Can Someone Relate To This?

[ikop]

At the beginning after I started to notice the ptsd symptoms , one of the things that was very strange that I developed some decision making error , or problems or impairment . I was sitting in front at the computer and I realized that I am reaching my hand to the mouse and in the middle of the movement I draw my hand back , and it started happen more and more. I didn't realize what it was.

One month after, I founded myself almost incapable doing simple tasks! It is a situation that I cant decide how to take the glass , or in what hand to do some procedure or where to put the plate, it's like the people what cannot decide what to wear but with me it happening in a very automatic manner and very intense. When I walk in the street it is hard for me to navigate between people because I cannot decide what is the right way to do it, to go left or right ,etc.

I am sure 100% that it is not a psychological thing, and I feel retarded because of this.

I cannot find any description of that on the net and most of the doctors I ask about just thinking it's some anxiety or hypochondria . But it is not. It's more like a neurological defect.

Does somthing like that happend here to someone ? does it get better with time?

Shit , it is driving me crazy, and it is very scary. It's impossible to function like that at all.

 

[ikop]

sorry about mistakes.***

 

[intothelight]

Hi Ikop,

I find this happening to myself when I am extremely anxious. I call it "short circuiting". I literally cannot make even the most simple decision, and I spend so much time "staring" at objects and trying to figure out what they are for.

I don't know if there is a "clinical" name for it, but it definitely feels like the wiring got scrambled.

Not sure if this is what you are experiencing, but it sounded similar.

I hope you find out the reason and find some peace.

Debbie

 

[Tinyflame]

I've had it occur, as ITL described, your guess is as good as mine but think it's a huge amount of stress, or exhaustion, or both at once.

 

[ikop]

I thought about this, that it can be stress but it doesn't look like that. it is like something is not wired there....
I can swear it not stress...

 

[Sterre]

I'm not sure if it's the same feeling but I can relate to the part of feeling incapable to structure, desicion wise, simple tasks like showering or making a phone call, or do grocery shopping. I found myself trapped in a web of not knowing wich decision to make to begin the task. For instance: when i wanted to take a shower i could not decide on what would be the first step to start taking a shower. Would it be collecting a towel first, or turning on the water, or getting my clothes off? I really had to concentrate very hard to complete or begin those tasks. Just small everyday task that you usually complete on autopilot. For me it's obvious that it has to do with the re-activiation of my PTSD symptoms, because these "decision making"symptoms started almost at the same time as my PTSD symptoms. In the beginning i also didnt feel stressed out or something like that, so i could not recognise it as being a psychological thing, but looking back i think it is.

For me it did get better in time, what helped me a great deal is trying to accept that my mind is somewhat scrambled up for now, and everything i feel and do ( and the way i act) is quitte different then my "normal"state.

I hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[ikop]

sterre.
what you describe seems for now some way related to what i am experiencing , but it is so intense and so disabling.
it goes to a level that i am not only having hard time to decide but i am canceling actions in the middle, it is like you said, you are at the shower and you want to turn the water so you starting to reach your hand and boom , pushing it back....

 

[jesse]

Ikop I'm not a shrink but it kind of sounds like a form of OCD maybe? Are you sleeping? I would think not sleeping would cause that too. I hope it goes away soon it sounds like a terrible thing to experience.

 

[ikop]

jesse , i though of a possibility of OCD , but i dont have any thoughts about my actions and i don't do it for any ritual like with ocd it is very automatic....
it is like that now 8 months.

 

[Sterre]

Ikop, eight months is a long time, and i can imagine that it's very disabling to you. I'm not sure if you've allready seen a doctor or something to rule out if it's something neurological?
I can read that it worries you very much. To me worrying/obsessing about it increased these symptoms. At some point ( with variyng succes) i decided to accept the fact that it was difficult for me to make these simple decisions ( consiously or uncousious). I accepted that i was far more chaotic/ indecisive then i ussually am.That released some of the pressure and decreased the symptoms some.

For me , i think it has to do with the fact that my whole body and mind where busy with keeping the lid on underlying traumatic feelings that were rising to the surface, so it could not be busy with making everyday decisions. My body just went in survival mode, and i did not have any control over it.
Sometimes it was/is quitte funny also, because when i look at myself in action, it creates some silly situations, that i sometimes try to laugh about . ( Running naked trough the house for 15 minutes and freezing my butt of because i finally decided to get my clothes of to take the shower but could not complete the task by acctually getting under the shower.;))

As what i read from you , you seem very coherent and clear as to what's going on. Maybe it can relax you if you try to accept it for now even if it is very disabeling.

( appologies for bad grammar or punctuation flaws for english is not my native language, and the spell check only helps me out a little bit)

 

[Bin]

I find this thread fascinating as it is something I haven't heard about before in all my PTSD research etc. I'm wondering if perhaps it may be attributable to the '4F's' response being triggered, causing the individual to 'freeze' (quite literally in sterre's case) in the middle of a specific action. If this is the core problem, then if you could identify some fear or concern that was present at the time, it might help to gain some degree of control.

PTSD is a highly debilitating affliction, and it affects different people in different ways. Certainly, there is much irrational behaviour associated with disrupted thinking patterns and neurological performance / function. One thing is known about PTSD and that is that it 'occupies' our emotional brain (which is not the normal process) because the higher intellectual brain, which would normally process incoming stimuli / data, 'shuts' the door on traumatic memories as they threaten to overwhelm it. This is achieved by closing down the synapses (connections) between nerve endings at the relevant borders between the two brains in a process known as 'neuronal gating' (many drugs, such as pain killers, do exactly the same). But I am left wondering why this would affect motor (movement) control centres of the brain - but these are, perhaps significantly, located in the higher brain.

I don't know, I'm just kicking around ideas....

Bin.

 

[ikop]

BIN the problems itself is not about motor movement , (As is understand it ) but more about inability to make decisions. to a very intensive level .

sterre - i think that i will have accept it for now , like you said , because it seems that i don't have any control over it .
i hope it will get better..otherwise i am in trouble....