• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

Also upset that my first reaction was to text a friend. That was inappropriate.
wellllll.... I would have preferred you call 911 but... this ^^ as a second option isn't inappropriate at all. Sometimes having someone else point out that you need help, or figure out how to get help, is all you need. And a true friend won't care that it's 4 am. Because they care about you much more than they care about a time on a clock.
 
And a true friend won't care that it's 4 am. Because they care about you much more than they care about a time on a clock.
Absolutely this^

But just in case the 4am thing still feels like too much of a barrier, remember that your 4am is my 9pm :hug: I have my phone on silent when I sleep, but my night time awake hours still cover a lot of your early morning ones, so I'm here if you need me, friend ???
 
I told the hospital operator what was happening and she sent my information straight to a nurse who called me back after fifteen minutes. He said my story supports that I had a seizure but there’s no proof — he worded it in a way that was a stressor but he didn’t mean it that way, he meant in a “investigating the brain” way. He told me to get plenty of rest, don’t drive, and I dont need to call 911 or get a hospital visit at this point because there’s not much they can do. However, if it (the fog I’m feeling) doesn’t go away in a day or if I get new symptoms or think I’m having multiple seizures, call 911.

I’ve decided not to tell my folks right now. Too much added pressure. Don’t want the attention, dont want anyone overreacting by watching me all worried for hours, don’t feel like going mute if I hear the words, “What are your symptoms?” and don’t feel like being accused of being overdramatic or lying. I’ll ask service dog to tell me if I had a dissociation and if she says yes and I find it too suspicious I’ll get professional assistance.

Doctor is sending a note to my PCP. I haven’t seen her for my gallbladder issues yet, nor my back, nor my uterus, nor my problems trying to go pee, nor my back, nor anything else that’s come up. Because the fin aid person said she couldn’t help unless I had insurance. So this is getting embarrassing. Too many issues at this point. Last time I saw her she said I should be dealing with all this or have to take a bunch of meds at my age. Wait till she sees my beard and figures out I’ve been off estrogen. I hope she’s been better educated about that sort of thing since I talked to her last. I’ve been wearing a binder to flatten my chest and the euphoria I felt at having a flatter chest was nice. Until I realized they were too big so I would either have to stay chubbier to hide them or get them reduced or removed. This is all completely beside the point, I’m just ranting now lol
 
Peabody (one of my two black widows I got on February 19ish of 2019) passed away Sunday night into Monday morning. I assume y'all don't want a ton of details on her organs so I'll keep this very PG. Her body is very clean, except a small part at the end of her backside. Looks to me like she was cleaning herself, and then when I sprayed water into her enclosure she ran at it, had a drink, and promptly passed away. What I found matched this. Her heart, which is supposed to be large but not this large, was taking up nearly half of her body cavity. Spiders do use blood pressure to move their legs, so I imagine when she came out, after eating her nice meal, to have some water, it was just too much on her lil heart. Complications of old age.

She's in a better place.

The common view of heaven claims you'll get whatever your lil soul wants. What would a spider want, besides a place to sit around and rest all day? The idea makes me chuckle a bit.

Spider spirits are said to be very good luck, and master story weavers. Like tiny muses. Black widows are obviously very misunderstood. My pagan neighbor told me quite a bit about them last year, how seeing a black widow spirit is a sign... oh, what did she say? Brain is still slow.
 
I'll get back to y'all. The point of this post is that she passed away of old age. She was mainly afraid of me but was getting used to me being around to give food and water, so she stopped hiding in her heart-shaped log when I walked into the room. I doubt she cared much otherwise. She will be missed.

Lessie is still kickin'
 

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%

Trending content

Featured content

Back
Top Bottom