Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Marvel545]

I don't comment on your diary lot but I do keep up to date with it, just wanted to say that's amazing, really happy for you!!! :)

 

[Freida]

Well hell --- you made me sniffle happy tears! And you know how I hate to cry!!! :laugh: :hug:

I am so happy and very, very proud of you. Look how far you have come!!!

holy crap this is so amazing

You are taking control of your life and doing a fantastic job!

 

[LuckiLee]

I read this this morning and it made my day. Really proud of you @littleoc.

 

[littleoc]

@Juso I didnt answer you earlier! Like two months ago?
Don’t forget you don’t actually have to read through my entire diary!

I’ve been meaning to say that lol


___

And thank you all for the support :) My mom loves the house. She got to have visitors :)

 

[littleoc]

I ramble when I’m tired. I’m rambling here so I can relax enough to go to sleep :)

I need a doctor. Either my breasts are so big that they are now ruining my arms, or I broke my wrist/tore a tendon, OR that suspicious lump in my armpit is crushing a nerve. Bad timing, if I say so myself! It’s really the least of my worries.

My coworkers are so intimidated by what I deal with daily that they stare at me to gauge my mood before saying hello. LinkedIn articles suggest I talk about home life less. I’m a very positive person, though, but I can see the problem. “Problem.” It’s a little confusing. I think I have some insecurities to work through. They are mostly kids, so most likely they just don’t know how to communicate in this area.

I’m not saying the whole story. By the way. Before y’all tell me my views are unhealthy. It’s five am and I haven’t slept yet, sorry!

I’ve been waking up early in the morning to do a medication routine for my mom. I still am not going to bed at night. I’ve been using internet videos to manage my stress. I haven’t had time to do homework or therapy in two months. I’m now a bit behind in one of those. (One of them you can’t be behind in.)

My friend also told me that most people don’t deal with one thing after another like this. It made me realize that I’ve been holding myself up waiting for the next disaster.

Went and Got a massage.

A good day.

I need to schedule an appointment with my therapist. But I also need to get health insurance because I think this lump — armpit or chest (the boobs, I’m making a joke; I have no lumps in my breasts) — needs to go. But also my bird is still dying. And my dog is now 70 in people years.

No wonder I can’t get any shut eye. I need to get some more assistance.

Maybe I’ll ask that lady on a date. For fun. Doesn’t have to go anywhere. I need a breather. (I’m sure she’ll say no, we have no chemistry.)

 

[littleoc]

Oh, weird news: I’ve received news from a friend that Brandi moved to another state.

The feeling of realizing I have nothing to do with her anymore: amazing

Lovin’ it

Imagine if I had to be Fungus on top of all this! I’d probably be in a hospital myself!

Also also Scottie has given me a lot of validation. Brandi tried to rope him in too. I’ll share the story later. It gave me chills. It really WASNT my fault.

 

[littleoc]

You all made me so happy, by the way :)

 

[bellbird]

So happy about Brandi moving state!!!
So happy for the validation from Scottie!!!

More assistance sounds like a really great idea :)
What steps can we think of, towards making that become a reality? :)

My friend also told me that most people don’t deal with one thing after another like this.

Your friend is right.
Most people don't deal with this much in a lifetime, and yet you face each day with more bravery, strength and kindness towards others than I can even fathom.

You're like sunshine in a human-sized body.
And yes, even when things are hard.. even when you find yourself needing assistance, you are still sunshine.

Hope you get some rest soon ❤

 

[littleoc]

So happy about Brandi moving state!!!

sAME!!

Now I just need my dad to move back to... uh, whereever no one has to deal with him? lol

I’ll answer the rest later ??????

Right back at you tho

 

[littleoc]

More assistance sounds like a really great idea :)
What steps can we think of, towards making that become a reality? :)

I’ve been thinking about this!

I can contact the synagogue for assistance with bills.

(By the way, do y’all find it kind of funny that I was saving to move out and now I have bills anyway? Lol. It’s a lot less than I would have if I’d have moved out though.)

My neighbors told me they’re here for me (except for the weird sexist dudes next door; they reminded me that women struggle when trying to manage housing alone. (Which isn’t even true for them! The few times their wives left them, they couldn’t handle themselves and asked me to come over and do their dishes and others chores... I wish they’d move away. Lol.). I can ask them for help.

I asked my sister to bring my mom to her appointments so that I could bring my bird to hers. It worked. Vet says Dove could live another seven years if I’m careful :)

Uuuuuh. I could probably get more food stamp benefits since I have a dependent now.

I am going to hire a professional to help with my taxes for this year so I maybe won’t get audited. Since I’m adding a dependent but don’t want to take on her debts. I don’t trust myself to get that right by myself.

I was thinking about hiring someone to finish cleaning the shower for me? I should probably not do that right now though.

I should probably see a doctor about all these infections I have — I think the stress of the past month is finally getting to me. Pinched nerves, ulnar tunnel syndrome, headaches, pierced ear suddenly infected after eight years of having it, etc. Sometimes life’s like that, I guess.

I am driving my mom’s car now because my car somehow is burning coolant? Poor thing! Lucky my mom has a nice car, though I did just have to pay 120$ to get it’s maintenance back on track. Not bad though. Better than $400.

Now I’m just rambling again, lol. I’m behind on homework and stressed about it but trying to sleep so I can take my mom to see her brother tomorrow. He’s visiting from Canada — he drove a long way to visit! He claims 11 hours, but it’s more than 1000 miles (1609ish km) away so I imagine he didn’t do that in a single day?

 

[littleoc]

Oh, also my twin brother had his baby. So that’s neat.

They’re anti-vax and anti-anything-not-wildly-strictly-Christian. For example, they’ve banned Easter and Halloween because those used to be Pagan holidays.

This is gonna sound terrible but I’m glad they moved to another state. I used to be close to my twin but now I’m realizing how much of an ass he’s been so I’m liking the distance.

Also, pagan holidays aren’t sins, lol

 

[littleoc]

Blessings to their child though. I hope he makes it to adulthood mostly okay and then we can connect, maybe :) That would be so neat