Can Ptsd Sufferer Feel Belonging And Couplehood?

[Kamina]

My PTSD sufferer tells me that his brain doesn't get the idea of togetherness. He says he has been teaching his brain to see us as a couple but it just doesn't get it. He says something is missing there in his brain. He sometimes shows signs of jealously about other men around me but sometimes he tells me "give these other men a chance" and, that it is very strange to hear. He has never been in a relationship before. All his experiences with women had been FWB kind of thing. But I told him from the begging that I can't do that and I can only be in a committed long term relationship.
I wonder if this is his personality that he wants to be free of any responsibility or is it really PTSD. So hard to read him. Help!

 

[Friday]

Can it be PTSD? Yes.
Can it be personality? Yes.
Can it be expectations learned from experience? Yes.
Can it be something entirely separate and unrelated to the above? Yes.
Can it be a combo of some or all of the above? Yes.

 

[MommaRose]

PTSD can make relationships really complicated. However, as was already said this could be personality or PTSD. Does he see anyone about it? A T would be much better at assessing if it's trauma or personality related or something else entirely, like self esteem.

 

[sun seeker]

He says he has been teaching his brain to see us as a couple but it just doesn't get it. He says something is missing there in his brain.

Therapy can help with that. It takes time, and it takes finding a therapist who knows how to work on attachment issues, but if he wants it enough, he can change it. You'll need to decide how committed you are, because it won't change fast and there may be times it gets worse before it gets better.

ETA: Actually, you would both have to decide how committed you are, because if he wants to be in a committed relationship but doesn't know how, that's something therapy can help with, while if he wants a different kind of relationship and you don't, it just isn't going to work.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am guessing he has child trauma. Early child hood trauma.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sounds like extreme incompatibility.

He wants freedom. He's known nothing but freedom his entire life.

You want the extreme end of relationships. You want a long term committed relationship.

No other type of relationship in between is ok for you.

Not dating casually.
Not dating, and seeing nobody else.
Nothing but -----long term----- commitment.

How long have you been with this guy?

If not long, then I'd say you're jumping 1,000 steps ahead by wanting a long term commitment from him.

There's nothing wrong with his wants/needs in a relationship and nothing wrong with yours.

What is wrong is trying to force someone into doing what they don't want to do or being what they don't want to be. (I'm not saying this is you as I don't know enough about your story.)

But given what he's said, and knowing that I feel the same in many ways (don't need relationships, don't understand why people want them, etc)------I really don't think this is something that you can "fix" so that he will give you the commitment that you want.

I think it may just be how he is. I think you two may be fundamentally incompatible.

But in the end, I wouldn't expect him to give you that long term commitment and love it-------he's just not wired that way.

I think maybe you should find someone who wants what you want.

As for being "PTSD"------it may be due to trauma, but I don't think this is PTSD. Not based on what you've said. (Not wanting to commit isn't a PTSD symptom.)