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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

The weather was nice today so I tried eating outside. A BUNCH of kids were all on the yard of the pedophile’s house and I ended up going back in and then went back out because inside the house was worse. Took Slinky outside on a leash. Okay distraction.
 
The hug helps a lot actually. Also you’ve given some good advice, no worries

I mostly need to get out of this funk so I can go back to planning.

Joeylittle talking about how sometimes your only limit is you and your fear — really describes my problems right now, I think. I just really hate it here and don’t want my mom to know but am still so angry that she’d rather live like this and make me live like this than get help even though it was literally handed to her. I think she just didn’t want to use my money.

Don’t even understand why she’s poor though. She gave me her financial information for the food stamp thing, she barely has bills. Rent is $300 a month. She must have been spending all of it on eating out or something. No savings at all. None of my business tho, but it is my business that she won’t f*cking get food stamps and the the state told me I can’t. It’s like if anything becomes her responsibility, it’s ruined. Unless it’s her work I guess. She humiliated me several times when I got in the way of work. Don’t want to think about that while I’m already down though.
 
Ok, you are having to put up with way more than you should. I think you deserve a gold medal for keeping your head while you are living in a triggering situation. You have to do what's right for you. So when you apply for food stamps, you tell them that you don't share meals. You can do this. My mother was head of the legal dept of the Welfare Board, and she told my friend to do that. Not that that gives anyone permission, but there it is. That way you can get food stamps. Do the same thing while applying for section 8 housing. Tell them you pay her to live there. I think you would be so much happier out of there. She made the mess, let her deal with it.

My childhood best friend's mother was a hoarder before that became a word. Her mother was also sick, so my friend would come to live with us while she was in the hospital. My mother offered to foster her many times, but she always refused. I don't know why, but that was probably best for her. I know it is hard for you. I really do. I hope you get some relief somehow.
 
Praying for you sweet @littleoc! I just know something positive and life changing is right around the corner for you.

You have to talk to anyone who will listen. Network!!

Go to a DV shelter they are a great resource for information. Department of Human Services. Good Will. St. Vincent DePaul. Employment office. Your local hospital. The Police department. (You won't even have to explain, just ask if they can point you in the right direction, @Freida will know what to ask.) Move in with Grandma and Grandpa or brother for a few months. Look in your local area for rooms to rent. YWCA. Email your old professors and ask if they know of any employment opportunities in your field...

Somehow, we are going to come up with something that is going to work. You have to get away from there. I know you know that and you're trying as hard as humanly possible. That's how I know something is going to change.

You are loved!! Alot!! XO
 
Code informcement is not my best bet.

I just got kicked out of a donation center for having a service dog. It was my only chance at income.
 
That’s true.

You can’t “catch” PTSD though. Idiots.

Came out to some people seemingly messing with my car. Ran up to chance them off, they didn’t go — realized they were exchanging food. The pregnant lady was homeless. Gave her a hug, bought her some juice and some water and gave her a bunch of mints. She’s epileptic and has no access to her meds, really needs the sugar. She did have a service dog, but he died in a house fire. She’s on a waiting list for housing.

At least I’m not pregnant, homeless, and terrified of having a seizure.

The second donation place was a lot nicer to me. Didn’t work out, though, but at least they didn’t turn at screen at me and say “you can’t have THIS.” Noticed on the news that they discriminate against all mental illnesses and claim it is legal. Anyone “caught” needing a dog isn’t eligible for anything. Not sure how to report that. Guess I’ll research it later.

Anyway, I lost money instead of gaining it, but I’m glad I lost it because that lady really needed it. I can’t believe my state would allow a pregnant woman to leave the hospital to wander the streets. So dangerous. It’s tornado-y weather today and I wish I could get her a hotel room.
 

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