Can i ask my therapist and how?

[UnicornSightings]

It’s human to care about others. It’s awesome that you care! But I totally agree, it’s not your job to do anything to make her feel better. I struggle with this myself. I want my t to feel good about what he’s doing. I have to constantly watch that. For me, it’s because that was my role growing up. But I trust that my t can take care of himself and boost his own confidence, it isn’t my job. With a friend you get their caring by caring about them. With a therapist you get their caring by giving them money and no caring needs to be reciprocated. It’s kind of awesome.

 

[barefoot]

I don’t see it as meaning you can’t care about her. More that it’s not for you to “take care” of her.

It’s not for you to make sure she’s ok, to worry about her, to feel a need to reassure her about things about herself/her life. She has other people in her life for that stuff - it’s not the role of a client to be that person for her.

 

[Freida]

How about this.....

"I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now." Short. Simple. Something you can say to anyone on the street to indicate acknowledgement without getting personal.

 

[hymnless]

I also think it’s worth considering that not outing her might be the most caring thing you can do. If you’ve been seeing her for a bit and she’s never said anything, it’s probably because she doesn’t want her work life and personal life to overlap. Outing myself to clients is always a tiny bit difficult because it really has nothing to do with my work. I think I’d feel really uncomfortable if someone said that they didn’t mind that I was gay because 1. that would feel like they minded and 2. all I’d think is “could they see the gay on me? Is there some sort of indelible mark?”

Maybe it’ll come up, maybe it won’t. Showing up and doing the work is all you need to do to let her know you care.

 

[Fadeaway]

The impression I am getting from you is that maybe you are worried that lesbian = sexual attraction towards you. Please correct me if I am wrong.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Please correct me if I am wrong.

Not at all I have friends who are lesbians since high school. I think im more confused about my caring boundaries as I am afraid I'll start to care too much and then therapy has ended and we never talk anymore. I am a super caring person so I'm confused about the not caring boundaries.

 

[EveHarrington]

“I think it would really help me to incorporate touch into my therapy as I’m afraid of touch due to my past trauma.”

“Do you think it would be ok if i could start with being hugged?”


————————


This is really all you need to say. Really.

 

[Rumors]

So if you were with a heterosexual, married therapist would you say, "I'm ok with you touching me even though you are straight..." Uh, no you wouldn't. Her sexuality is irrelevant to her sharing comfort with you or whether or not you accept that. If her sexuality is becoming the forefront of this decision you are with the writing no therapist. Just my opinion...

 

[anonymous]

What do you mean by how she wears her rings @Katiesue ?

 

[Freida]

“I think it would really help me to incorporate touch into my therapy as I’m afraid of touch...

@EveHarrington that is brilliant!

 

[Stephernovas]

This whole post is a huge boundary violation. I truly hope your therapist is able to safely set some boundaries with you. She is not there to be your friend. Personally, I really like my therapist and love attending our sessions because she is unapologetically herself. Somedays we banter back and forth and ask general caring questions about family and life before the session starts (because what human doesn't care about another), but when it comes down to it we respect each other enough to stop and focus on work (my traumas). We get a long great, and I do care about her (i.e., she was feeling unwell during our session so I asked if she would like me to get her some water or something. I moved the trash can closer - she was going to throw up - and asked if she was okay). But, I would never get into heavy conversations about her emotions, that is where professionalism comes into play. Regardless of what great friends we could be, our relationship started as therapist and client, so that is what it stays. We both know the boundaries and respect them.

 

[Peachesandcream]

This whole post is a huge boundary violation. I truly hope your therapist is able to safely set so...

Isn’t it the therapists job to look after themselves though? I don’t necessarily see it as a boundary violation. It is clearly something that has come up for the OP so perhaps would benefit from talking about it. None of us really know the reasons why it’s coming up. It sounds to me more like the OP is wanting to confirm her curiosity? It is normal to wonder? IMO yes it is. Does or should another persons sexual orientation matter to anyone other than that person? IMO not at all. But can’t someone be curious about it without feeling like they are doing something wrong? Yes there are perhaps better ways for her to word it perhaps. I am female if I had a Straight male T would I presume he was attracted to me? NO but would I wonder if maybe he was attracted to me ? Yes especially if it involves touch. If I had a lesbian T would I presume she was attracted to me as I was female ? no but would I wonder could she be .? Yes . Don’t see any difference or anything wrong with either scenario but both would make me curious and wonder and ring up different feelings in me.

Also in relation to caring of course it’s not our ‘job’ to care about our T . AS someone else said hopefully they have people in their lives who do that but caring isn’t about ‘jobs’ it’s a natural human emotion that just can’t be turned on and off at will. ‘Trying to take of someone’ though that doesn’t need you to do so ... well that’s slightly different . All just my two cents take it with a pinch of salt . :)