Can We Get Ready And Not Even Realise It?

[Jacquie]

I have decided I want to dance again. I have decided that even though my past life is in the shredder and my skills and tastes and everything else have changed (strange new world) that ok I HAVE A BLANK PAGE!

That blank page doesnt scare me. Its what I wanted. I wanted RID of all the noise and clutter and invasions....until I had....nothing. A blank page.

And now......now I can take up my brush and my palette, and I can daub great huge colorful strokes, or I can draw one tiny raindrop in a single corner. As I like. I can put anything there I want.

Its my page.

Time to dream again and plan. And nobody else has to like it one little bit. It belongs to me. And I'm going to paint my own page.....my way.

It belongs to me.

 

[Zipperhead]

I'll buy that painting from you. If it's not too much bother, can you make the tear drop reflecting the word Hope?

 

[NutritionNerd]

I agree There is so much I still want to do - After his suicide attempt we tried to fix things up but I got horrible PTSD symptoms and had an upgrade going on at work. Things got so bad that one weekend we both got suicidal. I did some dumb things and my son got hurt. Never again. After that we haven't been suicidal since. Both of us getting locked up for crazy was just too rough.

Every day I feel good - like today is crammed full of stuff I want to do and now I just do things because tomorrow might not come.

There are times I wonder why I'm still trying - when everything seems like a dead end and that there's no reason to go on. I just go to sleep or kill time looking at dumb pictures of cats with captions or something on the internet. It's dead time, I just wait it out til the clouds clear and then get on with living - every little bit I can grab.

 

[bluemoon]

SI & SH are a battle.:notworthy:

 

[LoyalOne]

II just go to sleep or kill time looking at dumb pictures of cats with captions or something on the internet.

My sufferer does this. I sometimes think cats were invented to make sad people feel better.

(((you)))

 

[OKRADLAK]

Zip, I feel this a lot. And I do run away. I go from place to place and no succour.

I am sad all the time and when I am not sad I am mad. I never like myself anymore.

I tolerate myself and think about it often. I can't and hope I do not, but even when I do not think about it, I feel that I deserve it, that I deserve to do that to myself .

 

[jo may]

OKRADLAK - I feel the same way to a degree.

I was taken to hospital early am and I told them I may as well stay home and I was right.
But it was the first time since my last overdose that I had my pills and they weren't under lock and key by my hubby.
I admit to being tempted to get a bottle of water and swallow the lot, but I didn't and I'm proud I decided to go home and fight the feeling.

I also decided that the glass of milk at home i was craving was a much better offer than the pills :D
It was the best glass of milk I've ever had. We just have to keep fighting it and not let it win, I refuse to leave my children motherless:tup: