agoraphobia

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My body completely revolted against me during breakfast. I had the mother load of panic, hubs trying to calm me for almost 2 hours, dug out my CDs had them playing to calm, he ended up giving me 2 mg xanax over 3 hours, until the panic wore me down enough to sleep. Slept about 5 hours and I feel so sick now like I have the flu.

Noticed when hubs left and got my script my doc had bumped me up to 3 mg xanax a day. Do NOT want to take that much but today is out of all control. I woke feeling like stomache flu (use your imagination) and major attacks back.

Should I forgo and just not go to inlaws in an hour? Or push it? Am I pushing to hard? I got a little wind beneath my wings and wanted to soar... But like that road runner and coyote... Remember when he had the flying costume and flew smack in the side of a cliff? That is me now.

So take a break (which I am scared to do) like I won't start back, or keep on pushing?

BTW hubs got me batteries for my tazer so if I get in a stupid dog situation I can handle it. Whether or not it is my dog zapped or stray... And my dog is getting amazing at recognizing attacks now. She is all over me in my chair bed and being a gerneral full sniffing all over and rubbing her nose all over my face until I come out of it or go to sleep. She is being so good at helping.

Again keep pushing or take a break and not hit in laws... If this gets out soon enough?
 
I am so glad that things are looking up for you enjoy the good days, I am so glad you find people so nice in your new place, enjoy it, and congrats on getting out.
 
Veiled, Keep pushing.. this is your body reacting to fear.. you are stressing out about it.. if you stay home, next time you try this it will be worse. Go there, you have your quiet spot for your panic attack, you have a great support system going on there, and just grit your teeth and work your way through it.. Do not let this beat you. You need to expose yourself in order to learn that the our PTSD fear is making it worse than it is.. Beat that fear..

I know you can do this...

*hugs*

Bec
 
Took to it. Spent the majority of the time in my "panic room". Came out to hubs trying to explain to them "she has been really pushing herself hard for a few days and it has made her sick... And supper is a trigger and coming out over here is hard for her..." Then he saw me. I absolutly could not do dinner. I had to bolt, could not even sit. Went and read a book alone and smoked. But I went. Told hubs just let me have tomorrow in bed not pushing and let my mind and body catch up as I am crashing pretty hard... EVen had to drink the pink crap to get myself not to throwup and other not so fun things at their house (wanna talk emmbarrassment???)

I got hungry after we left so we drove to a bigger town with fast food but now on my stomache not a bright idea.

But thay have been wanting to go eat breakfast somewhere so I figured give me rest tomorrow and see how I am Sunday and see if I can do it. But I can't take the panic and physical illness it is throwing, it is just to much. Need to rest. I hit my spot.
 
Veiled you went. Give yourself some credit okay? Please see how much you have accomplished here. Yes, a day of rest might do some wonders (i'm doing the same thing tomorrow myself).

ohh, I know all about that stomach embarrasing moment... I've been in such a state lately.. my god I'm scared to go anywhere.. work was fun...

Bec
 
I am trying to give my self credit, I looked nice (don't judge a book by it's cover!) and did make it.

Hubs is being very supportive at the moment saying he has not seen me do as much as I have since being here in damn near a year.

I think the sleep aspect is getting to me as insomnia is so bad and always has been but I try to force myself awake during the day and when I sleep it is a couple hours and at weird times of when the body just gives out. I know lack of rest is adding to it.

On one hand I am thinking maybe a sleeping pill once or twice a week will help if I get a couple good nights in. But then the med phobia pops up! If it made me dizzy and sleepy I would likely end up in ER screaming I am dying from a panic attack! Xanax is kicking my ass as it turns off the dizzy spells and can make me rest if I take a whole mg. Ah addicton, the little pill beckons I can make the fear leave, I won't may you sick, I can help you rest... And I am the only drug yo can take and not flip out due to med phobia... So fking sick of phobias, I do not even take my vitamins anymore due to that one.

I am a little annoyed shrink got last word in when she redid my script before I left Texas. Hubs gave the paper to a pharmamcy out here (I really need to learn to read those) I thought the script was 1 mg a day like we discussed (she has pushed for ever for me to stay at 3 mg a day). It was 1mg pills 3x a day. Which is what I took yesterday... Not going to apologize as there was no way around it. I could not get a grip and was at "I am going to die phase" Red Foxx - "this is it, this is the big one!" I know being so wiped out helped it and other stuff, but I am going to start a new thread on that as it goes off and not agoraphobia.

So before I get a finger wagging Antony... You can't be here to "talk me down" when the panic attack shoots off the charts, and have to give myself credit there too. They are not often anymore. I know if I get too many uncontrolled I set up for them triggering the next. But I think I know what I need to do to help this.
 
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