Co Dependent Relationship

[scout86]

It sounds to me like you're lucky you have each other. Everyone should be so blessed. And I'll bet she grows up into a confident loving person. You said she's your youngest. Don't forget that they are all special in their own ways.

 

[Virtues]

It sounds to me like you're lucky you have each other. Everyone should be so blessed. And I'll bet she g...

Yes, I have 2 others a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old this hasn't been easy on any of them (my wife either). I have been blessed with a family that has stuck by me.

 

[shimmerz]

How anyone can describe a relationship between a parent and child, where the child is clearly disabled, as co-dependent???? That's f* up imo. Idiots.

Keep doing what you are doing Dad.

 

[Powder]

I deeply believe that children often see and understand the world and other people with as much or greater clarity than most adults. It is only important that they not feel the weight of the world on their young shoulders.

I do worry about my oldest who I think tries sometimes to pick me up in her way. I have let her know that her dad and I have my PTSD and our lives in hand as much as possible, and that her concern is deeply appreciated. But this has helped her to see that she is not responsible to make it all better. It is what it is, and her taking good care of herself is most important.

I have noticed that my love and concern for my children is the best anti-depressant and reason for living most of the time. I haven't felt suicidal since my 1st was born. When I'm in the throws of a flashback, my youngest toddling in can put me back into "mom" mode and help me remember what is truly real and important to me. This is not codependent in this case. It's just love.

"Codependent" has been used to describe anything someone doesn't understand or approve of despite their master's degree.

 

[Mytime]

I believe codependent is someone or couples who depend on someone else to make them feel happy. They take on the others persons feelings. In couples they become almost one person. There is no self. Your daughter could be energy sensitive. She could be picking up on your energy. I'm that way and so are my kids. They have great empathy, are loving and kind. The best things about kids is there not jaded like us. They see the world differently then we do. And that's how it should be, they need their own experience not ours. So hug her and share her positive energy, because that's her gift you

 

[Kintsugi]

This is such an interesting thread.

My mother was very dependent on me. Not in the way of an alcoholic/addicted/completely non-functional parent who needs their child to completely care for them, but she certainly seemed to veiw me (and use me) as some sort of extension to or accessory of herself. It's sort of hard to describe, but she essentially expected me to handle my older brother and take care of myself at a very young age in addition to managing her emotions and stress when she was overwhelmed.

Anyway, I can tell you that from a very young age (around your daughter's, probably), I also learned my mother's cues when it came to her becoming over taxed. And I did not cling. I hid. I compensated by attempting to do more practical stuff that might prevent her from escalating. But I certainly had no desire or instinct to touch her. Or be near her.

I think you're probably doing just fine.