Cant Get There From Here

[mysihba]

KP, I honestly have run out of ideas for "things to do for me "

 

[mysihba]

"wondering when Anthony is going to ban me for fingers that can't type and dyslexia and poor spelling, all post PTSD"...sorry , am trying

 

[mysihba]

OK, gotta find the original Pink Panther movies....and move. That's progress, right ??

 

[Reclusive]

One step at a time. I have a picture of a fox in winter fur (all white) on my desktop. It's really beautiful. And when I start feeling freaked out, I minimize my windows, put my feet up, and look at the fox. I don't know if that's something that would help you, but there it is. And one step at a time.

Like you, my family has nothing to do with me. And I have a fiance, but he's struggling more with his PTSD than I am, so he can't exactly be supportive of me. I'm all on my own AND taking care of someone else. Getting through the day is a win in my book.

 

[mysihba]

Wow, that is tough. That must be a huge drain. Is it working for you or dragging you down further ? Nice fox. Those eyes are riveting. Thanks for chiming in here. Glad to share anything that may help each other. It would be nice to able to let one's gaurd down and get a bit of support. I hope that comes for you. What would help you right now ?

 

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It is a huge drain, but so is PTSD in itself... I don't think it makes it anymore draining than if I was on my own. Sometimes it does drag me down further because I have to mask what I'm going through most the time - if I look upset, it freaks him out, so that kinda blows. It may not be healthy, but I get my support here, from people like you who are going through the same thing. I also take frequent naps.

Right now.... I wanna go take pictures, but it's dark out. I find that I'm most comfortable going out in the middle of the night, when the rest of the world is asleep. I like the nighttime world, but it sucks for photography.

 

[mysihba]

I tend to come alive at night also. I used to take a lot of pics. Had fun at night trying to get just the right amount of flash on the subject with a cool background showing up too. Maybe that would work for you. It's nice knowing I'm not the only night time person. I haven't exactly come up with a good reason why. A few theories but nothing that really fits. Maybe, I just don't have to face the rest of the world and it's usually quiet ? And don't have to "work" at keeping a mask on. I think I quit "working" at that a while ago.

 

[mysihba]

PS, you mentioned something about getting back on the Part D. How did that happen ??

 

[mysihba]

I must add that I took up photography many years ago. I was depressed(PTSD showing itself). I was determined to go out, anywhere, and find the "unseen" beauty. Where I live there is not a lot of "classic" natural beauty. It's on the high desert and many don't appreciate it. But the beauty if there, even for those that are "used" to it and don't "see" it.
If one just looks....for the beauty...it is there.

And that, is a great picture of a much, much bigger "picture"

Kind of like the sign always hanging in front of us that say "Joy". We have to re-learn how to grab it. I have to learn how to not beat myself up when I am unable to. IT is , still there. Practice makes perfect

 

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For me, I think it's because I can't do anything at night - pay bills, run errands, normal life stuff. I mean, I can pay bills online, but that's beside the point. I don't HAVE to do anything at 2:30am so I can just BE. At least, that's my theory.

Well, we went to the medicare site, used their 'find me a plan' function, and signed him up because he's been going all these years without any prescription coverage. I don't know how his case manager got rid of the late enrollment penalty, though, but apparently she did.

 

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That's funny - I live in the low desert. Because of my agoraphobia I don't get out very often, but I'm learning to explore my backyard and find beauty in tiny things. I makes me feel SO much better. Even if I don't have my camera, my eye is still trained to see that way, so it makes the world just a little bit better, and I'll take what I can get. ;)

 

[mysihba]

Thanks for the info. I'm glad you mentioned the photo urge. It made me remember why I took it up way back when. I think I need to revisit that. The last few years frustration with the camera, vehicle....and I guess, everything made me loose focus lol of those beginings. I have spent countless hours trying to get just the fight pic/exposure, etc. of just one thing, with the right sunset behind it etc. etc. Now it's hard to buy the gas, hard to get there and back with my rig NOT breaking down. Need to get that focus back