Can't handle clutter

[NewBeginnings]

We (family and I) have too much stuff in our house. We really do and I am not just saying that! - we do a great job of stuffing and hiding when we need to. My husband and I have been a bit anti-social so we haven't done the "stuff and hide" in months. The clutter is taking over.

I took another day off this week to go through some stuff- A friend of mine brought me 6 bags of clothes to see if I wanted anything - this was good because I need to dress for work and have needed to do some shopping. Anyway I started my day going throUgh it all and want to bring the rest to Good Will- I also have lots of clothes that I have out grown (weight gain which is also upsetting) so I started to pull out some of my stuff to add to the pile. One thing leads to another and I get so angry at myself for being this way - a complete mess and I loose where I end and other stuff begins. My husband also has given up cleaning anything and his clutter is really overtaking too. Now I am a mess -the flood of emotions- the anger at who I am and all my negativity just surround me and I need to get these crazy piles in order to get stuff out of my house.

It seems so stupid that I can't complete a simple task without falling apart. This happens a lot but usually I don't have much time so I attributed my negativity at little time - now I am completely overwhelmed and it is because I can't handle my clutter. I hate being this way.

Any thoughts?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Several years ago, I attended a kitchen clutter class in the local community. The lady teaching it was a professional cleaner/organizer and talked about how we accumulate SO MANY things throughout our lives, holding on to much of it declaring it as being sentimental, or feeling guilty if we'd let it go in case a relative who gave it to us would notice, or convincing ourselves we might finally reach that size of the garments we hold onto, etc., etc. I realized most of the crap I had sitting around my kitchen was for show, not for actual use. What a great eye opener, although it stirred uneasy feelings of letting go of things I was convinced I might need one day.

She discussed how each thing we acquire must have a designated space, then we must clean it, maintain it, work around it, find a new space for it if it gets in the way, etc. etc. It constantly drains our energies like a mofo, but we're so used to it being considered the norm, that we keep telling ourselves various things to keep holding onto it while steadily accumulating even more. I used to be bad about thinking, "One day, I'm going to need this." Then when we moved 10 years later, most all of those things were still in boxes and I hadn't needed them, as of yet. I took each box to a thrift shop and it felt scary at first, but felt freeing once I actually let it go. I was raised from a place of much lack and was homeless for a while, making it feel rather necessary to "stock up" on damn near everything once I had a place to call home.

She offered solutions like taking a photo of the sentimental things and creating a photo album for your coffee table, then get rid of it all. That way, you still preserve the memories and get to see the objects without having to actually hold onto and maintain the objects themselves. She also suggested when cleaning our closets of clothes and such, to put what you know you haven't worn in the last two years or so directly into a bag to be donated, then take it straight to your car and put it in the front seat, in plain sight, to be delivered to your thrift shop/homeless shelter/etc. of your choice ASAP. If we leave the bag in the house, or if we store it out of sight, like in the trunk, we are sure to rotate it back into our inventory eventually. Same goes with anything we finally decide to part with. Take it somewhere as soon as possible to increase our chances of actually letting it go.

She also suggested setting a timer and only working on it about 20-30 minutes a day vs. draining your entire life force by feeling you MUST tackle it all at once. That tends to overwhelm and make us feel like we could never possibly get it all done, so we end up saying to hell with it, again, and again, as I did quite often.

I learned I'd been holding onto things others valued much more greatly than I did, in hopes of them seeing how much I was touched by their generous kindness, not realizing each thing given to me created an energy cord that was eventually strangling my time and attention. Even after we moved, I still see stuff that's simply foofy and not at all functional. I try to whittle my personal belongings down to functional-only status, as much as possible. It helped a great deal during my drastic lifestyle changes and I have, so far, been doing well at not bringing more stuff in without making it a point to also take stuff out. Functional in, foofy out.

It's an ongoing process, much like healing. Be kind to self while you approach it. I found seeking local places that had a genuine need for what I had helped motivate me even more. Goodwill is okay and all, but I tend to choose the homeless shelter who operates a thrift shop, too, and allows anyone staying there to have access to the items at no cost, and what they sell goes back into the shelter. Or I give things to the domestic/sexual abuse shelter that provides free counseling to survivors like myself. Best wishes in freeing up that energy. Be kind to self in the process.

