gms1976
Bronze Member
Hi!
I've been meaning to post this for a while. I told my hubby I was going to put my brain on Ebay to see what I could get for it and maybe put a downpayment on a new one. He just laughed and probably thought I was feeling a bit more insane than usual.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in late 2010 related to repeated childhood traumas. It was about 15 or so years after things ended when I started showing symptoms. I didn't even know my childhood had been abnormal. I think things had been leaking through for a while but I seriously started to crash in late 2009. Severe depression, labile moods, nightmares, insomnia, jumpiness, anger (tons), a disintegrating memory, zoning out, dissociation, uncontrolled 'daydreaming', anxiety attacks, tons of triggers, crying. The list goes on. Trouble reading (eyes keep skipping words and paragraphs) and my ability to focus for extended periods of time is a joke (I get tremendous headaches when I force myself to concentrate). I also seem to have some kind of ADD (really bad lately) because anything distracts me and it takes an act of god to get my attention back on track. Oh and I work with data input, graphs and numbers - how fun.
Since then, things have slowly gotten worse no matter what I've done. I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this. I feel like I have dementia or something. When I forget, I mean forget - most of the time I don't realize I've forgotten something until someone asks something. If I don't write something down immediately, it's history. It's permanently gone.
I forget what I'm talking about half-way through a sentance or explanation. This happened right in the middle of a job interview - looked like a world-class idiot. I forget questions and zone out in the middle of conversations without realizing it and usually arrive back in the conversation with every one politely looking at me awaiting a response. I live with notepads scattered throughout the house. I write things on the back of my hand because I often forget that I've written stuff down on paper. It is so much hard work to make sure I remember things. Aargh! I've had to sit and think several times while typing this because my train of thought totally derailed while I was typing a sentance and I honestly didn't know what I was writing. I draw a total blank when I try to remember things. Most people sort of have a vague recollection, like something they can't put their finger on or an image or something! I have nothing, just a blank, grey wall that sometime is an absolute shock to walk into because it appears many times as soon as I try to remember things.
I bought an expensive course and had to repeat module 1 again when I reached the end of module 2 as I had forgotten and you need module 1 to understand the remainder. Needless to say, module 2 is as far as I've gotten.
My grammer and spelling have slowly deteriorated from what they used to be (you should see my typing if I don't correct it) and many times I look at a word and I know it's spelt right, but it's like my brain can't recognize it. I told this to my family doc and we got a CT and MRI which showed absolutely nothing and my doc has probably added hyperchondriac to my list of problems. Any type of stress - good or bad makes it worse. I sometimes sit at my desk trying to remember something and zone out without realizing it. Sometimes I've lost 10 or so minutes. About a year or so ago, I was dissociating so badly I was losing time and I would find my work done and I didn't remember doing it.
Lately I've had to take over a colleague's work (as well as my own) as she's out on medical leave - yay more stress, let's pile it on. We get told no overtime, just work faster. I took copious pages of notes when she was training me as I knew I would forget. I asked her the same things several times (got a few funny looks) and didn't realize I had asked the same questions already, and then went back to review my notes because I couldn't remember anything on them. It was mostly like I was reading them for the first time. I remembered writing them while I was training, but their content was mostly new to me or it was a shock to remember something that I had forgotten so utterly.
My brain is like molasses and I kid you not, I was adding single digits on a calculator the other day because my brain just couldn't remember that 7+8=15. I was literally counting on my fingers. I'm a registered nurse with a 4-year degree and I work in the quality department of a local hospital. I collect and trend data and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Often when I can't remember something I have an anxiety attack because it is usually part of my job and I waste valuable time trying to think through fog and syrup to do things.
