Combat Stress Has Caused Severe Damage

[PookieBear]

Hi,

I have PTSD associated with combat stress. While on a mission, I returned fire to the enemy and nuetralized the immediate threat I faced. It wasn't until after the dust settled, I realized I had shot and killed two young enemy combatants. Their ages were 8 and 10 years old. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to surpress my feelings because, its the Marine's way.

I kept these feelings stowed away for years and didnt give them much thought until, I was informed, by my ex wife, that she and I were going to have a baby. At that time, I started having nightmares and re-lived my tramatic experience almost nightly during her pregnancy. During the pregnancy, my ex wife kept me from being involved with appointments and related activities because I was depressed, sad, and angry. I had severe feelings that someone would come take my child as, I had done to someone else. The nightmares and bad feelings went away shortly after my son was born. But, my anger did not. I ended up divorced and have since, moved on with life. I still see my son but, not as much as I should. I am afraid I will screw up when I'm with him.

A little over a year ago, I started dating Tasia, the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met. I knew when I met her, she was the "one". The "one" I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wish I had met her sooner in my life! Things started off great, talking about marriage, a family, and moving to a warmer climate to search for a life she and I could share of our own. Then drugs interfered with our lives. I became so dependant on drugs that I lost sight of the respect I should have for her. My insecurities and fears caused me to say awful things to her, lose complete control of myself and emotions, and disrespect her in ways I am ashamed to admit.

We recently found out she is pregnant. The nightmares came back and my anger consumed me again. She has moved out because our fighting has made our household an unstable environment for her to be pregnant in. She is waiting for me to get the help I need in order for us to move forward in life together. As it stands, if I don't get the help I need and want, I will lose her and not be involved with raising our child together. I want the help and am not mad at her for making me open my eyes to this. I am no longer drug dependant. I should have done this a long time ago to avoid this with her. Like I said, she is the most amazing person to come into my life. Tasia shows me unconditional love that I never imagined existed. I want this help for me. I know if I get this help for me, our relationship will flourish and I will be the best husband and father to her and our unborn child. I can't believe I hurt her as bad as I have.

From this support group, I am looking for ways to cope with my PTSD and anger. I want to fix me, for me which in turn, will fix us and allow me to be an involved father. Please help? I'm excited to hear responses and methods other members use to deal with their PTSD on a daily basis.​

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome PB.

We are one huge big dysfunctional family from all over the globe. But we do strive to help each other any way we can.

I will shoot straight from the hip.

With regards to your story and you have probably been told this a million times, but they were 'COMBATANTS'. and even though they were 8 and 10, if they had the chance they would have dusted you and you would not be here talking to us. Its no consolation I know and seeing dead children on various operations still gives me chills. I am a father to 3 and a dad to many more.

If you read through other posts you will see that everything reverts back to the good old 'Anger' emotion. Its the easiest to deal with. In the Marines you were allowed to be angry. You were not allowed to grieve or be too happy, but anger and aggression was used to keep us alive. Just look at hand to hand fighting.

After two failed marriages I have finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I got her to read the following documents to help her understand, but you have to understand mate. You are dealing with an emotional pregnant woman and they out trump 'The Beast' (PTSD)

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Get Tasia to read these mate, they might help.

Children are our future and are the most perfect creatures. Its what we teach them that helps them grow up.

Therapy is really the only way to go when it comes to dealing with emotions mate. If you can find a good therapist with experience in PTSD related to combat, they will be able to help.

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[PookieBear]

Thank you Jimmy! It has been a hard road but, I am ready to accept the help I need and want! I asked her if she would be interested and she said yes! Life is getting better one day at a time!

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey PB, just remember one thing too. That trauma you talked about, you know its probably not the only one. It's just the one that is in the forefront of your mind. There are probably heaps of others laying dormant. Call it the excuse one if you like. But the fact that you can talk about it is good. Exposure therapy is a good thing, you just need to learn how to deal with the emotions attached to it.

Keep your chin up mate.

 

[Fargo1]

PB,

First welcome and glad to see you found this place. It has been a life saver for me and hope it will be for you as well.

