Coils Unwinding

[Nighthawk]

I really don't know where to begin. Once again I am feeling lost and alone. I asked questions I shouldn't have and I got answers I don't know how to comprehend. I feel as though I am a boiling kettle and I can't let out the steam I am going to blow. Who am I? What am I? Why did you take the happy child and replace her with this? I have thought I had been strong all my life. I have held you close do I really want to know what you are? It is like my coil is unwinding and I can't stop it. Just a few days of peace in between the layers.

Nighthawlk

 

[intothelight]

Hi NH,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling right now. Whether you realize it right now or not, you are a wonderful person and the "happy" child is still there. You will get better and be a happy adult, it just takes time.

Here is a (((hug))).

Thinking of you.

ITL

 

[James B.]

Glad you're writing and getting this stuff out Nighthawlk. And like ITL, sorry to hear your struggling right now. Sometimes this stuff feels overwhelming. Please remember you are a special person, and also please do everything you can to take good care of yourself everyday. It can be hard with these feelings, I know.

 

[Nighthawk]

I have come to realize that this should have been posted under panic attack. I believe I was out to lunch as the saying would go. I have come to terms that I am nuts and there may really be no help for me. I figured out that T may actually be a massive trigger right now. I am not sure if I should stop or go more often. I am going to try and be better about posting and responding to posts. I am going to try not to be my own worst enemy (don't think that will work) I am going to try stop hitting myself. I am going to try to hide my pain from my daughter better. I am going try to stop venting to the forum. The point is I am going to try.

Nighthawlk

 

[Jade-]

But if you stop venting to the forum, I will feel guilty when I do it. You have to agree that venting and getting responses really helps, doesn't it? That's all that really matters. We are all here to help each other.

Therapy probably is a trigger, but they say it gets better. I have wanted to stop going many times, but I know I need to keep going if I want to get better.

Good luck at trying to not be your own worst enemy....I think we are all guilty of that. But as long as we acknowledge that fact, maybe we can work on changing it.

 

[cherryblossom]

I have come to terms that I am nuts and there may really be no help for me.

That is not true. You are not nuts (what is nuts, and what is 'normal' anyway?). And you certainly shouldn't give up on yourself. Sometimes we just have to find the 'right' help. And we think all sorts of negative stuff until that time. But ... if you keep looking and you keep fighting, then the right help will come your way.

 

[Artista]

How many times have I hit the wall feeling this way? Many. I have come to wonder if the child inside me (who never got to really feel the loss and pain she buried) has finally trusted me with this... without going there I'll never honor her or heal. Sucks. No question. I had huge breakthrough when I heard a song play and started to cry realizing it was her singing to me and the song (3 Doors Down, Let Me Be Myself) was all about getting lost and perfect for my situation in how I lost me. I would let her down to not try my best to heal this. Finally. Face it, as I must. Every way... some way... however i can. I have this theory, a saying i have now put on my wall... "You are never really lost if you keep searching."

I hope you DO get peaceful moments in between. Respite from the battles during this war. I wish you all the best. Energy and power for you to be what you can.... the potential is there for us all.

 

[AvoidanceRulez]

I really don't know where to begin. Once again I am feeling lost and alone. I asked questions I shouldn't have and I got answers I don't know how to comprehend. I feel as though I am a boiling kettle and I can't let out the steam I am going to blow. Who am I? What am I? Why did you take the happy child and replace her with this? I have thought I had been strong all my life. I have held you close do I really want to know what you are? It is like my coil is unwinding and I can't stop it. Just a few days of peace in between the layers.

Nighthawlk

Dont say you're nuts--you're putting yourself down, that isnt good. I agree with jade..sometimes u can be your own worst enemy. I know I have been for years and am trying to change that
My favorite saying: that which does not kill me makes me stronger...funnily, the american psychology association agrees with that..so long as there is recovery periods after each trial

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I think there is something really important to remember when you feel like you're 'going nuts'.

You're not at all actually. In some strange ironic way your reaction makes you sane.

That is what PTSD is - 'a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances'. What happened to you is what is outside the normal realm of human experience. You're normal - so is your reaction. That said, if you ever feel it's a little too much - there are so many support systems. Don't be afraid to call someone for fear of judgment.

 

[Nighthawk]

It amazes me when I read back on this thread were my head was. I am sure I will unfortunately travel the path again. I am feeling so much stronger than I did just a month ago. I really hope I can hold on and not drop all the pieces again. Picking them up one by one and always loosing a few is really hard. One day at a time I guess.

Thanks
NH

 

[anthony]

It amazes me when I read back on this thread were my head was.

Use these magic moments of realism to help you in the future with down cycles.... being you know you go down, but will come up. So you must remember the reality of PTSD and apply it to help yourself come out of the depressive stages. When something goes wrong, you need to quickly draw on all your past positives to reassure you that you will come good again.

As you get better and further within the healing process.... you tend to just instinctively use your past positives to quickly bring you out... experience adds up to help with PTSD.