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Confessions...

  • Post starter Post starter Nahini
  • Start date Start date
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I have made progress but still feel like a lost cause. I think my T would like to throw me away but they are not allowed too. I think people feel I am needy when all I want is relief from this existence.
 
I can't shake the feeling that I will never be loved. I try, it just doesn't go away.
 
Lately I've really missed being married, but every single thing I miss about it was a lie. Every good memory I had, wasn't real.
 
I'm not 100% sure I want my marriage to work. Sometimes I think it would be easier if it didn't.
 
I really was terribly disappointed when I found out you stole from your job, even though the amount was small and it was only twice. I'm glad you admitted it to them when they called you on it. There is never a good reason to steal, especially since that company was so good to you.
 
I no longer feel like it's fair to expect men to do anything but run when they hear what I've been through. I feel like I should be upset about that or bitter, but I'm not. I'm not what I've been through, but it's okay if people can't handle that. It's okay that I will live my life alone. I understand why it has to be this way.
 
i've had online sex with a stranger. virtually cheated on my spouse...and I like it...it was so exciting. :(
 
Every time I see someone on the forum with my ex's name I panic inside. I think he's found me again and will destroy my reputation and support base here too.
 
I can only stand the presence of my first grandchild for so long now. In the beginning (before his PTSD), I loved having her around...(an as a baby, she was around a lot - i helped raise her) ...now, with my patience being worn to the bone in trying to cope with my husband's "new normal", I find myself being short, even snotty with her. She sits here in the living room with her mommy, and I hardly say two words to her.

It's like I'm pushing her away and she's done nothing wrong. :( I hate myself for it.
 
I feel like a dickhead, but I've fallen into the trap of re-reading over my facebook comments, and I give myself 'points' for making a funny comment, that people 'like'. I can't believe I'm actually doing that. I used to DISS people who do that! Now I'm one of them. I want to go back to my life before facebook. I want to delete my account there, but I have people I really do like...but at times, I want to wipe them all and just go back to life before facebook. It was better, not feeling the compulsive need to check who "likes" my comments. It's so f*cking stupid. I can't believe I fell into doing that.
 
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