Can't Talk Because Of Flashbacks And Disassociation

[arfie]

Beating myself up over what doesn't work is part of my own stupid and childish feel. Finding what works for me takes allot of trial and error. It is often a process of elimination. Every idea I eliminate -at least for now- is another step in the process far more than another lash in the whip. So I tell myself. Seems to be working for me.

Be gentle with yourself, Jane.

 

[Jane.l]

@arfie thanks - yes you are right ,it's easy to drag ourselves down and forget how damn amazing it is we are doing this at all. 8 months ago I would not even consider therapy. It's easy to forget how far we have come when there's still such a long way to go !

 

[EverOnly358]

@D123 we seem to have a lot in common ! and yes much easier to give advice than take it because it somehow seems clearer when You are not in it, feeling it. I have spent months saying ok this can't get any worse and then there is some other disaster so a lot of therapy sessions have been spent 'fire fighting ' the most pressing problem that day and as such it's been hard to focus on one thing.

ME, TOO! I actually have 2 therapists and they both have trouble picking just one thing to work on next. So do I. I mean, life is complicated and there's always something that's coming up. Another crisis to deal with. That's why I'm 40 and just now dealing with my childhood trauma... it's been one crisis after another up until this past August, when I finally got to the point where I couldn't not focus on myself anymore. I became the most important crisis. (If that makes sense?)

Breathing exercises are INCREDIBLY hard for me. Just sitting and letting myself try to relax and let whatever needs to come up, just come up... it's almost impossible. I'm so used to pushing that stuff down, and getting on with being there for everyone else. But, I've come to realize, that it just makes it worse for me to not let that stuff up. I end up having more nightmares, flashbacks and dissociation. It's very, very hard to juggle while trying to deal with everything in life, too. I really feel for you about how hard it all is.

The important thing is to keep fighting, and you're doing that!
D

 

[Jane.l]

I can relate to so much of that I am 42 and up till now have dealt with everything on my own. Barriers up believing I was strong and not letting anyone in - just reinventing myself and moving on but never dealing with any of the issues. Until it all erupted and be came far bigger than I could cope with.

Some days I see a better brighter future. Other days are dark and hopeless. I am sure you feel the same.

 

[EverOnly358]

Some days I see a better brighter future. Other days are dark and hopeless. I am sure you feel the same.

I do. That's why this forum is so great. Because there are a lot of people that understand and are going through the same sorts of things. It's good to not feel alone.

 

[digger]

up till now have dealt with everything on my own. Barriers up believing I was strong and not letting anyone in - just reinventing myself and moving on but never dealing with any of the issues. Until it all erupted and be came far bigger than I could cope with.

That's pretty much where I am with things too.

I've also had major issues with not being able to speak. Slowly getting somewhere with that but I do mean very slowly. Frustrating.

 

[digger]

What I am finding helpful is writing some of the stuff down here between sessions in my diary or sharing thoughts or questions on the forum. It is helping to clarify my thoughts a bit and also to keep me a little more grounded in sessions because I am able to call up some of the advice I've had here. It's not really helping with muteness but is helping to stop me zoning out of the,session quite so quickly.

 

[Jane.l]

@digger that sounds like a really good idea. I am going to try it and also I guess the more we talk about things here the more 'normal' discussing it becomes which may help us to stay present for a little longer - maybe !?!

 

[digger]

You might find some of the replies I got on this thread useful as well

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/had-enough-of-fighting-my-own-head.37284/page-3#post-605955

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks will check it out

 

[Jane.l]

Omg !!! Digger I think everything you and abstract said could have been me - word for word - so much so it's just exactly whats going on for me too. Thank you .