Relationship Catch 22

[Purplemunchkin]

I'm currently in a bad place emotionally. I don't have the time and energy to give hubby the support he is used to. Me being constantly stressed and emotional, as well as being home late every night, is causing him to get stressed.

When he is stressed he needs more support, which puts more pressure on me so I sink further, so he gets more stressed, and round and round we go.

Ideally I need support from a loving partner right now, but I accept he's not up to that. But rather than giving me space to try and deal with my stuff he keeps picking stupid fights for attention.

I am so close to breaking right now (not his fault) that I don't know if I can cope with another pointless row about nothing.

How can I get him to understand that it isn't all about him? I need him to give me some breathing room (figuratively) until I can get my head sorted. I need to isolate!

Ugh, why is life never simple?

 

[Gadgie]

Would it be possible for the both if you take the time out, and actually talk to each other, like you would with a therapist?

A good idea is to go out somewhere away from the house, and just have a quiet relaxed evening together, and explain what you feel, and get him to open up as well, just be honest with each other.

It's a good idea if you both agree to that you are going to have a heart to heart talk, before you start, that way there are no surprises or arguments, as you are are relaxed and prepared. Worth a try, good luck.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs!

I know how much it sucks to not ever get to be the one needing support instead of providing it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

((Hugs))

Frustrating as hell... It'd be nice to be comforted when having issues, or like you said @Purplemunchkin, just getting some peace to have your issues alone.

I've never been able to figure out this situation in my own relationship. He just feeds off my stress and hurt, then it sends him over the edge. He then gets into the "me me me" self preservation mode... Understandable. It still sucks. Trying to talk about it during the time makes him feel attacked. Talking about it after makes him feel like dirt. One if these days I'm probably just gonna flip my wig, which won't help anything at all.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

@Gadgie I know exactly what you're saying. A heart to heart wouldn't work though as I would be a big blubbing mess (again, not his fault) and he couldn't handle that.

A quiet, relaxed evening together would do us wonders. But it's just not possible at the moment, which is part of the problem as he feels neglected.

@Sighs and @Sweetpea76 Thanks ladies, it's nice to know I'm not the only one. A few times lately I have felt selfish for not being there for him as much as normal.

This time will pass.

 

[Mytime]

It is so hard when your burnt out yourself. Maybe emailing how you feel may help. That way he has time to process, what your feeling. There's no miss understanding because it's in black and white. Sometimes it's easyer to write your needs out, then verbally Express them the right way. :hug:'s if you expect

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Hi @Mytime, I have always been a writer - my Mum didn't understand the concept of listening so as a teenager I would write her letters.

At the beginning of our relationship I used to write hubby notes and it drove him nuts! He's actually helped and encouraged me to become better at expressing myself verbally.

We went to a wedding yesterday which, whilst not quiet time alone, was a nice change of pace and we had some romantic moments of our own.

Fingers crossed my stuff will start to ease this week, and we'll be able to get our equilibrium back.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sending you good vibes and crossing my fingers for you.