I have been a sperm donor for my kid for the last 13 years. Part of it was a similar experience to yours, part my own upbringing and fear of becoming my dad. Guess what? I became my dad. Surprise, surprise right?

The good news is that after 8 months of therapy and the help and guidance from all of the great people here I have finally been able to start repairing my relationship with my kid. I was not able to keep my last relationship together, but life is getting better....or at least not swirling down the toilet bowl anymore.

Finding a therapist is critical, if you need it get on some anti-anxiety meds, but hang tough brother as bad as it feels right now (and will again from time to time) it does get better!

Fargo

 

[EOD96]

Welcome PB! Similar thing happened to me. Five years after returning from Iraq, I was doing fine until I got a promotion, sold a house and bought a house and reloctated. That's all it took. Like you, something that should give cause to celebrate triggered a long spiral into paranoia, anger, anxiety. There a lot of smart people here who have been coping with their PTSD for years and have some solid insite which has helped me tremendously. I hope you'll get some answers here that will help you get back on the road to recovery.

 

[PookieBear]

Thank you Scott! This site has been very helpful and informative. Feeling like I am finally getting the help I need and being able to be open to discussing my issues has created a positive hope for me.

 

[PookieBear]

Hey PB, just remember one thing too. That trauma you talked about, you know its probably not the only one. It's just the one that is in the forefront of your mind. There are probably heaps of others laying dormant. Call it the excuse one if you like. But the fact that you can talk about it is good. Exposure therapy is a good thing, you just need to learn how to deal with the emotions attached to it.

Keep your chin up mate.

Thank you! I believe if I can learn to control my anger and increase my communication skills, I will be able to cope with my issues more effectively.

 

[PookieBear]

PB,

First welcome and glad to see you found this place. It has been a life saver for me and hope it will be for you as well.

I have been a sperm donor for my kid for the last 13 years. Part of it was a similar experience to yours, part my own upbringing and fear of becoming my dad. Guess what? I became my dad. Surprise, surprise right?

The good news is that after 8 months of therapy and the help and guidance from all of the great people here I have finally been able to start repairing my relationship with my kid. I was not able to keep my last relationship together, but life is getting better....or at least not swirling down the toilet bowl anymore.

Finding a therapist is critical, if you need it get on some anti-anxiety meds, but hang tough brother as bad as it feels right now (and will again from time to time) it does get better!

Fargo

I became my biological father as well. I always feared it and was able to keep most things in check until things triggered my inability to control myself. I am positive being addicted to drugs played a major role in my emotions and actions. I am glad I kicked the drugs. Now, it time to repair myself and the damage I've caused.

 

[Jimmy1]

Pb, as much as you hate it, I think we all mimick our parents to some degree, and I use 'all' very lightly. That is why such things as secondary PTSD as they call it exist where children exhibit symptoms of PTSD.
You are spot on the money though. You say once you learn to control your anger, well once you learn to control all the emotions then you will be able to cope.
I was talking about it with my fiance last night. Its all the little stressors that add up to your outbursts. You wife is pregnant (and she is pretty too), preparing to be a father, dealing with every day life. All stressors.
Your on the right track though mate.

 

[PookieBear]

Pb, as much as you hate it, I think we all mimick our parents to some degree, and I use 'all' very lightly. That is why such things as secondary PTSD as they call it exist where children exhibit symptoms of PTSD.
You are spot on the money though. You say once you learn to control your anger, well once you learn to control all the emotions then you will be able to cope.
I was talking about it with my fiance last night. Its all the little stressors that add up to your outbursts. You wife is pregnant (and she is pretty too), preparing to be a father, dealing with every day life. All stressors.
Your on the right track though mate.

Thanks, Jimmy! I agree about the little stressors. To add to our stress, I was recently laid off from work due to lack of construction in my area. First time I've ever been without a job and thats stressful knowing we have a baby coming.
I agree, Tasia is beautiful, on the inside as well as the outside. I'm so proud to have her beside me and to be having a child together. I'm getting over the initial shock of the reality of having a baby and am now so EXCITED! BTW, I finally got an appointment to see a therapist for my anger management and can't wait to see how this goes!

 

[Jimmy1]

Good Luck Mate