Relationship Can't Live Like This Anymore

[Cin]

I swear I could have written that.

Be kind to yourself, Horizons. If you don't feel you can give up completely, don't. Just don't hang on for the "what ifs" and "what was" because you could be waiting for a hell of a long time and still be right where you are now.

 

[horizons]

Thanks Cin, I guess I'm still holding onto hope that he WILL choose a path to healing - that maybe this is part of HIS way...it still doesn't excuse the lies about the medication, the inconsistent and at times aggressive communication and behaviour and the sabotage of a business we were relying on for part of our livelihood.

If there is any of "true" him left, he will consider ALL options to feel better within himself and cease hurting those he loves the most. I guess my hope is that he realizes living a life untrue to himself will only drag him down further- pretending is stressful.

In the meantime, all I can do is try to find "me" again - that woman he fell in love with in the first place, before the PTSD set in. Because over the last 12 months I too have changed, trying to placate unexpected mood swings by "keeping the peace". I won't accept dishonesty and aggression again. It's not too much for me to ask considering I was prepared to change our whole life circumstances to accommodate his changed needs.

Dishonesty and Aggression ? No excuse. Not part of PTSD. (I'm making this my mantra for the day, having a tough one...)

HUGS Cin, thanks for being there for me when you're going through exactly the same turmoil xox

 

[Tbam]

Know that you are not the first person to walk this path and that even though you feel alone, you are not. That there are many many others who have lived through what you have lived through and still do. There are many carers that feel the same frustration that you do including many that belong to this forum. There are many that have felt the same anger and felt they have to draw a line in the sand. You are not alone in your feelings. Be strong and make the right decisions for you.