Sufferer C-ptsd Abuse/neglect

[GypsyThatIWas]

Hi everyone!

I'm a 27 y/o woman diagnosed with Conplex Post Traumatic Stress disorder stemming from a lengthy list of things. Childhood was enormously rough--long periods of neglect and homelessness, physical and emotional abuse as both a witness and victim--and things haven't been very easy into adulthood.

My CPTSD is fairly debilitating. I often feel a desperate need for validation and attention. Panic attacks can range from momentary lapses of reason to day-long struggles to not feel like I'm evil and bad things are going to happen to me. I struggle with depersonalization, derealization. I suicidalize frequently--I probably throw out a suicide note every week. I relapsed on self-harming over the summer, but I haven't since August. My relationship history is full of being manipulated and abused by people I trusted.

In fact, if I could solve one problem, it would be that. I recently had several discussions with my therapist about my last relationship--a four-year LTR--and she informed me it was not simply toxic but actively damaging and harmful. I knew it wasn't working and thus ended it, but she's convinced they were actively deceiving me and sought absolute control over my life--which they had. I gave them my finances, all of my time, I quit my job to help them with their children. It never even occurred to me to ask what I could receive from the relationship, mostly because I figured love was an honor I did not deserve and anyone patient enough to give it to me deserved my absolute devotion. That--combined with my ex's habit of screaming or guilting me if I wanted to spend time with anyone else including family--has left me fairly devastated.

Understanding this has made me very paranoid--of others and myself. I obviously cannot be trusted to make healthy life choices about the people I choose to associate with. I guess I want to know what steps I need to take in order to correctly identify love.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind most these days. I hope I can contribute to the discussions here--I've been a lurker for some time and really appreciate the discussions here.

 

[Pixielicious]

Thought I'd come and say hi... I know nothing about c-ptsd yet,
But I can give you advice about men.
1: set yourself clear boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate from a partner. And run a mile if any of those boundaries are broken.

I use this for myself.

 

[Richie]

control and respect seem to be top of the list. If they try to control you or treat you with disrespect then they are not worth hanging on to. People are not property and respect must be both earned and mutual otherwise it is not good enough. Don't sell yourself short to anyone

 

[Pixielicious]

And from personal experience, really get to know a man. Look at how he treats others, his own family (if he has one) and learn the red flags of abuse, that you should see instantly when dating.
Look at how he treats animals too.. It says a lot about a person.
Wo/men with PTSD are vulnerable and can be a magnet for abusers... They hunt around for gullible wo/men. I used to be like that. I mean gullible. I'm still vulnerable but I no longer am gullible. However, I tend to 'trust' people until they give me a reason to distrust them. Which isn't always a good thing. But I only believe anything when I've seen some proof :inlove:

 

[GypsyThatIWas]

And from personal experience, really get to know a man. Look at how he treats others, his own family...

This is a problem I have--I tend to try and think the best in people. I think that's why coming to understand that I was severely wrong--for years--makes it hard to not just trust others but trust my own judgement of others. It's enough to make me think I'll either be alone or in a cycle of dysfunctional relationships for the rest of my life. I guess the first answer is loving myself, as always.

 

[Richie]

nobody subscribes to my philosophical outlook of "everyone is an arsehole (asshole for our friends across the pond) until proven otherwise"?
I dont trust anyone and actively look for reasons to distrust them but logically, running out of reasons to distrust can only lead to reasons to trust someone. Process of elimination!

 

[Pixielicious]

No

This is a problem I have--I tend to try and think the best in people. I think that's why coming t...

No. Stop blaming yourself. I too still try to see the good in people first.
It's THEIR shame and THEIR fault if they take advantage of someone with a good heart.
Why should I or you change and become a bitter old hags to not get abused. Seriously, fug dat shit.
It's THEM that needs to change.
Despite everything that's happened to me, I'm proud that I still think like this. And tbh gypsy... Thank you. Because I'd forgotten who I once was. You've reminded me.
I'm 20yrs older than you, so I have gone through everything you've written....Unfortunately.
Don't let anyone ever hurt you again. Learn about what's right and wrong in a loving relationship.... And Never ever give up Hope.
Look at how far you've come already. No use blaming yourself for failed relationships /marriages like I used to do to myself...Look forward to a new life.
And s m i l e Because, you never know who's watching you, and will fall in love with your smile. :inlove:

 

[Pixielicious]

nobody subscribes to my philosophical outlook of "everyone is an arsehole (asshole for our friends acros...

You're a man.

Of course you would think backwards :inlove::laugh::roflmao:

 

[Richie]

You're a man.

Of course you would think backwards :inlove::laugh::roflmao:

that's very presumptuous! Have you been looking up my kilt? :D

 

[Pixielicious]

that's very presumptuous! Have you been looking up my kilt? :D

Hahahaha, i told you, I don't date transsexuals :D though I fully support the LGBT movement for their rights to be treated equally and fairly like every other human on this planet, equality for all I say regardless of race, creed, gender or sexuality :tup:

And pedophiles should be castrated, no ifs and buts on this. :tup:

 

[Richie]

completely agree. Colour, sexuality etc is what a person is. I am only interested in who a person is

 

[IamFree]

I really relate to coming from an abusive home and ending up in abusive relationships in adulthood. I think its because what you grow up with just seems so normal you do not know any better. Learning about co-dependency really helped me learn about what healthy relationships with self and others is. a really good book is Pia melody facing co-dependency.