But the world is a dangerous place

[TTC18]

I keep finding all this stuff about how people with PTSD feel like the world is a dangerous place, and there are medications and therapies that can help with that.

Um... the world IS a dangerous place, and maybe if all the therapists etc who think everything's roses and rubber duckies could spend a week or two being terrorized and stalked by crazy people, they'd feel a little differently about this whole thing. Maybe I don't WANT to be drugged or talked into thinking that I'm safe, when I'm not. I'm *not* safe. I don't want to pretend i'm safe when I'm not, I just want to be able to think again without constant panic. There's got to be a place in the middle there.

First appt with psychiatrist today. Possibly a little anxiety about that. I've heard a few too many people telling me that I need to just call the police if someone shows up, sheesh, cmon, it's not such a big deal, take your power back, don't let other people's issues control you, you know? Because, yeah, that works so well for all the thousands of people murdered every year.

Half the time, psych people are asking if I'm suicidal, the other half they're telling me to stop protecting myself!

I told the last one - if I were suicidal, I'd stop trying to protect myself - the fact that I'm terrified and running away should be a good clue that I don't want to die. So why on earth do people keep telling me to stop running away? I don't get angry often but this is really starting to bother me. It seems like the only people who aren't telling me to stop running are other people who have experienced domestic violence.

 

[Chris-duck]

I think there's a middle ground. The world isn't totally safe and I don't think there's many adults, traumatised or not, that believe it is. But it's also (once the trauma has stopped) not immediately dangerous all the time. I think the difference is that at some point we lived in a situation that was dangerous all the time and we adapted to that and had to be prepared all the time. Now, assuming you're out of that situation, yeah it might get dangerous again cos nobody can tell the future but it's exhausting living in fear constantly. I don't want to give any advice because I don't know your situation but I think they're just hoping you get to a place where the fear about the world being unsafe is more based on logic rather than PTSD reaction.

 

[shimmerz]

maybe if all the therapists etc who think everything's roses and rubber duckies could spend a week or two being terrorized and stalked by crazy people, they'd feel a little differently about this whole thing. Maybe I don't WANT to be drugged or talked into thinking that I'm safe, when I'm not. I'm *not* safe. I don't want to pretend i'm safe when I'm not, I just want to be able to think again without constant panic. There's got to be a place in the middle there.

*** This. 100% with you.

After over a year of being terrorized in my own home, then another 2 years after I escaped from my own home, I had to have a friend come in and verify that I wasn't crazy to the psychiatrist. Me!!!! The victim of the crimes.

100% with you on this one.

 

[ILoveLife]

Yep. I think it's a freaking miracle I even leave the house at all.

 

[Mach123]

You can get stronger I have. I always felt like you do and what was worse, I figured out it was me making people want to hurt me. I don't mean to oversimplify it by saying "I was my own worst enemy." That's what the old people said. Well I'm the old people now and they were right but it was psychological and I didn't get it so just saying that was no help? I had to get a peek outside the trauma shell to see it. My behavior was a lot about self harm. I'm doing that much less now and the world is much safer.

 

[cherileisman]

Unless and or until a person experiences intimate partner violence and abuse they DON'T get it no matter how many degrees hang on the wall behind the desk. My opinion for what it's worth.

 

[shimmerz]

"I was my own worst enemy."

Not certain that I hop on board with this thought pattern. People can walk away, sure - but to literally seek one out to do soul crushing damage? Not thinking that is the victim being 'their own worst enemy'. To me, it is a whole different ballgame when one seeks to destroy another.

 

[Mach123]

Not certain that I hop on board with this thought pattern. People can walk away, sure - but to litera...

I got a lot of soul crushing damage because I wanted it. I'm not saying "all victims are asking for it." I'm saying for me, when I looked at the world differently, it changed.

 

[TTC18]

Psych today did get it, thankfully. Also officially diagnosed me with PTSD. Said saying safe is #1 - and buying time to heal in my own time is a good idea. Prescribed me some meds, scheduled me for some therapy.

I think some people who don't experience violence can get it - but some people just can't. Or won't.

 

[cherileisman]

What matters most is that you have survived and are safe and you are able to access resources and support as you heal and go forward in life.

I hope we can agree to disagree on my earlier post - I bleed purple for the millions of female humans who are victims of domestic violence and abuse every day; the hundreds of thousands die as a result of it every day; and for the Survivors who break their silence. Violence against women and girls is a global epidemic with casualty numbers that increase every day which is why I suggest that people don't get it. If you find people who do, encourage them to raise their voices and do what they can to help end it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I carry pepper spray and a whistle to make my loved ones feel safe.

Yes, you heard me right.

The worst of my abuse was psychological in nature, so even though I did get beaten as a child, it was the “love your abuser” dynamic that really fcked me up. And the CSA was non-violent...

I don’t fear places. I don’t fear the dark. I’ll go anywhere, even if it’s not in my best interest. Pepper spray and whistles are no match for psychological assault.

Keep people at a distance and I’m at almost zero risk of psychological assault. My heart goes out to you because if my level of fear was transferred to a physical level of being sexually or physically harmed? I would never leave the house.

 

[Friday]

Maybe I don't WANT to be drugged or talked into thinking that I'm safe, when I'm not. I'm *not* safe. I don't want to pretend i'm safe when I'm not, I just want to be able to think again without constant panic. There's got to be a place in the middle there.

There’s a huge difference between the world being unsafe, which it is, and being afraid of the world being unsafe.

Being afraid of the world? Is exactly as useless as thinking it’s perfectly safe.

To me the line is competence & confidence. I’m not afraid of stabbing myself in the eye with a fork when I’m eating, or breaking my neck taking a shower, because I trust myself completely in those -and thousands of other- situations. Unless something actually warrants it. Like having my arm in a cast, or stepping on a soapy slick surface. At which point? I modify my actions. Fear is a tool. It alerts me that something is a possibility, so I address it / change my behavior, and the fear is replaced with caution. Should the situation exist long enough? The caution is also replaced... with confidence.

Fear/Rage ... the inability to MOVE ON easily -or even at all- from one state into the next, getting stuck in either? Is f*cking intolerable.