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Coming out after being stalked

Discussion in 'Avoidance' started by shimmerz, Apr 14, 2018.

  1. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    Yes, they absolutely are. The chances of my bumping into them is high. Like - very high. I am thinking of moving but there are negatives to that as well. I get disoriented very easily, I will have absolutely no support there, lose my therapist and the network of people who could be helping me with nailing down work.
    Damned if I do; damned if I don't.

    Yes, but I still need to put my name down and my name is unusual enough that people will know who I am. And the network of people around here who know either myself, my ex or his brother or friends from the past. Like there are a ton of people. I am so tired of living like a fugitive though. I can almost taste the freedom of never having to freaking worry about walking down the street again.

    And no, can't afford separate phones etc.

    I am at a complete standstill on this front right now. I am looking at Indeed Canada right now and finding administrative or training jobs, which I am qualified for -- but the 10 year work gap is a challenge.

    Also, I was terrorized in an office environment for a long time. I know I still trigger enough to pass out over photocopy machines and who knows what else. I was hoping to start up my own business because I don't think I am shored up enough yet to be able to take full time direction. Eh - let's be honest. Next to impossible.

    I keep trying but I am spinning my wheels. Seems like every idea I get there is a large, large barrier attached. Homeless again in January. Just saying.....

    Thanks so much for all of your thoughts. They are appreciated.
     
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  3. Bkinder

    Bkinder Well-Known Member

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    I started an online business - a lark- but it makes $ every month. Low overhead, flexible hrs,and I get out of it whatI put in!
     
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  4. TheBubzilla

    TheBubzilla Changing the world one smile at a time Premium Member Donated

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    @shimmerz hi lovely! *Waves* it's been ages :)

    So I thought I'd share my experience in this scope - I haven't experienced your calibre of sh*it human behaviour re stalking, but this year after hiding myself online, and being approached multiple times by the vastly unwelcome sperm donor and birth unit, I changed my number, renamed my social media, locked everything down, culled every photo I could and laid low.

    And then I discovered something - a reality test.

    I couldn't get jobs because it was expected to have a LinkedIn profile. I couldn't connect and stay in touch with work colleagues because I didn't want them on my private social media - no one understood fully my fear.
    I wasn't out there socialising, connecting, leaving the unique stamp that is ME out there.

    And then I cracked it.

    Why should I live as a victim and lose the precious bits of life I have left?
    Why should they get to affect me for so long after I'm free of them?
    I can't change all the impact, but why should I write everything off?
    Where could I take control?
    Don't I have words to tell the unwelcome approaches to piss off? (Disclaimer, this crap isn't even close to what you've experienced, this is simply what happened to me)

    So I put on makeup, did my hair, wore something nice and got a friend to take a million photos til I found one I like.
    I retouched it slightly.

    Then I did nothing for 2 weeks.
    Then I looked at other people's profiles.
    I wrote a sentence about myself - then withdrew for another week.

    I spoke to a job coach who helped me word things to represent the punchy, dynamic person I am.
    I wrote a few more sentences....hid again.

    Then I created my profile.
    Left it unfinished for a week.

    Spoke to another friend, drew a deep breath, reached out with one hand while covering my eyes with the other and hit the enter key:notworthy:.

    Nothing imploded, exploded, shorted, blew up my inbox......NOTHING happened.

    PTSD me was :mad: - I do TOO have reasons to be paranoid about this!
    Every day me felt like a proper d*ickhead:confused::speechless::dead::whistling:.....(once again, you has damn good reasons to be cautious)

    And the profile remains.

    I didn't advertise it, my mobile number stayed locked down, but I was out in the real world as a proud professional - representing myself.

    I blocked anyone I knew from my personal life on the platform, and kept it strictly professional.

    It was about me taking a tiny step at a time, and proving the paranoid, reality-less, over-thinks-every-butterfly-wing-flap side of me that nothing would happen.
    And taking such tiny steps that if anything DID go wrong, it'd be manageable, proportional, and I still come out of it on top.

    I am me, I own me, my space, my actions and you can't has it! *Shakes fist dramatically*
     
  5. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    Hi back @TheBubzilla . Nice to see you again too! Thanks for weighing in!

    Almost had a panic attack reading your posting - which is fine - it let's me know that I still have some work to do on this.

    You are right, there has to be a point in time where one says 'f*ck it - not living like this anymore'. That, it seems, is the first step. I feel like I am looking at many more after that one and am slowly (as you mention) getting used to stepping out again.

    I have made some progress - but still have a ways to go.
     
