Childhood Can I check something out before I ask if I can give it to someone else

[oakleaves]

Thank you both I really appreciate those responses.

I feel like he will have heard so much worse than my experiences but to me the impact is really significant (obviously, as i have loads of ptsd symptoms plus other things) so it creates so much doubt and dismissing of it.

I just found myself looking at lists from a couple of books 'the spectrum of sexual abuse and my experiences are like in the bottom third of the 'spectrum' and although that reassured me it also made me think maybe it wasn't that bad.

So your responses are really helpful to read and remember.

Hint: If you walked over to the nearest elementary school, and did ANY of that to one of the students, what would it be?

That made me laugh in a sort of bleak way because it is a very good way of looking at it. I hate that I doubt myself so much and I just want to get it said. I have got so close and said bits before but I need to just do it like I owe it to a younger part of myself.

 

[oakleaves]

I think I feel like I am more badly affected by it than I should be for something of that 'severity' but then I remember the context (I wasn't safe anyway physically or psychologically even without that) and then the meaning of it to me is really unpleasant and I couldn't tell and my mum liked him so I suppose that makes it worse. I don't know why I feel I have to justify my reaction though.

 

[oakleaves]

I've written some brief details of some memories down which I'm going to send to my therapist. They are vague because I can't send the words or read them to myself so I'm hoping the few sentences I've written will make sense and he eil get the enormity of what I'm trying to say.

I saw some people say they write down flashbacks. For me that feels worse because some of mine are really visceral (the feeling of things in my mouth is one and feeling like it's blocking air sorry so horrible).

So I'm just writing down the places of my memories and vague things and I hope it's enough for me to do some work on what I know the memories are.

I loathe myself for all of this.