Emerg Services Coming to terms with diagnosis and what that means for the future

[RunForever]

I'm a medic. It's a part of me and getting over the fact that I'll never be able to go back to that was hard. But now looking at retraining and realizing that I may not be able to do anything that i want?
Another roadblock that I am struggling to accept. Living in fear is not optimal and I just want to go back to before... healthy now means being able to go into a grocery store where before it was managing patients and chaos.
How do you accept that you'll never be able to work with people, help people?
I was told that my treatment team doesn't think I'll be able to handle being in school... so now I just want to prove them wrong because, well they said I couldn't do it.
I know I can push myself to do anything I want but is it healthy? Is it worth the risk of getting sicker?
Anyone have advice? Similar experience?

 

[The Albatross]

Never is not necessarily a fact.

Being able to do anything that you want is not impossible... but it is a process of smart goals and strategies.

You do not need to accept that this situation is permanent... though you would be wise to accept that this is your situation at present and endeavor to determine the extent of difficulties and look for ways to circumnavigate them while improving management strategies. The injury/PTSD is perhaps permanent... but your life as it is doesn't have to be. It is a question of finding methods and practices to employ in order to be more successful. Like an injured person learning how to walk or speak again.

Personally at some point I had to determine what kind of person I was in order to get the traction I needed in order to do the work necessary to goal challenge my life (surviving with PTSD) and systematically work through the thoughts and beliefs to determine for myself which ones are real and which ones are perceived.

Sometimes I had to redefine what gave my life purpose and meaning. Sometimes I searched far and wide for a way to actualize successfully what I wanted/needed.

I was in the lowest prognosis for recovery at the onset of recovery - comorbid PTSD and SUDS substance abuse disorder syndrome (alcohol). I was not expected to recover enough to ever return to work. But I have. Being former medical helped me though. Because it wasn't a stretch to imagine that just as medically chronic people can manage their illness/diseases... I could endeavor to manage and learn new coping skills as well as learn how to deal with adversity with my PTSD.

Pushing yourself to accomplish or to meet wants/needs/desires... is it healthy? Yes when combined with self awareness about PTSD and forming new coping skills and symptom management.

Is the risk really getting sicker? Is your quality of life acceptable as it is right now? If not, or if it drives depression then go ahead and learn what is necessary to beat the prognosis that is being presented to you. It can happen.

PTSD is a chronic condition, rarely acute. How many people live with chronic conditions and still have purposeful/meaningful lives? A good number.

 

[gealach]

@RunForever,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you'll find a lot of useful information and wonderful people on this forum.

I'm in EMS, and found out a couple of weeks ago that I won't be able to return to it. I haven't even been told officially, it was just carelessly blurted out by a case manager during a teleconference. At least I have a heads-up. I don't know if it's the same for you, but for me EMS isn't just a job I did, it's part of my personality and who I am. Leaving EMS behind is like avulsing an important part of myself and living with the untreated wound.

I've been off work for over 2 years, with a brief period of working a few months in the middle (got injured again). After that length of time, I'm only just now feeling like I can tackle school, and only because I'm applying for a program where I already know a good portion of the information. I obviously can't speak to your situation, but it may be that with time and treatment you'll get to a place where school is possible for you. "Not now" doesn't equal never. Academic accommodations may also be an option.

Do you have any ideas about what you want to do next for work? Like school, not yet doesn't equal never. It took me 27 months to find something that interested me (anhedonia played a part in that).

Like working out, or physio, there's good pain and bad pain. Exacerbations in therapy are a good pain, because even though they open wounds they lead to healing. Work and school *can* be the same, difficult and exacerbating in the short term, but ultimately healthy because of coping strategies and healing. Exposure therapy and graduated hours may help, when/if you decide to start working again.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think it’s a good idea to push yourself just because you can.

Do a bit of healing, then figure out what you can realistically handle.

I’ve made great strides and have healed symptoms that I thought were with me forever, while other symptoms stubbornly stick around. Before I healed a bit, it would have been impossible to know what I would and would not be able to handle.

Sadly I do have life altering limitations and I’m struggling to come to terms with them. It’s not easy to accept that my life isn’t going to go as planned.

 

[Freida]

Dispatch here -- after 20 years had to go out on disability because my military ptsd finally caught up with me. It was hard. Very. Hard. Leaving behind the adrenaline rushes and the knowing you are the one who made the difference? Makes everything else out there look all washed out and grey.
That's the bad news.
The good news: I've been off for a year as of next week and it was one of the best things I could have done. I couldn't have healed in an environment filled with the need to constantly be on guard for what was going to happen next. Hell - I couldn't have healed just in a place filled with flashing lights, blinking computer monitors and constantly ringing phones.

I was forced to stay home and focus on healing because I pushed myself to hard by distracting myself with emergencies until I collapsed. And it's been a bitch. But.The alternative is kind of like trying to work with the flu. At some point you have to follow the doctors directions and stay in bed until you get your energy back. And you will get it back. Don't worry about the treatment team's plan your long term future. Focus on figuring how to get better NOW. You can't go back NOW. Never is a long time away. You may not go back to the exact same job, but we are wired for helping and stress. You can find something else that fills that need IF.you pay attention to your doctors instructions, do what you are told and get yourself back to a place where you are healthy. And by the time that happens? You may find that you don't really want to go back. You may find new avenues opening around you. Because you will be healthy. And THAT matters more than anything.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Freida - well said. Came to this thread and wanted to say that ^^^ deleted everything half a dozen times because I was too muddled up and left again saying nothing.:O_o::oops:

@RunForever - I feel your pain. I haven't been able to return to my job. Ever. I hate that. But there are possibilities out there when you are well again. One thing at a time.:hug:

 

[RunForever]

Thank you so much!
These have all been very helpful.
I struggle with trust so trusting my therapist is very hard for me because the things she tells me sounds to me like giving up on my goals. But you're right about trusting what she's saying to find ways to work through it and not just jump onto the next 'fix'