  6. Bkinder

    Bkinder Well-Known Member

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    It’s hard after you have been betrayed to trust. But you are right- you can’t really be living if you are constantly on “red alert” with “what if’s” and spend so much time “worried about the potential for and possibility of getting hurt again.” I’m working on this-

    Thanks for posting this thread- it has been very helpful for me!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2018 at 1:32 PM
  7. TheBubzilla

    TheBubzilla Changing the world one smile at a time Premium Member Donated

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    @shimmerz - look at just how far you've come!
    You've survived so much, dealt with so much and still walking life's path.
    You should be very proud.
    Is there anything you can't do, cos I'm both impressed and proud. One step at a time, at the timing you need.
     
  8. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    @TheBubzilla - I thank you for those kind words. I needed them today and that's a fact. You have made a difference in my world. Much appreciated.
     
  9. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    See I have looked at this as well. The problem is that I have basically dropped out of this world for over 10 years now and I have NO idea (me - the IT guru back in the day) how to orient myself to this new marketplace. I don't want to be rude and ask what you do - but - what do you do? How complicated is it to set up @Bkinder? It all seems so intimidating. I have made videos and everything but I just can't bring myself to post them.

    I feel like I am f*cked no matter how much I try. So frustrating.

    Oh, and Bkinder - please don't feel pressure to let me know what you do. That is personal and I have no business asking - even though I did. ;_)
     
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  10. TheBubzilla

    TheBubzilla Changing the world one smile at a time Premium Member Donated

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    Plenty of crap in this world - I think it's our responsibility to help when able.

    "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.
    Do justly now.
    Love mercy now.
    Walk humbly now.
    You are not obligated to complete the work;
    but neither are you free to abandon it."

    Further to that @shimmerz if you want somewhere to start, and you want self expression, I'd encourage you to look at acrylic pour art on youtube - I think you may find it is something that people would like to buy, it's abstract, slightly sciency and beautiful.
     
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  11. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    Oh wow! Never even knew this existed! Hanging out watching acrylic 'dirty pours'. Haven't quite figured out what that means yet. Thanks so much @TheBubzilla.
     
  12. Bkinder

    Bkinder Well-Known Member

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    I’m a teacher- make and create my own teaching materials. I do photography- sell those online incorporated into science materials or just as is. Getting started in home business is fun, a hugely serious time commitment and highly creative! Bottom line: what are your real talents? writing, art, web designing, photography, cooking, making and selling things from recycled materials, etc.

    Do something you are good at, proud of, and like doing a lot! Maybe you can make a difference somehow. Making something? Make it replicable- keep it simple- and research colors- people buy some things just on the color of a cover. Color is huge in marketing. Sell a service? Sell a product? What kind of business are you interested in?

    Make a list, decide service or product, decide on a monthly/annual path for your business, write it out, and follow it, make a specific business 5 year plan- write it out with what you expect to make$ and what you expect to sell each year, showing growth in inventory. Figure minimum investment to start-
    1. Personal Web page
    2. Hardware/software
    3. Printing/ paper/ ink
    4. Costs for joining sites to advertise
    5. Artsy stuff extras
    6. Photo equipt( if you need it)


    Save all receipts for tax purposes- your first year you may not make enough to claim your business as a business- as far as the gov is concerned, it can be either a hobby or a business- depending upon how much you make. Give yourself 2-3 realistic years to see profit if you are making your own stuff and selling and you are working 40-60 hrs per week- minimum. If you are selling inventory that others make, and you are not creating from the ground up, you may see profits sooner since you can expend more of your time on marketing( create a blog and advertise your product, take photos post on others blogs, create a Pinterest page advertise your stuff there) but I can’t tell you how to start a business exactly because my business and yours are likely different.

    No need to use your real name for a business-you can create a logo instead that says who you are. Go into this with the idea of having fun!
     
  13. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

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    Thanks so much Bkinder and congratulations on doing something that you obviously love. That is a hard find in today's world so kudos to you!

    I have run businesses for most of my life so the technicalities of being in business aren't a stretch for me. My PTSD forced me to quit the job I loved and I can't go back to it now. But now, I love making essential oil blends to be honest. And the internet as a selling tool is making me lose my mind. It is the new media in which to sell. I tried spotify for a while with my essential oil blends, have started up a website for trauma related stuff, Etsy and Varagesale for essential oil blends and reselling respectively. I used to sell myself in my other businesses all the time and was very successful at it but there was limited internet selling. It was all word of mouth and referrals.

    I have no idea about how to market on the internet. I feel like my brain is going to explode when I try to figure out why no hits; why no interest. *heavy sigh*
     
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