Comparing my therapy to other people's

[mylunareclipse]

Ah I started having body memories and flashbacks for the first time while she was away in vacation. I emailed her. She responded saying "we can help you win this" .

For the life of me I couldn't figure out who we was. I thought she told someone else lol. It took me a couple of months to figure out that we was me and her lol.

Thank you for your responses

 

[Friday]

Do you ever compare your therapy to other peoples therapy?

For sure

And get the feeling that you're coming up short.

Eh. Rarely.

I usually work my way through quite a lot of therapists in order to find who I want to work with. Which does NOT mean that they're the perfect-best no one else's therapist is as good as mine, eh. Eh, in that I've chosen them for a specific set of reasons. So what other people's therapists do only really matter so much in giving me more data points / things I might look for in a different T, or ask of mine, realizing that XYZ is something I'm interested in doing/trying.

I will read of others therapy experiences and think wow my therapist would never do that for me i.e. Give me a transitional object or a card or a flower or see me for reduced fee if I had no money or tell me that I am brave or strong or that they enjoy seeing me or that they ever thought of me outside of sessions. Let alone have a therapist hold my hand or call me to check on me etc.

This doesn't read like you're comparing therapists so much as looking for a weapon to beat yourself up with. Like it could just as easily be the couple holding hands walking down the street, or someone walking their dog, or the crowd at a funeral.

Actually, I don't even think I would want most of the stuff I mentioned! I would probably freak out so much if T held my hand of contacted me without me contacting her first. I don't necessarily even want these things, because I don't think I could hold the strong emotions that come with them.

it triggers this feeling that I am not good enough and I am invisible.

Yup... Definitely beating yourself up. But more? If you're upset over not having something you don't want? & somehow other people's relationships -that have nothing to do with you- you're taking as meaning something about you? Neither of which make any kind of sense on the surface, I'd really suggest examining that. Just seems like there's more to it.

 

[Lee2001]

Wow this is interesting to read! So many different approaches and preferences from the T and their clients. Like for me I want absolutely no touch from the T and want the T sitting far away from me during a session to feel safe. It may be due to him being male, but I truly feel so vulnerable during therapy that I would freak out if Therapist were in my bubble at all. I can see how wanting touch, hugs etc would be helpful but not for me. My Therapist does say I can literally text him any time but I have never done that. It is so different on how they all set their own boundaries. I agree that you are totally worth it and if you truly are not feeling it with this Therapist you might look around for one that fits your style better?

 

[ninja]

It sounds like you would like the opportunity to develop a strong relationship with your T, but aren't yet quite feeling ready. I think this requires a lot of self-trust and time and gentleness. I think it is also very telling as our psyches do want to heal, which is beautiful. We learn to trust ourselves to be there always, willing to believe in and be kind to ourselves no matter what -- even when choosing to take the risk of showing positive regard for another human ends up sometimes causing challenging and unforeseen feelings.
Thank you for this topic. Take excellent care.

 

[Lionheart]

I never really thought to compare my therapy to others but then, I have been fortunate to have had some very good therapists over the years who had many different tools to help me heal, ....(and at the time, I did not have anyone to compare my experiences with).

One "t" I called a "genie" because she seemed to come from nowhere...like "poof", call me on my BS, and worked 'miracles' to help me. I even sent her home with homework once and it proved to be very valuable to me in terms of understanding the process, what to expect, what I could accomplish, and what would probably remain as a testament to the fact that I am a survivor.

Understanding these thing put me way ahead of the game, so-to-speak. I miss having her as my therapist as she was the best in my eyes.
I hope that, like me, you will one day look back and see that you too were fortunate in your therapy relationship and healing work. It will be an unique experience for you and I wish you all the very best.

 

[mamachick]

I went to therapy prior to ptsd and benefitted so much. Since ptsd, I have had a couple of the best therapists and it just keeps me at status quo (which seems the best I have been capable of). Wonderful therapist but not really doing trauma work. Being a therapist myself, they may assume I know this stuff, but it is different when it is oneself. It feels like my mood is permanently damaged and I look back at posts 4 yrs ago and feel I have not progressed. (no fault of T) I have felt like I need to make a physical move, removing myself from the same circumstances but just don't know how or have the energy, making me feel further like a failure.

 

[mylunareclipse]

It sounds like you would like the opportunity to develop a strong relationship with your T, but aren't yet quite feeling ready. I think this requires a lot of self-trust and time and gentleness.

Thank you Ninja! I think you are exactly right in what you are saying here. Wanting that closeness and being afraid of it. I want that closeness deep inside of me, but am too afraid to seek it for now. So I don't think I want it... Writing this post has helped me understand this. Thanks

Yup... Definitely beating yourself up. But more? If you're upset over not having something you don't want? & somehow other people's relationships -that have nothing to do with you- you're taking as meaning something about you? Neither of which make any kind of sense on the surface, I'd really suggest examining that. Just seems like there's more to it.

Thank you Friday!!! I definitely use these as proof to beat myself up for not being good enough. I felt invisible in my family growing up. That's just how I was treated and who I was. I think this whole therapist thing then rekindles this idea of "what if things were different?" a longing sort of, of being as other people. Is it possible that someone could look forward to seeing me? Yet if they said that I wouldn't believe them and I would feel uncomfortable.