Can't Fight The Suicidal Thoughts

[Alibongo]

I'm pretty good today. My birthday is in the coming week, and today is the day I'm celebrating it. T...

Thank you. And happy birthday! I hope you have a lovely day with your wife! :D

 

[I_will_recover]

@Alibongo

Keep posting here. "Inevitable suicide" and "death by my own hands" are the exact words are used with my therapist on Thursday. You're not alone. I will repeat-keep posting here. We do care. This site has literally saved my life on more than one occasion because it reminded me I was not alone in my desperation ans pain. My T has listen to me for years talk about the inevitability of it. And as much as I love to say he has answers, he doesn't. Only on the phone sessions have I heard him near tears. But he does have compassion, understanding and he's got my back.

If you are not able to connect with a god T perhaps you can find a support buddy on this site. Sometimes, for me, it just takes connecting with others as I am relatively alone (no siblings, a verbally abusive parent and no friends due to my severe and crippling ptsd). You are not alone! And the people here are understanding.

Internet Hugs is you're inclined to accept them.:hug:

 

[Alibongo]

@Alibongo

Keep posting here. "Inevitable suicide" and "death by my own hand...

I always accept hugs thank you :)
The loneliness is one of the toughest parts I think. I used to always be surrounded by people but now I just want to stay at home. I really like my T but I understand the pressures of the NHS-I can't keep seeing her if there's nothing else she can do and I'm stopping someone else from being seen.
I just moved back to my own house tonight so I'm on my own now. I'm looking around and my house is a mess-haven't cleaned for months-disgraceful I know. I also have a funeral tomorrow which I'm dreading. I feel like someone has sucked the life out of me.
I am so sorry for the awful things u went through -people are just horrible.

 

[I_will_recover]

@Alibongo

Two things (suggestions not directives):
1) I always say people are horrible to my T but coming here reminds me that not everyone is. Example - you and me ;)
2) keep seeing you're T. If she has helped I the past she can likely still help/provide support. Maybe let her know (via email or voicemail if easier) that a new game plan or approach is needed as the current m.o. is not working. Therapist aren't mind readers (gosh I wish they were) and she may not know a different approach is necessary.

Oh, and I guess I have a third :whistling:
I've always worried I was taking away my T's important time and stopping someone else (reads: more deserving) in need from seeing him. I'm not and neither are you. Our pain is as valid as anyone else's and we deserve support. If our Therapists didn't feel that way they would be ethical bound to terminate the relationship.

I've been 5150ed and taking a cab home, walking into my empty apartment was almost as traumatic as my suicide attempt and involuntary hospital stay.

The deafening loneliness is cause by PTSD, which is an illness but hopefully not a death sentence. I wish I remembered that more often.

 

[Alibongo]

Hi guys I'm really sorry to be a pest but things have really come to a head this week. Have been discharged from therapy as my T is leaving and at reassessment said I had enough sessions and that this is a normal grief reaction. Even though I told her about the sleep problems, irritability, memory loss, poor concentration, crappy eating and suicidal plans. I'm on the waiting list for psychiatry but who knows how long that will take. I have one more session (ending) on Monday then I'm left to just get on with it. I actually don't know what to do. How am I going deal with this on my own? Finding myself on the verge of doing something probably very stupid but I don't see any other way

 

[BlueOrange]

That question (how to get by on your own) is definitely the first one to ask on Monday!

I have no idea how the NHS works, so can't advise about getting another assessment done, but it should be possible.

Get a piece of paper and put it on the fridge, put your local suicide hotline and crisis numbers on it.

And stay active here - keep in touch and talk to people about your experiences.

 

[Alibongo]

That question (how to get by on your own) is definitely the first one to ask on Monday!

I have no i...

Thank you for replying. I've been referred to the psychiatrist so I'm hoping they can change the decision but I will ask on Monday. Just tired of having to fight x

 

[BlueOrange]

You're welcome. And yeah, the fighting is tiring and unpleasant. And we need to fight hardest when we are the least able. It sucks.