Can I Have A New Brain Please - My Memory's Taken A Holiday

[Red Feather]

Thanks gms1876. It means a lot to me. One of the reasons I feel so powerless about it.

 

[Philippa]

Hi gms1976,

I have a suggestion that might be helpful for your situation, and anyone else who is having the same trouble with their brains.

I recently started a training programme that I found on the net recently. It's with a company called Lumosity, and they send you these games daily, when you subscribe (comes to roughly $5 a month, though you have to pay for two years membership up front, so it's $120 all up...but soo worth it I think), that challenge and get your brain working, but in a fun way.

It helps with focus, and concentration, peripheral eye training, memory, and other cool stuff.

I can't wait to train each day now. The sessions go for about 15 minutes all up and if you do it in the morning, you set yourself up for a day where your brain is stimulated from the start.

Anyway, it's something I'm really loving right now, so I thought I'd share and if it's your thing, then hopefully it can help you too.

 

[gms1976]

Loveneverfails,

I have been thinking half my life that I had a learning disability. My teachers said I had trouble learning and interpreting things. I thought I was just plain dumb. Now I've learned that PTSD brains process things differently. Even though my main PTSD symptoms only started in 2009 and I was diagnosed in 2010, I think things were leaking through at times. One of the problems with learning and PTSD is that the brain is constantly trying to escape (hence dissociation) and when you are trying to focus and concentrate it fights that so one ends up skipping words, sentences or even paragraphs without intending to or remembering you did. I actually spoke with my therapist about this earlier today and she explained it all. On some level, our poor brains are looking for a way out.:confused:

Chincho,

You have no idea how much what you said makes sense to me! Numbers, figures, car insurance numbers and quotes - anything complicated makes my brain either spin, freeze or just shut down. I just wish I could function like my husband who is calm, coordinated and a Land Surveyor who works with complicated high-level math every day. I feel like an idiot when I'm on my calculator adding single digits and he's doing trig or geometry in his head. Aaaargh!

Kaii,

I'm so glad you posted! I've never met another nurse with PTSD before. I'm so sorry you had to leave nursing. That must have been incredibly hard. I'm a nurse to the bone. I had to slowly withdraw from clinical practice in the ICU (where I used to run specialized beds, 8-10 iv's simultaneously, ventilators and so much more!). Damn, I used to be soooo good at my job!! Then I started to have anxiety attacks and freeze up during codes (thank goodness there was always a ton of people present so no one noticed). I also started doubting myself and almost made a few serious mistakes but thankfully I caught them all. That was the big wakeup call for me. I didn't want to endanger my patients and I couldn't trust myself any longer. It was heartbreaking, but I left the clinical field.

I have Bipolar II as well and I didn't know I was having mood swings and being triggered at the same time. It was pure hell! I love working with patients, but I worked the nightshift and as a result I went about 2-3 years on 4-5hours sleep a day. There was at least once a week when I was up for 24 hours or more straight as I would get home in the morning and have a ton of errands and chores to do before I went to bed. Suddenly it would be 4pm and I would realize I had been up for over 24 hours. A job opened up in the QM department and I took it. It's bittersweet really as it enables me to have a steady schedule, but I really hate the paper work - and politics - and miss the patients terribly. I know I couldn't return there right now as my memory is so awful and there are so many procedures and policies I've forgotten. Not to mention stress is a huge trigger for me. I used to be able to remember a laundry list of MD orders on the run while setting up a central line and keeping an eye on my vent settings simultaneously, but now I can barely remember a few words of the last sentence that someone spoke to me or sometimes even the last conversation. PTSD has truly affected my career. These days with my fabulous memory, even paperwork is a nightmare as figures have to be so darn precise and I can carefully bungle anything I put my mind to. Ugh! I really would like a new brain! I hope we can talk more in the future.:)


Hey Phillipa,

I heard about Luminosity too! I just hadn't really looked into it. I think I'm going to take a look and see if I like it. I need help with everything you listed. Thank you so much for the info! I'll take all the help I can get!

Thank you!

Gayle

 

[Kaii]

Damn, I used to be soooo good at my job!! Then I started to have anxiety attacks......

That was the big wakeup call for me.....I didn't want to endanger my patients and I couldn't trust myself any longer. It was heartbreaking....

I love working with patients, but I know I couldn't return there right now as my memory is so awful and there are so many procedures and policies I've forgotten. Not to mention stress is a huge trigger for me. I used to be able to remember a laundry list of MD orders on the run..... PTSD has truly affected my career.

It's funny, I could have written those words. Unfortunately, it has been so long since I've worked that I no longer "feel" like a nurse anymore. I find myself thinking "I used to be a nurse".

I worked in Oncology and then later in Palliative Care. It got to the point that I couldn't handle the suffering and death anymore. I would cry on the way to work and then again on the way home.

I couldn't handle my PTSD and be an effective caregiver at the same time. I worried about providing safe and competent care for my patients. I loved my patients and I loved nursing but I honestly don't feel like I'll ever be able to return to the hospital in a nursing capacity. My brain just won't cooperate. I even forgot to pick up my son from school yesterday. How can I be expected to access PICC lines and Ports??? How can I be trusted with administering chemo and narcotics if I can't even remember that my child is waiting for me at school???

It just sucks. Period. There is no other word for it. Oh, maybe scary, that's a good one too. It sucks and it's scary.

 

[Philippa]

I thought it made sense to call it Luminosity as well, but it's just Lumosity. Good luck with it gms1976.

 

[HëllaBubz]

long story short, I was in dementia specific/ethnic specific and palliative care, I totally understand what you guys are saying.
Was so relieved to find some other nurses on here,:cry: almost cried because it's so good to know I'm not the only one.

I've been so isolated, this forum has been such a highlight... chatting with people without the stress of having to deal with them in person! Whoopee! :p

 

[Jen93]

We can probably find a low-quality one at Walmart or Target. You can find anything at those stores. They'll work fine, but they'll be cheap, and not the best. Still, there's enough for everyone. They always keep well-stocked.

 

[gms1976]

We can probably find a low-quality one at Walmart or Target.

LOL! You are probably right! The scary part is surviving the parking lot! :eek: Where I live it's nothing for someone to flip around in a Wal-Mart parking lot and go the wrong way down a one-way aisle because it's "easier". I've almost gotten beaned by a few idiots who drove through the parking lot in the wrong direction going 20mph.:mad: My husband and I try to go early in the morning when it's quiet or not at all.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi I have thoughly enjoyed reading this thread and all of the responses. This happened to me before. I heard it was dissociation and mind overload. What helped was to focus on one thing at a time. I hope we do not get dementia from ptsd. I am the caregiver for my husband wiith lewy body dementia. I need to have my mind. So far so good.

I used to wish I could take my brain out and put it in a container with soothing solution. Just a rinse to get it functional again. Hopefully this too shall pass.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I am the caregiver for my husband wiith lewy body dementia. I need to have my mind. So far so good.

Hi Gizmo,

I have taken care of clients with Lewy Body dementia, I can definitely say that I understand some of the difficulties you face.
Chin up, a hug is always here if you need one.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you, hugs always welcome. We had a good day today. I thank God for the laptop and this site. It is nice to meet you.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Yes, finding this site has really brightened my week, although I mustn't let it be an excuse to avoid housework!!! :hugs:

It's an absolute pleasure to meet you too.