Can't Imagine Why I Am Looking For Any Cheap Flights Out Of Here

[Srain]

I can't breathe, my head hurts, I'm looking for something or running.
It took me long years to get this house to look like a home and now I want
out, I want to tattoo a DNR on my chest and go anywhere but here.

Here or there, now or tomorrow....

can't breathe

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Srain, I think my need to run has sometimes been symptomatic of wanting to disappear, to try to wipe out a memory or 'record' of me, almost my mind's way of setting myself up (SI). I think to recognize that, will help you be able to manage it more easily.
Hugs, ((((Srain))))

 

[anni]

Have you ever tried the calming, grounding meditations for these overwhelming times? They can be very specific to you, not just all belief systems perhaps you yourself do not care for. I think Anthony has one as a thread somewhere if you type it into 'search'. It's just that sometimes when you do this, the sense of self returns enough to where you see if it's the surroundings which are making you feel so frantic and the wish to flee can just leave. It's just a thought-works sometimes.

I hope it's better today-awful to feel perhaps home isn't 'there' for you at the moment.

 

[The Albatross]

I can relate to just wanting to ditch out. I have held my feet to the fire here for 6 years. If I leave, I honestly believe I won't come back. I told my psychologist that in the joint session with my husband yesterday too.

 

[The Albatross]

It has been sheer will that I've been hanging in for these last years. The effort is exhausting, but I know it would only create more chaos and put me at risk for predators if I ditch out.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Rain)))

Breathe, deep breaths, in for 4, hold for 2 and out for 4. Repeat. Try to use your techniques. Remember to keep fluids up and care for yourself.

Linking arms with you
KP

 

[intothelight]

Hi Rain,

I feel like running many times. If the urge is overpowering, just getting out and driving to a park to walk/hike is extremely helpful.

Hope you find some peace.

Debbie

 

[Srain]

The weirdest thing happened yesterday morning as I finally told my husband where I thought I would go and whether or not I would be taking one of the dogs with me, she's my Service Animal. It's some place I don't know anyone but then I realized the one stop I have to make is close to one of my brothers I haven't seen in years who is ex-Special Forces. He is very illusive and every few years we get in touch. We've never been close but he is with the I'm very close with. I may see if is willing to do a little face time before one of us bites it since this may be our last chance.

As I was telling my husband this I asked him how he felt about my plans and he casually mentioned he was not all that thrilled but do what I have to like I did before when I drove to Virginia for a week or so. I was confused. I asked him to elaborate and he said something about like how I would feel if he left. I said he is gone all the time how would it be the same circumstance? It would not be any different for him except he would have the house to himself, which I imagine would be great!! Then he wouldn't have to pretend to listen to me and he wouldn't have to use his headset to listen to his 80s music :tup: on the weekends.

I got :alien:, that's it. I said that I was sorry but I don't understand because I would be relieved to have some space. He is not able to really express his feelings but at the same time I think he is saying he will miss me. The fact is I am who I am and most of the time I am a home body and very isolated. However, when I go I GO! So he accepts that and has full trust that it is something that I need to do and will be doing. I'll be back in time for my following tdoc appt.

I'm going to the desert to scream and listen to the silence or something. After stopping at the gun shop to get the necessities to feel comfy during my stay, after all I'm not stupid:ninja:, I'll mail my souvenir home. It's only a few days and heaven knows I need to G E T O U T.

Rain ...Ran...In...hmmmmmmm