Call Center employee - lack of Empathy

[anxietygirl]

I work in a call center and when customer get abusive or say triggering words/phrases in abusive tones, it can cause me to disassociate in a way (I never realized I did it really until a few weeks ago I put in previous post) and my call reviews by QA talk about me being less empathetic and not apologizing to customers when they are acting abusive and I am told to apologize to them for their issues. I get told I have silences and not immediate answers, but it’s like I’m trying to format a sentence and understand what is happening around me. I do feel far away and I’m sure it takes longer to respond because I’m trying not to panic. It’s been worse since that girl screamed at me a few weeks ago and anyone yelling at me really seems to cause me to panic.

It has been so long since someone did that to me in person it’s like she triggered something in me that was hidden for years.

What do I do? I have told certain people that I get triggered and have anxiety. I have FMLA for anxiety, I can’t hide behind it, but I shouldn’t have to endure abuse and apologize for to the person doing it to me.

I understand employers can’t cater to every employee but, abusive situations shouldn’t occur.

 

[Sideways]

I understand employers can’t cater to every employee but, abusive situations shouldn’t occur.

People shouldn’t be abusive.

And yet…here we are, with ptsd, because humans are, very often, a bitter disappointment.

Is it realistic to be asking yourself to function in a role where there’s probably going to be verbal abuse pretty regularly, and the procedure for handling it doesn’t work all that well for you?

There are some jobs where you can anticipate a higher volume of abusive, shitty human behaviour, and I’d say that probably call centres are right up there with the “Most likely to cop abuse routinely” roles.

There are other jobs where abuse is reeeeally rare.

For example - my very first job was in a fast food joint. And abuse was par for the course. The less people pay, and the less visible they are, the more abusive they tend to become. So being on the phone to people ordering cheap food meant I was copping an earful every other call.

My current job? I train puppies. Verbal abuse doesn’t happen. Like, ever. It’s just not a thing in this job. People are too happy. Too engaged. Too present. Doing something too meaningful that they love doing.

Which isn’t me saying quit your job.

But maybe extend some compassion to yourself - you’re asking yourself to function in a role that loads of people wouldn’t be able to do because you’re dealing with humans at their worst, rather than humans at their best.

 

[anxietygirl]

If only QA valued our feelings and what we went thru on a daily basis. There is no compassion or empathy for customer service (the internal customer) yet we are supposed to throw ourselves into every call. After so many you become desensitized to responding to it I guess, just like when I was a medical assistant and saw blood and cuts to the bone. I guess it’s a way I deal with things, especially emotional turmoil.

Im in my 40s, I don’t want to start over again, but I don’t want to be someone’s verbal punching bag either. tempting if something that paid well fell in my lap.

I know what you mean

 

[Weemie]

What do I do?

Pretend to agree, and then change nothing about your approach. All of my jobs have been customer service and in every single customer service job, especially call center ones with QAs, they will always find something to nitpick and criticize because that's the "coaching" model. I have had similar coaching. In fact, one time I hung up on a customer who started sexually harassing me on the phone, and my boss got angry with me on the floor because we should "never hang up on a customer."

So I loudly told her I'd be happy for her to explain to HR why she thinks it's acceptable for me to listen to "what color panties are you wearing" at my job. She dropped it. These people are shameless corporate vultures and they are told the buzzwords ("empathy," etc) to hammer in. The reality is even if your call is 100%, they will still make shit up to "coach" you on. Let it go, and do your job in a way that is sustainable for you. I have never in 4+ years of call center work, once apologized to a customer in the middle of screaming at me.

Or indeed any person, ever. Because that's nonsense. I tell them what I can do, and what they can do, to address their problem, and then I repeat myself until they tire themselves out and hang up. I've told my bosses on multiple occasions that there is no circumstance where I will apologize to someone else for their bad behavior. Customer service doesn't exist inside of a black hole.

We are all human beings, you aren't suddenly entitled to behave like a psychopath just because you're on the phone. The turnover rate at these jobs is high enough that you have a little bit of leeway to be firm. Unless you're a particular asshole, you're not getting fired for it. And if you do end up fired, it's probably for the best anyway. Ergo, you have nothing to lose.

