Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Thank you, both :hug:

At least, when no one asks me direct questions and I'm not focusing on it, I can behave like myself. Usually the only intrusive thing is the Fungus. But as a teenager there was a part of me that wasn't aging, but wasn't it's own person exactly. I think that's what the rest is like. I will be happy to recover from it. I'm usually more comfortable in my skin (it's not usually too itchy) so that's good :happy:

 

[littleoc]

Oh, also I applied to a grad school today. A creative writing thing, highest degree possible :) :)

They wished me luck on obtaining a PhD in biology as well. Seems like a balanced mix of degrees to me, but will take a few years

Why don't we get cool degrees for overcoming PTSD symptoms? We become PTSD experts along the way, don't we? And it's just as hard as getting a degree or getting into that big dream job. We should at least get certificates

I'm going to get a plaque that says I mastered cPTSD

 

[somerandomguy]

Oh, also I applied to a grad school today. A creative writing thing, highest degree possible :) :)

Omg, you would do fabulously!! Good luck!!!!

 

[littleoc]

Thank you!! :D

 

[Swift]

You're doing brilliantly, mate.
Keep on keeping on, with service dog kisses and cuddles.

 

[Freida]

grad school!!! yes!!!! yea!!!!:):):):hug::hug::hug:

 

[ladee]

And the miracles continue !!!! Proud doesn't cover it, so a big loud Texas YEEEE HAAAA will have to do... throwing confetti and dancing with you.... you got this...!!!!!:D:inlove::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[littleoc]

:) :) :) :)

 

[littleoc]

I accepted a ride from a stranger today. She seems really cool, maybe we'll become friends!

She introduced herself and i gave her my real name. No hesitation. Nice.

She knows where I'll be working this summer, so maybe she'll visit. It felt to me that she's a retired alumnus from this university, but she wasn't that old. Maybe late sixties or early seventies. Maybe we could go for a hike sometime and have lunch.

But anyway, getting ahead of myself. I'm happy that I felt I could trust a stranger. She liked my pupper. She gave me a ride after I bought a blender and crockpot from her friend's yardsale, and she didn't want me trying to carry them the full mile or so back to the sorority house. :)

I also did not freak out today when a police officer/facilities management officer (I couldn't see him well, I only saw a uniform and heard his walkie-talkie) came in while I was in PJs to ask about if the power was out here.


Also also, I have been able to eat again! I am eating nutritional things but also enjoying a bit of sugar. I'm afraid of starving so maybe I'm subconsciously building a reserve?


I'm also working on buying impulsively. I've been told that my impulse control is good, especially for someone with a mild TBI (I think it counts as mild, 99% positive). It might be the hoarder in me? I think the crockpot and blender are not bad purchases though. Especially for $16 together! (I'm very proud of my negotiating skills, though I still don't want to accidentally offend people.)

I did refrain from purchasing a PlayStation 3 too quickly. I want certain games that that console can play. But I would also need to buy a small flatscreen TV and those are not THE cheapest (though not TOO expensive either, especially if I want a used one) but the games are VERY expensive. And I need a car.

But I have wanted this PS3 thing since it first came out. I've only ever had a Nintendo toaster thing -- though luckily that has a lot of games, including Mario. We had the original GameBoy with Mario Land and I miss those two.

My twin brother gifted the Nintendo to my little brother though? Which upsets me because it wasn't his to gift. Hm

 

[LuckiLee]

Grad school? Girl, you amaze me. Everyday! Take care, Honey.

 

[Freida]

you are doing fabulously!!!!

 

[littleoc]

My abuser started with emotional abuse. She called me the abuser, which I've since learned is a common abuse tactic. She also started to control my life. I walked around on eggshells - the classic description - and had to read her mind to anticipate all of her needs in advance. If I had my own wants or desires or guessed wrong about what she wanted, the result would be further emotional abuse designed to destroy any self-esteem I had. It worked.

This sounds exactly like Brandi

Except I viewed her as innocent and a victim to my abuse...

And I think she genuinely believed that.

How could that be, if I was 14 and she was 14? Or did it start going sour later than that?

In any case, it happened before we were 18, and ended when I was 22. So I'm apprehensive at calling her an abuser... but...

Probably shouldn't write a long post at 5am when I have a headache, lol