 

[Flip flop]

We (family and I) have too much stuff in our house. We really do and I am not just saying that! -...

I used the KonMari Method with two KonMari books I got on the cheap online. Followed them to the letter. I thoroughly enjoyed the process and I feel it has created lots of positive change in my life.

Just my two.
Best of luck on your journey!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Every once in awhile I go through my stuff and purge. I’m not a hoarder by any means, but I do know people who are and they have STUFF!!!!, I hate clutter it makes me crazy and I can’t function, so everything in my little apartment has a home and that’s where it lives. There is no place for clutter,,,,,

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When I lived in the cabin in the mountains so many years ago, people would tell me that our place looked like a museum and when my husband got so sick we had to sell our home of twenty five years and move down into a smaller mobile home. I was so ruthless in getting rid of stuff because of how sick my husband had gotten and as a twenty four seven caregiver, the only thing I could think of was I have to simplify. I was too ruthless and a few of the things I had gotten rid of I am very sorry now.

But it was good for me because we did not have the room to store anything if I had kept it. I think it is better to just start in a corner and if an item is not replaceable, keep it and if it is, toss it. Good luck.

 

[NewBeginnings]

I used the KonMari Method with two KonMari books I got on the cheap online. Followed them to the let...

I so like her books and the method. Unfortunately, I seem to have no follow through and get so incredibly negative when going through stuff. Trying to put in all into perspective.

 

[Flip flop]

I so like her books and the method. Unfortunately, I seem to have no follow through and get so in...

Sorry to hear that. Yeah, there are tough parts, esp. when dealing with items that bring up lotsa memories...lol. One thing I did with stuff that felt overwhelming at the time was put it in “the sentiment room.” Had a big box in there to put small stuff. That helped me keep going. Ended up sending truckloads to a charity shop then eventually had a yard sale for the rest. That was The Big Declutter of 2015. Now I just keep the system in place. Hope I don’t sound preachy. Just relating what works for me.

 

[NewBeginnings]

Sorry to hear that. Yeah, there are tough parts, esp. when dealing with items that bring up lotsa mem...

Glad to hear of your success. Not preachy at all... I am not quite sure what my issue is but my upset doesn’t come from sentimental items but rather a verbal disgust that I have accumulated so much which leads to not a good space.

 

[Flip flop]

Kewl.
Well, does it help to view the situation as one which wasn’t created overnight, or even a month, a year,...etc.?

 

[NewBeginnings]

Kewl.
Well, does it help to view the situation as one which wasn’t created overnight, or even a mon...

Hi - clutter is so sofocating. It is a huge burden and feels like it will take an eternity but I guess it would be a goal and one to keep me present just seems to bring up so much anxiety. Don’t want to make excuses and maybe I should make myself make a 15 minute effort at cleaning out something and then allow myself a break - once upon a time I followed “flyLady.com” and now that i think of it maybe I need to revisit and put resources into my clutter.

I get stuck sometimes that clutter/messy house = F%#^ ‘d up me and that I am no good deserve to live like sh**t. I believe what my house looks like is a direct reflection of me so I wouldn’t be able to fix it because I can fix me - i am broken and can’t be fixed- and this is my demons that I must live with everyday. Sorry for my rant .... here’s To my 15 minute clean up!

 

[Gadgie]

I just can’t settle down in a room if it’s all cluttered? Something inside me tells me to clean and tidy it up straight away.

Not when the adverts come on, but right now! Before the program even starts, other wise I won’t be able to enjoy watching it.

It’s the same in the kitchen, I’ve just eaten, and dying for a smoke, but I can’t go outside to have it, until all the washing up is done, and the kitchen is tidy?

Only then, I can go out for a smoke, when I’ve deserved it. Don’t ask me why, I simply have to do it, some say it’s OCD, but I don’t know, all I know is that I’ve been that way all my life, so I’m used to it now.

 

[littleoc]

Several years ago, I attended a kitchen clutter class in the local community. The lady teach...

Very helpful, thank you