The silver lining is that I can re-read most of my favorite books as I've forgotten a lot of the plots.;)
Overall, I'm convinced I'm losing or lost my mind. I would be really interested to see if anyone else has this problem and if so, if there's any way to overcome the problem because if I'm not mad, then I'm well on my way.:O_o:
Gayle
I've been meaning to post this for a while. I told my hubby I was going to put my brain on Ebay to see what I could get for it and maybe put a downpayment on a new one. He just laughed and probably thought I was feeling a bit more insane than usual.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in late 2010 related to repeated childhood traumas. It was about 15 or so years after things ended when I started showing symptoms. I didn't even know my childhood had been abnormal. I think things had been leaking through for a while but I seriously started to crash in late 2009. Severe depression, labile moods, nightmares, insomnia, jumpiness, anger (tons), a disintegrating memory, zoning out, dissociation, uncontrolled 'daydreaming', anxiety attacks, tons of triggers, crying. The list goes on. Trouble reading (eyes keep skipping words and paragraphs) and my ability to focus for extended periods of time is a joke (I get tremendous headaches when I force myself to concentrate). I also seem to have some kind of ADD (really bad lately) because anything distracts me and it takes an act of god to get my attention back on track. Oh and I work with data input, graphs and numbers - how fun.
Since then, things have slowly gotten worse no matter what I've done. I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this. I feel like I have dementia or something. When I forget, I mean forget - most of the time I don't realize I've forgotten something until someone asks something. If I don't write something down immediately, it's history. It's permanently gone.
I forget what I'm talking about half-way through a sentance or explanation. This happened right in the middle of a job interview - looked like a world-class idiot. I forget questions and zone out in the middle of conversations without realizing it and usually arrive back in the conversation with every one politely looking at me awaiting a response. I live with notepads scattered throughout the house. I write things on the back of my hand because I often forget that I've written stuff down on paper. It is so much hard work to make sure I remember things. Aargh! I've had to sit and think several times while typing this because my train of thought totally derailed while I was typing a sentance and I honestly didn't know what I was writing. I draw a total blank when I try to remember things. Most people sort of have a vague recollection, like something they can't put their finger on or an image or something! I have nothing, just a blank, grey wall that sometime is an absolute shock to walk into because it appears many times as soon as I try to remember things.
I bought an expensive course and had to repeat module 1 again when I reached the end of module 2 as I had forgotten and you need module 1 to understand the remainder. Needless to say, module 2 is as far as I've gotten.
My grammer and spelling have slowly deteriorated from what they used to be (you should see my typing if I don't correct it) and many times I look at a word and I know it's spelt right, but it's like my brain can't recognize it. I told this to my family doc and we got a CT and MRI which showed absolutely nothing and my doc has probably added hyperchondriac to my list of problems. Any type of stress - good or bad makes it worse. I sometimes sit at my desk trying to remember something and zone out without realizing it. Sometimes I've lost 10 or so minutes. About a year or so ago, I was dissociating so badly I was losing time and I would find my work done and I didn't remember doing it.
Lately I've had to take over a colleague's work (as well as my own) as she's out on medical leave - yay more stress, let's pile it on. We get told no overtime, just work faster. I took copious pages of notes when she was training me as I knew I would forget. I asked her the same things several times (got a few funny looks) and didn't realize I had asked the same questions already, and then went back to review my notes because I couldn't remember anything on them. It was mostly like I was reading them for the first time. I remembered writing them while I was training, but their content was mostly new to me or it was a shock to remember something that I had forgotten so utterly.
My brain is like molasses and I kid you not, I was adding single digits on a calculator the other day because my brain just couldn't remember that 7+8=15. I was literally counting on my fingers. I'm a registered nurse with a 4-year degree and I work in the quality department of a local hospital. I collect and trend data and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Often when I can't remember something I have an anxiety attack because it is usually part of my job and I waste valuable time trying to think through fog and syrup to do things.
The silver lining is that I can re-read most of my favorite books as I've forgotten a lot of the plots.;)
Overall, I'm convinced I'm losing or lost my mind. I would be really interested to see if anyone else has this problem and if so, if there's any way to overcome the problem because if I'm not mad, then I'm well on my way.:O_o:
Gayle
