Can A Person Be Too Broken?

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have to wonder if it even matters how broken a person is, because when you get down to reality we have to deal with whatever cards we are dealt.

The only thing getting a firm answer to this will serve is to make the bad choice to give up, and we all know that leads to S/H and S/I.

regardless of where one is on the spectrum of being broken, we all have only one path towards dealing with it, and that is to strive to become less broken, because its opposite is to remain broken, be miserable and possibly even give up.

So I think the question might be restated, "How broken do you want to be?", or "can you be less broken in the future than you are today".

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

[GALLERY=media, 4049]Kintsukuroi by 7Cs posted Jan 11, 2017 at 5:35 PM[/GALLERY]
I relate 100% but I don't...

KINTSUKUROI <3

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

@Mashed Potatoes I don't know of a person being too broken - I really don't have...

@JadesJewel in tears reading your reply. I feel like you grew up along side me. I never did cut because of things I have seen a long the way, but overdosing was my 'way out' til I realized that I was seeking help and didn't really want to die. I think I just wanted everything to stop, I wanted the memories to stop screaming at me, and I wanted someone to help me, to love me, to care for me... when no one did that for me. I'm blessed to have found this place where no one tell me to 'stop it' or just 'move on'. I'm glad to have others who understand and are helping each other to simply find ways to cope and live despite what happened. <3 Hugs to you my friend.

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

My ex-wife told me I was "too broken", despite the fact that I supported her and our 3 kids and...

I'm sorry that you went through that. It's hard when people don't understand but then I've said to people that I'm glad they don't at times because if they did / could, that would probably mean they went thru similar things and that breaks my heart. I wasn't sure what hypervigilence was, I had to google that (I have to google a lot of things I read on this forum). It made me feel like I might know what you are / were experiencing but I'm not sure. I don't always 'get it' but I"m trying. <3

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

My ex-wife told me I was "too broken", despite the fact that I supported her and our 3 kids and...

P.S. I'm sorry anyone ever said to you that you are 'too broken' <3 you aren't. I'm starting to realize no one is

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

I have to wonder if it even matters how broken a person is, because when you get down to rea...

I don't know what S/H is or S/I and Google was not very helpful :) I don't want to be broken, I know I can't change what happened. I want to be less broken. I want to make some weird peace with it. I don't want to feel alone in a room. I also don't know if I can ever be who I was and having just written that, I don't even know if that's a possibility anymore. I'm having a hard time adjusting to life I think. Things started as a child and then things kept happening. The last was the loss of my son in 2010 (he was 29 days old) and it was the same time as my last and 8th that I know of, concussion. I'd semi been "living with" PTSD, dep, anxiety, panic, and memory issues and doing alright. I had a great job making 50k a year and being in my favorite place, behind the desk and not so much in public. After the last concussion I had more brain fog that ever before. I'll start something and forget where I was, I can't cook anymore because I space and don't know what's happening. I read these paragraphs a ton of times and google because I can't figure it out. They put me on disability, I now make about 17k a year, I've moved a minumum 8hr plus distance from anyone who's related tome because they don't understand why I am this way. I act child like, I realize now that since the 'disability' thing happened, that I have been feeling worse. I don't know what to do, I don't know. I'm not even sure any of this just made any sense.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I don't know what S/H is or S/I and Google was not very helpful :) I don't want to be broken, I...

s/h is self harm and s/i is suicidal ideation.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I want to be less broken.

I am in this very same part in my life, I know there is not enough time, and too much to fix for me to be normal, or even close to normal, I know I will always have some of this with me, but like you I want to be improved so I don't hurt as much and can have a better life. So for me no improvement = no reason to exist, that's where I am at. But I am going all in on trying to get better.

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

I am in this very same part in my life, I know there is not enough time, and too much to fix...

I've been thinking about "time" lately too. I really think that thinking about time causes things to be worse, at least for me. I keep thinking about being in my late 40s, nearing 50 in 3 years. I think about will I ever be ... and then I kind of have to keep reminding myself. We are alive. We've survived, even if just to lift each other up, this is a purpose. We have to keep finding those reasons, even tiny ones, to keep going. Together.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@JadesJewel in tears reading your reply. I feel like you grew up along side...

We all that are on this web site are now given an opportunity to connect with "our people" meaning those who too have survived atrocities to our minds, bodies, and souls @Mashed Potatoes. In my past up until even recently, I have used everything imaginable to numb the violent pain, then the triggers from seemingly out of nowhere and then the crippling and mind-bending blowing flashbacks that are less from recently initiating EMDR Therapy. 5th or 6th session - need to check calendar).

Cutting, sexing, using drugs, alcohol, weed, cigs, food abuse, spending to fix, and on and on until I then began to overdose, over and over again, winding up in e.r. Drinking charcoal is horrible; also none of these non-coping mechanisms ever worked without a payout. And with each of these above listed self-destructive choices, I paid and paid more and more mentally, etc. (in e.r.) and I have prayed to God for help. Begging and pleading, and finally answers from God.

First, new psychologist EMDR Specialist, then this web site, also a good friend whom I love and loves me. She listens and gives very sound advice (she's like a sister to me) although no one understands like the members on this glorious site. No one (except Trauma Specialist (EMDR). I try to avoid people, places, and things that are going to heavily and negatively stress me. I deal with paranoia, and fight or flight.

There actually are people who seem to have their lives all together (no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and I stopped putting people on pedestals a long time ago because we always knock ourselves off) and some are cruel, manipulative, overbearing and controlling. Striking like a cobra at my core. I protect myself now; no one was there to do so in my past. Some try to control me, God is the only person that controls me, no human being. Never again.

There are people that have/will label us, try to control us, try to define us, and try and bring us down with their own issues. I believe support groups that have been researched and checked out as viable helpful support groups are an option, your decision @Mashed Potatoes. Your decision. I love to talk about what a gift! this site is to me and that it's a gift that keeps on giving. JadesJewel

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

We all that are on this web site are now given an opportunity to connect with "our people" meaning t...

I hope you are finding relief with the EMDR. I did that in 2004, hands at first (didn't work) then I went to someone who used a light bar, that worked better for me. EMDR helped me to reprocess a certain memory / situation that was crippling me. She never suggested it for anything else. There is a lot more I wanted to write to you but it's lost on me already, I hate when that happens. <3

 

[LiketheMouse]

Can a Person Be Too Broken?

I’ve been thinking about this for a little...

Your post was on point tonight. As I am feeling way too broken. My trauma was different from yours, but my pain is the same. I wonder how I got here. How I managed to surround myself with people who legitimately find me to be a nuisance now. The few people I thought I could count on, distanced themselves from me after having me committed. I've been broken since I was 8 years old. Every day I pick up the pieces and try to hold myself together, some days are better than others, each day I feel like I'm rebuilding (again). I never quite make it to the summit. I keep trying even on the days when it would be easier to give up. I don't know if I'm too broken but I am broken. I just want to feel whole.