Thank you everyone. Unfortunately at this time getting professional help is very hard. I have problems holding a job. Recently I lost a job that I liked and was hoping to succeed. Just got another one. I have no health insurance and at this time no income. I do see a psychiatrist monthly, but unfortunately this doctor is not very competent. My best hope is to be able to handle the new job, because the health insurance they provide will allow me to use outpatient services in a psychiatric hospital, I mean both a prescriber and a therapist. I was at the partial hospital program there, they helped me, but…
After I lost my most recent job I spiraled downward, and the meds they prescribed don’t seem to work anymore.
Yes, I’m going through a lot right now, I have a good reason to be very concerned about my family members who live in a war torn country, about my brother who is fighting now, who was severely wounded and will never fully recover.
But I understand that I am not responding to this in a healthy way. Yes, it’s hard to begin every day with scanning the news to see if my city of origin was hit, and if it was to search the victim list and to call and message my loved ones to know if they are okay.
However I have to act to do something to help them. Instead… I am just feeling ashamed of myself because I am not in my country of origin, not with my older brother who was babying me even when I was a young adult. And I am too apathetic to do anything. It makes me hate myself and create a vicious circle.
I know that I can’t go to my country of origin to fight the invaders alongside with my brother. I am already broken after what I have been through what I have seen and done, I know that another war will be my last one because I don’t want more hell to deal with.
But I need to act! And hell, I just want to have a quality of life of an average ordinary person. Nothing more than that.
