Relationship Can Someone Help Me....?

[Jacobs]

Hi, I would like to start off and say I am not a wife but I am (was?) a fiancé to a army veteran who got medically retired the last day of 2014...
He is now 28(this past August), I am 30...he moved to me once he got out here in wi...he lived with me for a total of 2 years...however every 3 months he always runs...and by running I mean go back to his moms house which is in wa...

This last time before he left he checked himself into a inpatient va hospital bcuz of his serve PTSD and fantasy about killing himself...(he has total of 3 babies ages 1.5(twins) and a 3 year old). He never sees the twins because of the ex wife and the 3. Year old they rotate every 6 months until school starts...

This is my very first military man I've been with and I would say he is my dream man how he treated me (very gentleman type)...however he can't stop running...do I let him go and just be there when he calls or texts or do I keep trying to talk with him?

He says he still loves me and wants only me but he's on he west coast...please help!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

do I let him go and just be there when he calls

^^^ this.

Sometimes us suffers isolate and if someone pursued me when I was isolating it would make me isolate more.

(was?) a fiancé

Are you questioning if you are still a fiance? And if so, what's making you feel you need to question that.

Relationships are hard but with the push/pull and other PTSD symptoms it can make it much harder.

These books are good to help you understand, have healthy boundries and help you take care of you, etc:

Dead Link Removed

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608827860/?tag=pf03-20

 

[EveHarrington]

Did he run from mom #1 to be with mom #2? You may have a serial runner on your hands, and if so I'd let him go.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is nothing you can do to change his behavior. That's on him. He has to seek treatment. Supporters can only support, they cannot fix.

Right now all you can do is decide if you're happy living in this kind of relationship, because he may always act this way.

It seems like he has bounced from woman to woman a lot over the past 4 years, if he has 3 kids under the age of 4 with two different women and has lived with you for 2 years. He may not be capable of being in an actual relationship. Some PTSD sufferers are not healthy enough to function in one.

It also may not have anything to do with PTSD. It could just be his personality in general. Some people just aren't good at relationships.

You have to decide what is best for YOU. Can you live with this the rest of your life?

 

[slyfox9120]

Dont give up on him. He must really love you and feel threated when you get to close. Putting up a wall "Running" can be quite common for victors but confusing for their partners (including mine) . He may just no be aware of what he is doing or how it makes you feel. Sounds like you two just need to have a good, open and honest conversiation and somtimes that really helps us to beaware of what is going on.

 

[Jacobs]

Dont give up on him. He must really love you and feel threated when you get to close. Putting up a wall "Running" c...

I don't want to give up on him...I feel like he needs me and I never push him to explain things but I do tell him how I feel...he does know he has hurt me n he says he doesn't want to hurt me w his problems....

 

[Sighs]

So... do you want to be needed or do you want to be happy?

Serious question.

 

[Jacobs]

So... do you want to be needed or do you want to be happy?

Serious question.

I am happy w him n I don't want to change him. However when this happens I'm so confused as to why it happens. He admits he needs me n he thanks me every time.

 

[selfcompassion]

What do you want? Feelings aside, if he is not healthy enough, taking action to heal himself and all self accountibility that comes with this choice, then I would move on. Love does not fix all, shrinks have the degree. Personally, I would set boundaries, leave the door open, but move on with my life.

 

[Sighs]

I am happy w him n I don't want to change him. However when this happens I'm so confused as to why it happens

If you're happy with him as he is then why does it matter why it happens? Again, serious question.

 

[Jacobs]

I'm happy w him as a person however I am trying to understand why this happens

 

[EveHarrington]

He's either a serial runner which means he is a runner and it's just his nature.

Or.

His stress cup overflows every 3 months and that's why he runs.