Can Anyone Relate? Do You Do This?

[joeylittle]

I think maybe this is our way of trying to work through it ourselves?

I think sometimes yes, but sometimes it's a way to ruminate to the point of it becoming detrimental. The end goal of exposing yourself to your triggers or stressors is to gain a more neutral or balanced response. When done in a purposeful way, it can be useful.

If you find yourself turning it over and over in your mind without any real purpose, or perhaps are thinking thoughts like "no-one understands this is how badly I feel", "I'm suffering but I'm alone"....then you are more likely giving yourself a kind of cry for help - a signal that you are bottoming out and need to gain some support and coping strategies.

(There's nothing wrong with a cry for help, even a private one - it's always legit; it's only important that you can recognize it as such and accept help when it's offered, or ask for the help you need.)

 

[Dissociated1]

Triggering oneself is a self reinforcing mechanism trauma victims use to sustain their rage. The simultaneous attraction to and repulsion of the trigger enables them to maintain the coping mechanisms that protect them from their rage. Dr. Shengold goes into great detail about this in Dead Link Removed

 

[Enaila]

I know I am going to be triggering flashbacks when I journal, yet I still do it most the time and it is a healthy way to work through the trama. Guess difference with me is I don't want to trigger the flashback and will often refuse or choose not to write.

 

[Megyn]

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hmmm, I've done CBT, which was awesome. I know it doesn't help everyone but it helped me to hear the negative tape running in my head.

 

[Megyn]

I can relate to you. I have horrible thoughts that pop into my head when I am triggered by certain thin...

You are aware of alot of things going on in you, psychologically, which is a good thing. I know you would benefit so much from therapy. When you look for one don't just take the first therapist you come across, if possible. Try to have a short conversation on the phone with 2 or 3 and see who you immediately connect with, whether it's the tone of their voice, what they say, etc.

Sadly, if I'm honest, part of me "likes" some of the feelings involved with being triggered. I mean, my first experiences with sex as a small child were rape, violation, confusion and fear, so those things arouse me greatly, physically. I hate it psychologically.

 

[Megyn]

(I just joined this site and have no scientific knowledge about any of this stuff or anything) But I th...

You're absolutely right. It's a way of processing memories, body memories. I think the catch, for me, is trying to be present and take control. Also, there are things I've reenacted in the past that I no longer do, or want to do, or am compelled to do so I imagine that's then been processed.

 

[Megyn]

I know I am going to be triggering flashbacks when I journal, yet I still do it most the time and it is...

Now that you mention that, I usually, 99% of the time, put off writing/Journaling after a fb. Idk if it's because I'm embarrassed to even write it or if I don't want to trigger myself again, at that time? Cuz I know if I wait a cpl of hours, I WILL forget it ever happened.

But yes, Journaling is def a trigger for me. I'll be writing and just stop. I'll find I've been staring off into space, contemplating memories, for much longer than it seems. I'll try to write again, I space out and eventually "give in" to the fb.

 

[Megyn]

Triggering oneself is a self reinforcing mechanism trauma victims use to sustain their rage. The s...

Wow, I like that ALOT. It makes sooo much sense and I can absolutely see what that doctor is saying. I must read about that! Asap.

 

[Megyn]

I think sometimes yes, but sometimes it's a way to ruminate to the point of it becoming detrimental....

I agree with that too. I know what im supposed to do when this happens but have only been able to do it once, which, hey, is a start.

I def don't think things like I'm alone, etc, it's much more intense in that I'm really back there, back in time, being abused :/

 

[Megyn]

I trigger myself a lot, often I lie in my bed in the exact same position as I was raped in and just sort...

Yep, I do the same. Get in "position" and relive it all over again. The crying the whimpering, the thoughts "why are you doing this to me?"

I'm sorry Lil Sam. It makes me sad to hear you do that. I've often been told we should have the same compassion for ourselves that we have for others..

 

[I_will_recover]

maintain the coping mechanisms that protect them from their rage

Or to keep my rage/anger fresh and hard and ongoing. All while keeping my fear/belief that I'll never be without the fingerprint of my trauma a reminder.

 

[Megyn]

Or to keep my rage/anger fresh and hard and ongoing. All while keeping my fear/belief that I'll...

I can identify with that. So much of me wants to be rid of this once and for all but a small portion wants it, almost needs it to be who I was/am, not who I was meant to be.