Hello everyone I am new here,
I am unsure whether my attraction towards bbw is part of my attraction,
I tend to be attracted towards bdsm dynamics, the problem is that I genuinely tend to be attracted towards mean women, obviously phisycal attraction is supposed to be there hence (bbw), but,
Also i realised that there is a pattern,
In real life the attraction is less strong, in fact almost over time has faded as I realised that bbw are same as other women if not they have less healthy bodies because they carry more body fat,
but in online (pornography) everything seems much more compelling, maybe because we don't see imperfections but only highly curated content, that makes it more unrealistic.
The most difficult component over time is that I struggle a lot with imagination and riding these urges, emotionally unavailable women turn me on, especially when I have to put my needs below theirs hence self erasure of who I am to please them, this pattern seems connected with the bdsm dynamic in fact when I feel healthy and whole I am like why would I even do this? This is stupid, but the desire is there and don't know if it will ever go away,
I have tried to manage this fairly well, I don't engage in pornography mostly only once a few months
I have never done anything harmful/action wise, these are desires in my head but every here and then I relapse with pornography and also it takes me several days after enaging with this type of content to recover from shame and putting myself together, because of the feeling of guillt and self betrayal I feel for having done such a thing, when people say, 'sell your sould to the devil' I think that what it really means
I also don't think, when I am whole of bdsm or of a foot fetish in a sexual way, only at times I have these urges when I am stressed or sometimes I don't even know they come out of nowhere
I would really appreciate if any of you had experiences like this, and what has helped you
I am unsure whether my attraction towards bbw is part of my attraction,
I tend to be attracted towards bdsm dynamics, the problem is that I genuinely tend to be attracted towards mean women, obviously phisycal attraction is supposed to be there hence (bbw), but,
Also i realised that there is a pattern,
In real life the attraction is less strong, in fact almost over time has faded as I realised that bbw are same as other women if not they have less healthy bodies because they carry more body fat,
but in online (pornography) everything seems much more compelling, maybe because we don't see imperfections but only highly curated content, that makes it more unrealistic.
The most difficult component over time is that I struggle a lot with imagination and riding these urges, emotionally unavailable women turn me on, especially when I have to put my needs below theirs hence self erasure of who I am to please them, this pattern seems connected with the bdsm dynamic in fact when I feel healthy and whole I am like why would I even do this? This is stupid, but the desire is there and don't know if it will ever go away,
I have tried to manage this fairly well, I don't engage in pornography mostly only once a few months
I have never done anything harmful/action wise, these are desires in my head but every here and then I relapse with pornography and also it takes me several days after enaging with this type of content to recover from shame and putting myself together, because of the feeling of guillt and self betrayal I feel for having done such a thing, when people say, 'sell your sould to the devil' I think that what it really means
I also don't think, when I am whole of bdsm or of a foot fetish in a sexual way, only at times I have these urges when I am stressed or sometimes I don't even know they come out of nowhere
I would really appreciate if any of you had experiences like this, and what has helped you
