Can’t anymore

[Deleted member 37868]

I cried on the bus today. I just want everything to stop. I want to stop trying. It just makes me so sad to think about what my life could have been. Everyday tasks feel like huge mountains, I’m just so tired, the kind of tired sleep doesn’t fix. It feels like no one wants to help me, even ppl who’s job it is to help me. I wish I was blind or in a wheelchair so ppl would see that I’m not okay. Between the fibromyalgia and ptsd I can’t anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me to make so unlikable to other ppl, it’s like they take one look at me and instantly don’t like me, I swear to god. I just wanna one person to care about me the way I care about them. I’m so tired

 

[Fadeaway]

People can be selfish assholes and there is this underlying culture that is big right now about cutting negative people out of your life. In theory it means abusive people, but people take it to mean anyone who is depressed or struggling and doesn't have a fake happy smile plastered on their face. Genuine people are out there, just hard to find.

Dr.s and supports all seem so burned out.anymore. You have us.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I cried on the bus today. I just want everything to stop. I want to stop trying.

I was in your place yesterday and I understand. I live alone and have no family close by and all of my friends are busy and unavailable. I rarely speak anymore and it is hard. I hope that you are eating okay and keeping warm. I hope that you are resting.

It is so hard to turn the mind off once it has gotten started like you are feeling right now. I understand so well the feeling of wanting escape from the pain. You have fibro which makes it worse I think. Phsical pain makes me crazy.

Please be kind and gentle with you. Especially right now. Stress only adds to everything and before I knew it all snowballed for me into where you are now. Do you have any ways to cope right now?

Please whereever you go look for the one person that can see and hear you and understand you because this person will always go out of their way to help you to find some real help.

I think most people are in a fog with their own lives a lot these days but posting here was reaching out for some help and support and it will come to you and believe me it makes a huge difference to have good support when you need it. Do you watch comedies to numb yourself with. At times I am not able to follow them very well but it is restful to have something to focus on and to try to get yourself out of your own head for a little while. It is hard, and it takes practice but it does help a little. Please do kind things for you if you are not in too much pain right now.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 37868]

People can be selfish assholes and there is this underlying culture that is big right now about cuttin...

It’s true, I think we live in society not meant for humans, the pace, the pressure, everyone on their phones all the time. It’s more than that for me, basically any new people I have interactions with in person take an instant dislike to me, I’m over exaggerating obviously some ppl like me quite a lot, but the negativity from strangers I can’t handle it. The ppl at Accessibility services at my school didn’t want to help me out today, I’m registered with them, but they wouldn’t do for me what I know they do for others, I’m very reserved and serious but polite, so I eventually walked away crying and the lady at the front desk had a smirk on her face I swear to god. So I’m texting ppl, and stuff, eventually my mom comes home and she makes me call them, over the phone the same lady patches me through, and the advisor I talk to is amazing and does everything I asked for. Tell me there is not something off about that, I said the exact same thing in both instances to the same person!

People can be selfish assholes and there is this underlying culture that is big right now about cuttin...

Sry for the rant lol, I think I only just now processed everything that happened today, jeez u leave a nice supportive comment.

I was in your place yesterday and I understand. I live alone and have no family close by and all of my fr...

Thank you for the kind words, I really would have no one else to talk to in that moment on the bus. It’s true everyone is so self absorbed, it’s hard for me to understand my own generation. A good book or tv show can keep a man alive for another day- that’s a Korean or Chinese saying I can’t remember which, I love getting lost in them, especially if it’s a long series ! I do think I’m probably worn down from the pain and it’s making me less resilient emotionally, I don’t cry in public ever it’s the first time it’s happened to me I think besides being a kid maybe. I hope you are doing well or at least holding on as well, I know I tend to reply to posts when I’m feeling down.

 

[Fadeaway]

Rant away, rant away. We are here to listen. It is good to get it off your chest.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I really hope that your pain eases soon so you can get some relief.:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you have the opportunity to join a support group or something like that?

I got out of PHP two weeks ago and I was lucky to make a number of friends there. No explanation needed, no worrying about sharing struggles. Just acceptance from people who get it.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

Do you have the opportunity to join a support group or something like that?

I got out of PHP two...

I could, Im just very bad at group anything, idk man. I’m a weird one

 

[Mellieollie]

I cried on the bus today. I just want everything to stop. I want to stop trying. It just makes me s...

prayers..

 

[flowerapple]

I have been in your shoes many times and I know they aren't comfortable. It sucks but trust me it gets better. I know I probably sound like your broken tape recorder but it does. My T described it as being a wave and in the middle is the normal zone where we all should be. However something can happen that forces us to disregulated and become either hyperaroused where we are super anxious and jumpy or hypoaroused where we are super depressed and feel lost. But eventually something will happen that will put us back in the normal zone. So what you need to do right now is exercise your coping skills and try your very best to wait it out until you return to your normal zone.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

I have been in your shoes many times and I know they aren't comfortable. It sucks but trust me it g...

You are so right. Emotions are actually temporary! I get in this weird space sometimes where I cannot see past the present moment, nothing feels temporary, everything feels like it will be shit forever. But that’s not how the world works! It’s so weird to think of it like that but it’s very true. Blessings