Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

It’s actually parts of why I have reservations about moving out. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but my mom feels so guilty about the past that she goes out of her way to help all four of her kids. She rented a car for my twin brother after his accident despite not being able to afford it. She buys me food and doesn’t expect me to pay for it. She’s tricked waitresses into using her card instead of mine in restaurants (in funny ways). She lets me live with her and never really expects anything except for the basics (as in that I try not be be loud at 3am — although she would if it was my little brother, who used to play loud brass instruments outside her living room at night when she used to sleep on the couch because she wanted her children to have bedrooms)

I agree, it’s sad as crap

My mom did her best, and I really, REALLY wish she had gotten therapy after she got out, because she did neglect us after my dad was out. She couldn’t handle shit. We had no rules after he was gone. It was a free-for-all and it did not end well — my little brother wouldn’t have nearly died if she’d listened to me and believed a teenager could be right about such things

But I doubt anyone could be faultless after such a power vacuum happened, so it is what it is

It was very hard. It’s been weird to be angry about it but I’m glad I have a space for it. I do wish I could forget, but my brain is convinced that every memory is very very important — even me eating a ham, cheese, and mayonnaise sandwich with BBQ chips at the age of 2 1/2 :P

 

[littleoc]

@somerandomguy by the way, I keep missing you in chat, but I was wondering if your cat was gonna run for senate seat because my options in my state are questionable so I wanna make sure someone cancels out whoever gets in!

I have no idea if you remember that conversation at this point though, lol

Cats make great politicians tho



....did you know there’s a parasite that makes mammals really like cats? It targets mice and makes them more likely to get eaten by cats. Research says humans can get infected, and might (not well supported, so take with a spoon of salt (ew)) end up more likely to go reckless things!

Like adopt a cat, very reckless lol

 

[ILoveLife]

One thing my old T said and she was right is we can't reward parents for being good parents, because that's their job. We can't compare one shitty parent to another sort-of-adequate one and say the sort-of-adequate one is great because they're not the shitty one, you know?

I'm trying not to project here, but it seems you're still making a lot of excuses for her.
Like, I'm not saying she's abusive, but I'm glad you realize she isn't adequate either.

Regarding doing things for her children, I wonder if guilt is a good propellor for being an adequate parent.

I mean, it is possible to see reality and be there for her and have a good relationship with her and admit she isn't adequate.
Because none of these things are mutually exclusive.

Just a thought.

 

[littleoc]

I agree

I don’t think any adult I turned to as a teenager was adequate

But she does seem to want happiness to go around

Although I like my views of the world WAY better

 

[littleoc]

Oh! I found out that two-year-olds are very annoying! Shocker!

But having my nephew sit still on my lap and hold my hand for a milisecond was really great :)

I think kids should hold still

 

[ILoveLife]

Lol yeah, I like your views better too.

 

[somerandomguy]

Toxoplasmosis!! The jury's still out on how much of an effect it actually has on humans. Doing a study on people is difficult.

Sadly, Ferdinand does not live in your state so is disqualified from running for Senate. He'd undoubtedly be better than either of your options, though.

 

[littleoc]

Super Ferdinand!!!

Yeah, that’s what it’s called!!! I couldn’t remember the name, lol

 

[somerandomguy]

You're great, @littleoc. I just wanted to say that because it's true. You're really a great person.

 

[littleoc]

No, you are! :D

But thanks! :)

 

[littleoc]

Aw. My mom’s dad died this morning

Alzheimer’s :(

He might have lived longer, but he had liver cancer and the tumor was the size of a grapefruit. Surgeons told him an April ago that he had a choice — keep the tumor and die within months of liver failure (or a number of other complications if the cancer spread), or risk surgery but know that waking up would cause his Alzheimer’s to progress very quickly

Well it progressed by years overnight and he couldn’t even hold a conversation. My mom was unable to visit him before he died

What sucks worse is that my mom’s traffic school is tonight. You cant miss those without severe consequences, so....

 

[littleoc]

He was an abusive asshat but he tried to be a better person later in life — without expecting to be forgiven. A good guy by the time I met him (minus the racism) and it’s too bad we never could see him again

He doesn’t want a funeral either, so no service