As I am still fighting those demons when it comes to relating with humans, I am writing the same story just warmed up. So nothing interesting or new here. So, where is the progress? I have been asking myself....still working, still trying to go against patterns and still realizing those inner conflicts.
I find human interaction somewhat puzzling and difficult to deal with. I prefer logic and objectivity most of the time, and I tend to rationalize when someone reacts in a certain way. This comes off as less empathic, which I am not. Smalltalk is a hard thing to do, and I dont react to all kinds of phrases like, “I love you or “its so nice to meet you“ as it comes off as unauthentic most of the time. I once got odd looks, when someone overly showed off how much he liked being in that place, when I asked why? I know people say these social phrases to melt in easily, I just dont understand that at times. Its not about devaluation, I just wanted to know.
If I meet new people, I do interact, but I tend to over analyze and come across less emotional. Which is why I have been dreaming of living in a library with books, rather than people. I know I also tend to behave in a certain way, due to insecurity, thinking that a android type of a behaviour makes me invulnerable.
How do you communicate with others? Do you open up with time? It depends on where you are, with what kind of people you deal with. Do you study people for a while, and then decide? Do you easily get close to others?
When I see people interacting around with each other, carefree I do feel hurt for not being able to get along with someone. But, it doesnt need to be this way, I know its a process. And then again, there is this strong urge to isolate myself as I feel this sudden boredom when I am sorrounding myself with them. I then prefer to come back to my apartment, read and listen to music. I need that to calm my mind.
Shankara
I find human interaction somewhat puzzling and difficult to deal with. I prefer logic and objectivity most of the time, and I tend to rationalize when someone reacts in a certain way. This comes off as less empathic, which I am not. Smalltalk is a hard thing to do, and I dont react to all kinds of phrases like, “I love you or “its so nice to meet you“ as it comes off as unauthentic most of the time. I once got odd looks, when someone overly showed off how much he liked being in that place, when I asked why? I know people say these social phrases to melt in easily, I just dont understand that at times. Its not about devaluation, I just wanted to know.
If I meet new people, I do interact, but I tend to over analyze and come across less emotional. Which is why I have been dreaming of living in a library with books, rather than people. I know I also tend to behave in a certain way, due to insecurity, thinking that a android type of a behaviour makes me invulnerable.
How do you communicate with others? Do you open up with time? It depends on where you are, with what kind of people you deal with. Do you study people for a while, and then decide? Do you easily get close to others?
When I see people interacting around with each other, carefree I do feel hurt for not being able to get along with someone. But, it doesnt need to be this way, I know its a process. And then again, there is this strong urge to isolate myself as I feel this sudden boredom when I am sorrounding myself with them. I then prefer to come back to my apartment, read and listen to music. I need that to calm my mind.
Shankara
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