Christmas: Emotional Numbing

[soulofLC]

There is a specific type of emotional abuse that involves cutting off a member of your family or a child from other family gatherings. I can't remember where I read it, but it was interesting.

If you happen to find the source, I would love to know what that's about because it has happened to me ad nauseam. About five instances run through my memory just reading your post. If I started writing them down, there would probably be a book.

Re triangles: Yes, perhaps our mothers were related. That makes us sisters!

 

[ms spock]

I googled "emotional abuse" and all these pages came up and some of them had 6 types of emotional abuse or 8 types of emotional abuse and one of those types had the exclusion from family and social gatherings.

*makes a spooky voice*

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun soulofLC Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

Your crazy sister is coming with water bombs, bubble blowing equipment and an endless amount of laughing and giggling.

 

[lil_fighter]

one of those types had the exclusion from family and social gatherings

if you know the link to any of these sites, let us know. I'd be interested as my father did something yet again yesterday.

I phoned him out of the blue to say 'hi' (deep down thinking, only 6 more months until you move to the other side of the world. I just need to bide my time and probably take you to the airport on the day you go - just to make sure this isn't all a sick joke lol)..and he seemed very panicky and uncomfortable, plus a bit annoyed and said that he was going to phone me because my aunt has just come over and has been there all weekend..but he didn't know if I could make it or not so didn't call me..he then went on to list all the things my half brothers and their new girlfriends did at the weekend (they're like three years of age practically and Im meant to feel jealous lol) with my aunt. He listed everything they ate, every little detail..I sat there listening and wanted to laugh at all of the things they had supposedly packed into a weekend because it started to get a bit over the top. I haven't seen this aunt in a long time because I cut contact with my father for a few years. She had called my dad at the last minute to say she was coming over (according to him) and she was due to go home early today - meaning I could have easily seen her on saturday or sunday at some point.

Much to my dad's annoyance, she wanted to speak to me and so I spoke to her in french and I wouldn't be surprised if he'd put the phone on loudspeaker to see how well I can communicate with her, because he'd hate if I ever told her the truth about him (she doesn't speak english). She was fine and invited me over to her for the summer..he must have been biting in to the back of his fat hand to supress his anger! lol made my evening anyway.

 

[soulofLC]

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun soulofLC Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

Your crazy sister is coming with water bombs, bubble blowing equipment and an endless amount of laughing and giggling.

I can't wait, Spock! I always wanted a sister, especially one as crazy as me!

 

[ms spock]

:)

 

[Stir Ling]

Dear extended family member:

Thank you for your invitation. It's very kind of you. While it's pleasant to know that you'd like to include me in your event, I'm also suddenly wondering. Would you, if given the chance, invite one of Sandusky's accusers to this event while simultaneously inviting Sandusky? Would you also then expect that accuser to have the slightest bit of fun, and would you be able to have fun yourself as this person either pretended there was nothing wrong, just as you pretended there was nothing wrong, or went upstairs to vomit by himself and maim his body.

If the answer to this question is "No, I would not make these invitations," I hope you'll understand why your current invitation, bless your heart, is absurd. If the answer is, "Why, yes, I would make that invitation," I can only tell you this much: *Do* pay attention to the (wo)man behind the curtain. That (wo)man is *you*!

Choosing to spend time away from my abuser and his apologists, I remain, as ever,

Stir Ling, your extended family member

 

[purple butterfly]

Another year has gone, nothing much has changed:

My daughter got married to a young man who reminds me of my deceased husband!!!!!

Christmas is pretty much the same as last year.

I sent a letter to my father trying to explain the issues I have. He was extremely ambivalent in his reply and stated that nothing seemed as bad as I outlined. He refused to come to my daughter wedding, until I said she wanted him there. The only time I saw him this year was at my daughters wedding. Had a valium before and I think drank too much.

He spoke to my eldest son about me a couple of months ago. Apparently he was angry, he expressed the notion that my issues must have just arisen in the last few years. He told my son, every time I saw him he said everything looked fine. I spoke to him on the phone so many times explaining what was happening and he chose to be blind to all the abuse. There was no way he could be involved in any trauma (obviously I forgot, he is a narcissist and obviously perfect).

Having a hip replacement on the 2nd Jan. I didn't want to tell my brothers. I didn't want their sympathy for a physical injury when they can't deal with emotional issues. Needless to say, I Ihave told them, not much support. What is new!!

 

[Emma13]

When it comes to Christmas or any other family outings that have to do with my father's side, I shut down or numb myself cause I know that my abuser will be there. There have been a couple of Christmases where I shut off every thing so completely that I was able to sit in the same room with him (with another cousin and my brother in there too), listen to the conversation around me that involved him, and not have the need to flee.

 

[ms spock]

I shut down or numb myself cause I know that my abuser will be there.

I don't have contact with my family because of that. Gosh that is a rough one to have to deal with.

 

[Emma13]

Gosh that is a rough one to have to deal with.

Especially when you see the person and the thought that enters is: "You're such a lucky B- because I am not gonna charge you with what you did (even though where I live there is no statute of limitations)." I could charge him, but I know I would probably be scapegoated by his parents.

 

[safenow]

How does it work that I am the one alone tonight and yet my father is the perpetrator and he has our family running around trying to make him happy, yet I am the one that has been hurt?

My father was a pedophile. He allowed his second wife to torture me, and finally she murdered my sister. Everyone was shocked that I didn't want him to be around his last wife's children. After all, he had stopped drinking. I told them truth, but he made them think I was a liar. Only after damage had been done, did they realize I was telling the truth. Do your children know how you were treated by him?

You set yourself up to be alone. I'm sorry. I know that hurts. But it's truth. I'm alone, but yet, I like being alone. I've grown accustomed to it. I'd rather be alone than with any one who is toxic to me.

Have you ever heard the story of the scorpion? He might be your pet, but in a second you can be dead, since he was born a scorpion. He is going to do what a scorpion does. Just because others say to have him in your life, doesn't mean you "should" have him in your life.

Just my .02

 

[safenow]

You know you give someone a fish and they are fed for a day and you teach someone to fish and they have the gift that keeps on giving in that they can feed themselves and their communities for the rest of their lives. (Old Chinese Fish)

I l;ove that one.

A victim of abuse doesn't have to justify, look after, take on the issues of the abuser. It is not your problem.

After my father died, my step-sister felt guilty that she inherited all that money and property, so she started sending me money. I let her know, I didn't want his money. If she wanted to ease her conscious, tell my children truth.