 

[Ecdysis]

I would ask your employer specifically for training in dealing with difficult customers. I've done such training and it's really helpful, imo. And I tend to agree with @Sideways that call center work is rife with this kind of stuff and that it's not possible to change that. Seeking a less stressful job somewhere else may be more realistic.

 

[anxietygirl]

I would ask your employer specifically for training in dealing with difficult customers. I've done such training and it's really helpful, imo. And I tend to agree with @Sideways that call center work is rife with this kind of stuff and that it's not possible to change that. Seeking a less stressful job somewhere else may be more realistic.

They have paid for additional training for everyone that turned out to be elementary customer service training…they want us to apologize for everything, even things we have no control over. Someone was in the hospital, someone calls for the 20th time saying the same story as to why they can’t pay their bills and I’m supposed to empathize with them? Some of them I know of or are Facebook friends with (from old jobs or high school…not good friends), but well enough to know they were just on vacation in Mexico or Hawaii and it’s hard being lied to. Many people will say outright I just got back from (insert tropical island, European country, or them park here) and can’t pay my bill. I review it and it goes back months, not even just an oversight, we are talking not paying for a year sometimes more. If you have $ for your trip why couldn’t you pay your bill? I don’t even have money for that. It’s so frustrating. I have absolutely no empathy for people who do that, yet I’m supposed to act like it?

Pretend to agree, and then change nothing about your approach. All of my jobs have been customer service and in every single customer service job, especially call center ones with QAs, they will always find something to nitpick and criticize because that's the "coaching" model. I have had similar coaching. In fact, one time I hung up on a customer who started sexually harassing me on the phone, and my boss got angry with me on the floor because we should "never hang up on a customer."

So I loudly told her I'd be happy for her to explain to HR why she thinks it's acceptable for me to listen to "what color panties are you wearing" at my job. She dropped it. These people are shameless corporate vultures and they are told the buzzwords ("empathy," etc) to hammer in. The reality is even if your call is 100%, they will still make shit up to "coach" you on. Let it go, and do your job in a way that is sustainable for you. I have never in 4+ years of call center work, once apologized to a customer in the middle of screaming at me.

Or indeed any person, ever. Because that's nonsense. I tell them what I can do, and what they can do, to address their problem, and then I repeat myself until they tire themselves out and hang up. I've told my bosses on multiple occasions that there is no circumstance where I will apologize to someone else for their bad behavior. Customer service doesn't exist inside of a black hole.

We are all human beings, you aren't suddenly entitled to behave like a psychopath just because you're on the phone. The turnover rate at these jobs is high enough that you have a little bit of leeway to be firm. Unless you're a particular asshole, you're not getting fired for it. And if you do end up fired, it's probably for the best anyway. Ergo, you have nothing to lose.

I love you’re saying “you aren’t entitled to behave like a psychopath”

I have wanted to tell my boss, I don’t act like this when I call customer service. My mom would jump out of her urn if I did that. She would still manage to find me from the afterlife and stick a bar of soap in my mouth for treating someone so terrible

It’s not ok for customers to abuse reps. I wish I could hang up on customers but we are not allowed to. I’ve been told before (pre Covid) just keep listening to them…one lady I finally put my headset on my desk because it was so bad

 

[Ecdysis]

I would find a different job then.

I've worked in the complaints department of a call center before and was able to handle it fine.

I think it's valid if you simply don't like that kind of work tho. I don't think the customers are going to change tho.

 

[whiteraven]

I worked in customer service for a very long time, and I agree that it's probably time to find another job. Your 40s is NOT too late to do that--I got the first job I could ever really tolerate at 60, and I couldn't believe there were actually jobs out there where people were nice to each other. You are at the best time to start over and find something that is a good fit.

Here's the thing. This is how people are. You won't change the customers, and you surely won't change how customer service employees are managed. Customers will be abusive, and you will be expected to deal with it. You just need to decide if you want to keep doing that.

My job? I don't have to deal with the public at all. Best change I ever made!

Best of luck to you!