Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

We blocked it off one the side that was making me the most afraid and now I can go back to ignoring it. Which I am very good at. The wooden fence downstairs is linked and you can see into the mini-place, except it’s too dark to see anything without a light. I showed it to Scottie and he didn’t react much — which is in character and made me feel better about how weird I was acting! That plus a fear of pipes PLUS trauma-induced claustrophobia made me too afraid to go into the space. And then I didn’t want to celebrate it when I did to go grab a washing machine motor because it felt weird to do so.

So, the least scary part was cleaned. I can go back to ignoring it, but now my brain is pretty sure we Must go back and get rid of it because now, when I’m upstairs, I can feel it being a black blot in the fabric of this house.

I may attach a picture but I’m sort of afraid of cursing y’all, lol. My thought is that if I share it, y’all will tell me it isn’t bad anymore? I have to get the nerve to go get the picture, which I believe I could do with a two-day notice.

 

[littleoc]

Also I’ll explain this later, but I managed to assertively say no to being with a stranger intimately after she confessed her undying love for me. I’m pretty proud. I feel I’ve been a bit brainwashed to just provide sex to people. I don’t even think about it. But I said no because I felt she’d get hurt. I’ll explain later, probably. I should relax and go to sleep.

I’ve been up maxing gardening with another character. A cat! Lol

 

[littleoc]

I don’t even think about it.

Uh, to be clear, this doesn’t happen often. I just really don’t know how to say no.

I’ve learned how to say no to men though. Not that I’ve had a significant problem with that. :)

This topic makes me uncomfortable so I get unclear. I’m okay though!

 

[littleoc]

I told my therapist about how I was able to say no to that lady I hung out with — and she was very excited! She says it’s impressive that I was able to apply what I learned so quickly after we discussed it. So now I’m more excited about it :D

 

[DharmaGirl]

I understand how exciting that can be. I used to have no boundaries, now I practice them all the time. Kudos to you!

 

[Freida]

I managed to assertively say no to being with a stranger intimately after she confessed her undying love for me. I’m pretty proud. I feel I’ve been a bit brainwashed to just provide sex to people.

Very proud!!!!!!!!!!

 

[littleoc]

I saw something gorey happen like two nights ago and my brain is STILL asking me to go back and look. Probably go reconcile something that can’t be reconciled with ?‍ I wish it would stop though.

I did call the nonemergency police to move it and they probably have, but probably not too far? Man I’m tired.

 

[littleoc]

Okay... well I spent the last three days telling myself that just because I saw it doesn’t mean it was gonna happen to a human. Not necessarily a bad omen. That’s the OCD talking.

Well. Guess what. ?

Anyway. Happy Chanukah regardless :) Got to see my little brother! He’s taking a medical leave to focus on therapy (unrelated to the first topic here)

 

[littleoc]

My lil bro got to sit at a table for dinner! Still messy af. Functional now, though.

But boy do I hate clutter.

 

[littleoc]

One of my future posts might be pretty gore-y, by the way. I apologize in advance. This ain’t the kind of stuff I can casually bring up to friends. ?‍

Oh, and this lady who’s pushing my boundaries. She continued violating them but this time I was very direct and clear, and she’s now taking me a little too literally? But hey, I reinforced a boundary despite fear I was hurting someone. Still hard work, and I still did it ??

 

[Freida]

But hey, I reinforced a boundary despite fear I was hurting someone. Still hard work, and I still did it ??

So VERY VERY!!! proud of you!!!! :hug:

This ain’t the kind of stuff I can casually bring up to friends. ?‍

you can spill it here -- I think most of us are pretty immune to gore. And I get the not talking to friends stuff. I had my "WTF are you saying" friends and the "no way, gimme more details" friends. I just had to make sure I kept them separate! LOL

 

[somerandomguy]

Wishing you all the best in the world this Chanukah season, @littleoc. ?