Relationship Combat Ptsd Sufferer Wants Another Chance.

[StrongHeart]

Badger, that sounds good. After doing a whole bunch of reading last night, I'm thinking of coming up with a list of behaviors that are not negotiable. I'm in shock that so much came out in myself after this; I was not aware that I have as many issues as I have to deal with now, related to my ex, who was emotionally abusive. I'm still trying to process everything.

 

[Badger]

Alot seems to be said around here about not giving your sufferer a free pass to abuse you. Winter and I dont have that problem, because he isolates rather then becoming angry. You do.

I think combat PTSD might be a whole different thing. This guy was allowed to kill people. He was put in harms way every day. He had to live with the fact that at any time his life could end or worse. That messes with your head. From day one in civilian society we have a set of boundaries that we as citizens are expected to adhere to. In combat, in the military, there's totally different rules. I believe there's a related site for only combat PTSD here on the web. I ran into it while looking for this one. One of the admins here might know the URL.

 

[StrongHeart]

Exactly, Badger. You hit it spot on. Yes, there is a site for combat vets, but it's not that helpful for supporters because they're not allowed to post there so there really isn't any talk specifically on point. It's all from the sufferer's pov.

 

[Barberian]

I'm not an admin, but the combat PTSD site run by Anthony is Link Removed

It's only for current military members or veterans who were in a combat zone AND has PTSD, any country, any branch.

 

[StrongHeart]

Yes, Barberian. I go there occasionally. I don't think it would help me on this, though. I'm so torn inside.

 

[nomedic1]

How is things at home Strongheart.

 

[Bilby]

I was prompted to come here after reading your post in my thread, StrongHeart.

How are you doing? How are things at the moment?

I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult. It is positive however, that he has sought out treatment for himself. Having said that, a few days in hospital isn't anywhere near sufficient for dealing with things. He really needs to commit himself to ongoing treatment, for an indefinite period of time, i.e. to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes. An intensive stay in hospital can be an excellent start, but there has to be ongoing care. Do you think that is something that he is willing to do?

It sounds to me as though you have some things that you need to address yourself, and even though it would be my suggestion that you talk to someone in a professional capacity about being in a relationship with PTSD so that you have some support for yourself, the fact that you have some things that you need to work through makes this even more important. It's really important to ensure that you have the support networks in place for yourself.

I also think that looking at setting boundaries is really important for you. Think about what behaviour/actions you will not accept and how you will respond to those situations, as Badger wisely points out. Honestly, it can prevent a lot of the yucky stuff.

Let us know how you're going?

B x

 

[StrongHeart]

Thanks, Bilby and nomedic. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your concern. It's lonely out here, with people who see things one-dimensionally and couldn't possibly imagine how I could be torn right now.

I talked to him last night; he is still in the hospital and learning a lot about living in the civilian world. He tried a yoga class and really liked it, and the VA is giving him all kinds of avenues to work on his anxiety, including group sessions. The sad thing is that he does not have any support from his family who I believe would rather he just went back overseas. This was the first phone call where he didn't pressure me for another chance. The next time he does, I plan to tell him that any time he pushes, it sends me into a panic. I've had anxiety issues and panic attacks in the past, and I really don't want to go there again.

In the meantime, i got a full night's sleep last night for the first time in I don't know how many weeks. I had a good night, a half a glass of wine (the most I ever have), and I fell asleep reaching out to turn my light off, which was pretty funny. I woke up with the light still on and my arm hanging off the bed. I was that exhausted.

My work is very stressful, and is number one on my list of stressors because my company is on the brink of closing. Paychecks were late last week and we're working hard to save it, but that might not be enough. We won't know for a bunch of months, but being a single mom, that sends me into a panic. I have a little in savings and a good education, but it would be tough.

Thank you for letting me talk this out here. I've already told him that we are friends only now, and I plan to stick to that. I wrote out a list of all the damage that was done to my life last Saturday night. I am still harboring anger from my recent divorce, and I did make an appointment to see a counselor next week. I'm taking things one day at a time, but I'm not looking forward to him getting out of the hospital. I'm hoping he is learning how to give people space, because when his anxiety is triggered, he looks for someone to lean on, and if he doesn't find that, he looks for someone to give him some kind of reaction. I don't want to be that person.

I do have to admit, though, that hearing his voice talking like normal to me yesterday stirred up all kinds of feelings for him. Deep down inside, I do love this man. I sure don't love the ptsd, though, and they go together.