As many posts on this forum point out, your stories could be my life. There are always subtle differences though, and that's what makes things hard. It is nice to share similar stories and experiences, but when the laptop goes off, back to hell.
As I type this, she asks me for Jack Daniels. She has not been able to sleep the past few days, well even less than usual, and whiskey is the cure. I told her I can't get it for her. She had problems with binge drinking and a family history of alcoholism. Her previous T told her she should not use alcohol, her brain can't handle it -- after she had a bad rage episode in which she threw some of my posessions out the front door and said the most hateful things to me -- all after she returned from buying cigarettes drunk with a smashed bumper and denying she had a drink and claiming with certainty that she did not cause the damage to the car. She still does not remember what happened.
So the guilt trips begin... she can't drive and I am going to force her to drive before she is ready. Whatever happens will be my fault for denying her whiskey.
She can't sleep and I am preventing this by denying her whiskey.
Yesterday she complained about sleep and threw in a subtle "and you took away my whiskey" while she filled up yet another cup of coffee. "Coffee won't help you sleep." "It's the only thing that has kept me sane! You want to take that from me too!?"
Back to the original reason for this post -- she asked me this morning if I heard from my family lately. I tell her my brother called this morning and he had just been to a wedding. She demanded details and then belittled me for not realizing how this is another piece of her conspiracy puzzle. And that we need to talk about this after she eventually sleeps -- implying divorce -- and that she doesn't want my money, she doesn't care, she'll work the streets! That went into "I don't know what hidden conversations you may have had and what rumors you may have heard, but I haven't cheated on you. But I would forgive that."
I tell her that I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with what she is dealing with, but that she can trust me more than she gives me credit for, and she can trust others more than she gives them credit for. And she asks how I know, did I talk to them? And yes, I'm right, I have no idea. And how long will I be out shopping, what time will I be back, be careful.
On top of it all, our conversation triggered her again, so I am keeping her from sleeping by always triggering her.
Damn it.
As I type this, she asks me for Jack Daniels. She has not been able to sleep the past few days, well even less than usual, and whiskey is the cure. I told her I can't get it for her. She had problems with binge drinking and a family history of alcoholism. Her previous T told her she should not use alcohol, her brain can't handle it -- after she had a bad rage episode in which she threw some of my posessions out the front door and said the most hateful things to me -- all after she returned from buying cigarettes drunk with a smashed bumper and denying she had a drink and claiming with certainty that she did not cause the damage to the car. She still does not remember what happened.
So the guilt trips begin... she can't drive and I am going to force her to drive before she is ready. Whatever happens will be my fault for denying her whiskey.
She can't sleep and I am preventing this by denying her whiskey.
Yesterday she complained about sleep and threw in a subtle "and you took away my whiskey" while she filled up yet another cup of coffee. "Coffee won't help you sleep." "It's the only thing that has kept me sane! You want to take that from me too!?"
Back to the original reason for this post -- she asked me this morning if I heard from my family lately. I tell her my brother called this morning and he had just been to a wedding. She demanded details and then belittled me for not realizing how this is another piece of her conspiracy puzzle. And that we need to talk about this after she eventually sleeps -- implying divorce -- and that she doesn't want my money, she doesn't care, she'll work the streets! That went into "I don't know what hidden conversations you may have had and what rumors you may have heard, but I haven't cheated on you. But I would forgive that."
I tell her that I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with what she is dealing with, but that she can trust me more than she gives me credit for, and she can trust others more than she gives them credit for. And she asks how I know, did I talk to them? And yes, I'm right, I have no idea. And how long will I be out shopping, what time will I be back, be careful.
On top of it all, our conversation triggered her again, so I am keeping her from sleeping by always triggering her.
Damn it.
