Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

The sub rabbi handed me a book to read from. It was the triggering passage but it was less triggering without the discussion and with me reading it (not able to think about association as much). Couldn’t hardly see it, though.

They told me I did great. I’m worried they knew what was wrong.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

My mom waited until today to tell me that there’s no money for bills.

Could today get any worse, honestly?

I don’t even want to go into what happened to my brother.

 

[littleoc]

I don’t want to be alive. It doesn’t seem worth it right now. I put our cat in a cage because he smells like a dead body and has a tiny hole in his head. He’s fine but I need to get him care with the last of my gas money I guess. Who even knows. I’m not even sure if I could call my grandma for help. I’m so confused and conflicted about EVERYTHING and it would help if I hadn’t been awake for more than a day or so and maybe felt comfortable eating food, I don’t know. I’m starving and unsure I’ll even sleep. Of course she had to tell me that today.

 

[bellbird]

Hey, @littleoc . Here with you and listening. Thanks for letting us know how you're feeling.

Please call your grandma, or go to the ED if you feel that you need to.

We'll figure out a way through this, but the priority right now is that you're safe and it sounds like you could really do with some help to ensure that right now.

❤

 

[bellbird]

This world needs you in it, @littleoc .

What plan can we put in place right now to make sure that you stay safe?

 

[bellbird]

Let me know if it would help if I called, but no pressure either way.

I really really care about you, friend.
Don't for one moment believe those thoughts that say life isn't worth it because they're wrong.

Things are really really hard for you right now, I can only imagine what it must be like.
But you have to keep hanging in there. You'll get through this.

Please keep yourself safe.

 

[littleoc]

Ah, don’t worry! I’m staying safe. I’m just so frustrated. I’m sure it’s low blood sugar combined with no sleep in an absurd amount of time, plus all the triggers today. Way too many stresses and triggers than I nornally get.

I’ll handle it one thing at a time. I’m trying to relax so I’m can get ready for bed. But it’s been a hard day and I’m embarrassed about earlier. And I’m hungry. And the cage for the cat only fit in my personal bathroom because my mom’s house is crazy.

It’s a ferret cage but at least it’ll hold him, even though access to my bathroom is now ridiculous and I don’t know yet how long that’ll last.

 

[littleoc]

It’s Xavier the mouser. He sucked at being an indoor cat and likes to mark territory all the time. I think he got into a fight. Luckily he’s had his rabies shot... I don’t know where the paperwork is though. I’ll need that for the vet visit. Hm.

When I have money I’ll buy a safe. That’ll help.

 

[bellbird]

So glad you're safe.

Are you up to date with all your meds?

 

[littleoc]

Technically, yeah. Long story, but I quit taking one, though that was a month ago. It was estrogen and I haven’t had a period since, but it’s hard to know what that means in such a short time.

I’m gonna go take a hot or cold shower. I turned in an assignment for an editing class. I’m finding it slightly funny that I’m trying to edit things when I’m symptomatic, but hey.

 

[bellbird]

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: