Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[ILoveLife]

Lol :) Nestle is awesome.

(have I said this?) :P

 

[Freida]

That is hilarious!!!!! :laugh: what a good girl!!

 

[littleoc]

You get used to not remembering. It becomes less of a problem, more of a relief sometimes. I have years worth of blackouts.
If you ask me about 2013? I know I was psychotic but have no memory of it.
How about when I was 9, 10 and 11? 2 memories to pass me by.
16? Probabaly drunk everyday, but other than that? Nuthin'.

It's fine though, if it's meant to come back it will.

Your philosophy blows my mind

I’ve been thinking all day about how I wish I could forget things. My doctor says I don’t quite have a problem with this because PTSD is the bigger devil, but I was diagnosed with hyperthymsia with the major symptom being that I spend way too much time organizing my memories, but also rarely didn’t remember stuff

It’s also really frustrating because I remember things about my childhood that my mom, my siblings, and others can’t clarify. Also I hear the same stories over and over and over and people think it’s creepy when I remember them. I had an employer tell me to try to pretend I don’t remember things because I was “making coworkers insecure”

It got super exercised with the whole Fungus thing. Brandi quizzing me constantly. I was able to change the story up once or twice when she wanted, and while I think she intentionally overlooked it for the sake of living in the world that was updated with the latest facts, I was constantly surprised that she just wouldn’t remember things.

But it’s been really frustrating. There are several things I’d like to not forget but would like to be out of my mind? Hard to work. Things like my dog Baby running away thinking she was abandoned and exactly how it felt. Remembering friends from kindergarten and how I paired boys in my head in pairs based on their hair styles.

Honestly, the only times I can’t remember well were head injuries. The amnesia during the time I helped someone break into my own theater lol. My memory is less exact after that for a bit but I still remember everything way too well. Doc says it was part of why I developed PTSD.

She also said I should maybe tone down the constant studying before I make my brain explode with info. It hasn’t happened yet.

Pretty useful for many types of tests though. It takes slightly more studying now than it did before, and my eyesight is permanently strained from the final head injury.

I mostly find myself pretending to people I know in real life that I don’t remember so much, because it makes things weird. I also pretend I’m not paying attention, which worked really well when I didn’t have a dog nudging me every quarter hour




Anyway. Didn’t want to take over Freida’s diary for my stuff. Or Sietz. It just really really blew my mind that forgetting is fine and necessary. Doctors have told me the necessary part, I suppose it doesn’t matter if I physically can’t help it

I also really love that i have the good memory but still can’t remember a single face lol

</daily rant>

 

[ILoveLife]

I know things from papertrail, or better yet, digital fingerprints. I know what happened, but I don't have clear memories of it.
From 2013 I remember sitting on a sidewalk looking at people thinking nobody really exists.
When I was 16 I remembered the 2nd rape recently.
From those 3 years in China I know things because I was told things, not because I have memories of them. I do remember eating lots of beans, but I could have been told that too.

It's frustrating only when I try to remember them, most of the time I'm not thinking about it. So I figured, why bother to think about things I have no memory of? Just to drive myself bonkers with it.

On another hand, I remember way too much from other years. From 2004 to 2011 I remember everything that happened for example.

 

[littleoc]

When did you move to Portugal? Do you remember that?

Is remembering 2004-2011 good or bad of neutral for you?

No need to answer!! Just curious







(I still don’t know what happened to my newt)

 

[ILoveLife]

I moved in the summer of 98, I remember the plane ride - all my friends were there, we were all coming for vacation/moving here, the flight attendants were going nuts - we basically ruined the 22 hour plane trip for everyone involved. :P Then I remember being in Lisbon getting stung by bees and it's all pretty much a blank until a few years later.

Remembering 2004 - 2011 it's sort of bad, sort of neutral right now. It's the L and R years.

 

[ILoveLife]

(I still don’t know what happened to my newt)

:(

 

[Freida]

I know things from papertrail, or better yet, digital fingerprints. I know what happened, but I don't have clear memories of it.

This is me too. I can look at photos or records and get an idea of where I was and what I was doing -- then that can start to get the memories back. Usually like a big all of yard I have to untangle

 

[littleoc]

That is so interesting

 

[littleoc]

_____
I slept for ten hours

I should go to bed earlier

Nestle has completely stopped bothering to wake me up when she has to pee. She held it for fourteen hours without a word. I need to find out what’s up with this and teach her to say something.... not sure why she stopped, that’s weird

 

[littleoc]

My bird’s poos look more normal today, so that’s awesome possum

She is back to normal-ish sized once every half hour. One was brown and the other was green. I am hoping maybe the green was from some millet I gave her. I am hoping she gains her weight back ASAP and stops lookin so droopy

She said she was cold so we turned the heat up for her. It’s only 12 degrees C so normally we probably wouldn’t have, but her heated perch is in the other room at the moment so it seemed best rather than relying on usual warm methods :)

 

[LuckiLee]

You're such a good momma! They're so lucky to have you. :)