lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
As can I. I had gone to 4 free "therapists/counselors" (using the terms VERY loosely) and 2 had sex with me, 1 kicked me out of session for "not being ready for exposure therapy" when I freaked due to him purposely telling someone to cast a shadow on the wall right outside of the office from the light of the glass door and he had purposely left the door to his office cracked open. And we were IN A CHURCH! What I thought was an empty one but churches are already HUGE triggers/fears for me. Passing one on the road sends me into panic if Chopper isn't with me and even when he is there is a lot of anxiety. Just passing one on the road. And we were in one. And then the last one kicked me out for not saying a damn word for an hour and told me to never come back.
So, I can say I understand the fear of therapy well. But he is avoiding. "His timing" and "when he'll be ready" will be never if he's anything like me. I wanted to go back and I always wanted help (thus why 4 free "therapists/counselors" and not just 1) but if I was not forced I wouldn't of gone back. Ever.
My step mom's MD refered us to a psychritrist. She went with me to the psychiatrist and they have licenced mental health counselors (LMHC) there in the group. That is what my therapist is. All I told her is I have abuse in my past (and I wasn't even talking about the cult as I didnt classify that as abuse. I was talking about being sexually abused by a 14 yr old family friend at 7 but "abuse in my past" is all I said) and she said "oh, you'll need one of our counselors then" and asked if I wanted male or female. I said male and my therapist was the only male there at the time. It so happened he is the absolute perfect therapist me for but I happened upon him.
And I didnt agree to go to weekly appointments at first. I agreed (with my dad & step mom) to go to see a psychiatrist once. It all happened from there. My therapist had no idea of my actual trauma (any of it) for a year. He said I needed weekly appointments due to symptoms I advised him of (and I think he knew there was way more then just my dad & step mom which is all we talked about for a year) and I went only because my dad was gonna kick me out of I didnt. There is no way on god's green earth that I wouldn't of gone back without that ultimatum/boundry "go or leave" he gave me. I would have wanted to but that fear was paraylizing and there was no way I could of gotten myself to go. So "my timing" would have been never no matter how much i wanted help. That fear was just too much.
So, I get it. But I still say you need to set a strict "go and continue going or I'm gone" boundry. Sometimes you have to push us to face a fear.
